To have ignored my neighbour?

[Cheery1004]

I've lived in my property for just over a year now. He is in the house next to mine. Over the year we have just exchanged a couple of hellos.
His ora just unsettles me.

Recently I pulled up he was outside I walked around to get.my son in the car, he hi. I got my son out turned around and he was waiting in his drive for me. Started going on about my son getting bigger.

A few weeks back I pulled up and I sent a quick text he tapped on my window and asked if I could help jump start his car. I said yes obviously as it was the nice thing to do. We couldn't get it started and he said something was wrong with my connection (it werent) so someone else pulled up and I asked him if he could help after saying to my neighbour numerous times oh maybe he can help you. As my son was asleep in the car and it was a hot day! I felt like he could have asked other people pulling up.
He then said thanks and he would trim my garden for me. I just said Thanks but not to worry that's not needed.

My DF then put up a gate for me and DS. He popped up and peered over the fence, spoke a tiny bit but was mainly being nosy. He then commented about me doing hard graft like he knew me. Both my parents said they felt awkward and he reminded them of a creepy relative we have. I agreed because that is who he reminds me of!
Just now I went outside to empty the Hoover and banged the filter outside for all of 30 secs. He appears at the fence and says if you're gonna bang it bang it and laughed. I just walked off and went inside.

AIBU to have ignored him? I value my privacy. And don't want to feel like every time I go outside he is about to make a comment. He is only a lodger and said he hasn't lived here for long but he was here before I moved in.

You don't have to justify how you feel. You owe him nothing. You're polite and say hello and that's enough.

Don't be made to feel bad about this by a few posters who have a bee in their bonnet.

What if he was a really hot young guy? Be okay then would it?

Probably but then there'd be potential to socialise or even hook up. In this case he's just an old pervert.

He sounds like a nice normal friendly neighbour, you're being pretty rude, repeatedly.

He sounds like a nice normal friendly neighbour,

No, he doesn't sound like any of the above.

No, he doesn't sound like any of the above

Why do you feel you know better than rhe op? She's clearly stated it's hard to describe body language and tone. Of course his actions as described are normal totally. However she is saying there is something deeper as in he just basically gives her the creeps, and that's fair enough, none of us can judge because we haven't met him, but we've all met that person who does set our teeth on edge, but that can not be deduced by his actions and she's agreed that, his actions are as normal as they get.

And no one is scoffing at the op. What's being scoffed at is people like yourself who have become hysterical, claiming he was lying in wait for her in the dark, trying to scare her on purpose, trying to be mates with her parents, begging to cut her hedge,. She's having to repeatedly state this is not the case. It's ridiculous.

From what the OP has said it does sound like he has tried to startle her in purpose.

I don't feel my life is endangered. Just uncomfortable and he gives me the creeps. I'm just going to give a hi and then go into my house as quickly as poss.

Cheery that seems the best bet.

In one of our previous houses the old guy next door took on a lodger and he gave me the proper creeps. I remember catching him watching me out the back and he was hiding behind his bedroom curtains. So I get what you're saying. On that occasion his behaviour was creepy.

Just be polite, and brief, don't be rude, it's not worth it, but don't encourage him either. It does sound like he's harmless neighbour but as you said it's hard to describe why somone creeps you out. It's often not what they do but how they do it.

You obviously feel unsettled when he speaks to you. Just acknowledge his existence, be polite without engaging in conversation. You wouldn't like me as a neighbour, when folk next door they always seemed to be having a crisis, I would stand on garden seat and speak with mother about needing any help or offering stuff from our garden. Sometimes I shouted to find if there was anyone outside in garden then pop up on chair to see over 2 mtr high fence. We got on fine.

Be polite but trust your instincts. I've known more than one person (okay, man) like that. Nothing on the outside that they said or did was truly objectionable, but there was something about their manner that I wasn't comfortable with. With one of them it was just that he would find excuses to touch me, nothing 'dodgy' just hands on shoulders when I was sitting down, nothing more but never when someone else was there. It might be he's just old school and used to behaving a certain way and expecting a type of response ie crap jokes will be laughed at.

I'd keep it super polite and brief.

I like to be utterly left alone by my neighbours. A friendly “hello” is acceptable but if they were bothering me every time I went outside I’d be fuming. I totally get you OP.

This sounds like a very self-centered and entitled outlook.

No it doesn't. Why should a woman carry on doing something ie keep talking to a man when he makes her feel uncomfortable, just to make him feel better?

Our gut instinct is there for a reason.

I hope you don't give that advice to any daughters of yours, should you have any.

Likewise I hope nobody has any "gut feelings" about your sons, should you have any.

Who says this man is trying to be nice? You don't know what his motives are, he may be a perfectly decent man and he may not.

All we have to go on is how the OP feels when he's around, how uncomfortable she is in his presence. That's good enough for me to say she should listen to those feelings.

he may be a perfectly decent man and he may not

That's my point. The idea that "gut feelings" are infallible is simply wrong. It isn't a sixth sense that allows you to peer into someone's mind. I imagine (or, rather know) that many people had gut feelings that someone was decent and they turned out to be a rapist or paedophile, and many will have thought someone was creepy and dangerous when they weren't.

And what if the OP didn't trust her gut feeling where this man is concerned and carried on talking to him to "make him feel good" and because she "didn't want to upset him" and he turned out to be everything she thought he was?

What then?
She's being polite, saying hello and that's that. She has every right to keep him at arms length and in her shoes I would be doing the same.

What a strange outburst karyatide

He sounds nice.... what's the problem?

Second (third) the advice to read The Gift of Fear

It really breaks down that thing you get where someone gives you the creeps but you can’t say why.

And lastly i would add that although i am falling on the side of thinking he does sound a bit creepy and sincerely doubt he would interact this way with op if she were a bloke or an older woman, of course no one knows this for sure. HOWEVER even if he is just a nice normal bloke, op does NOT have to give him her time, attention or friendship. She’s allowed to come home and walk straight in her house without talking to anyone, she’s allowed to not want to be friends with her neighbours, she’s allowed to want to be friends with some neighbours and not others, she’s not hurting anyone by doing this. The ‘ha what if it was a hot guy’ comment - yes, news just in, women in ‘allowed to pick and choose who they talk to’ shocker. And those of you who are scoffing ‘omg some ppl can’t even manage basic interactions’ etc - yes. So what? What’s it to you? No skin off your nose whatsoever.