to use the gents' toilets?

[Hadalifeonce]

On arriving at Gatwick after our holiday, I was desperate for the loo; the queue for the ladies was almost to the baggage reclaim belt, being of a 'certain age' I was busting.
I told DH of my problem, he said he would go into the gents to see if there was a free cubicle, he called me in, I dashed into the 1st cubicle (one of many free) had my wee and dashed out again. I was getting my cleansing gel out of my handbag when a man, who had obviously been in the toilets at the time, made a pointed comment about some women not being prepared to wait their turn and to feeling free to go into the gents.
I turned round and stated that as a middle aged woman with no pelvic floor, I couldn't wait. This seemed to take the wind from his sails.
But was I being unreasonable to use the gents?

@busybarbara. So ok for you to insult he look of men but jot the other way round.

Females sexually assault men to and your suggestion that men's privates are disgusting and only useful for one thing... so no one must sexually assault men then?

Men need private spaces just as much as women do

Sorry OP, I think ywbu.

If we want women to retain sex segregated spaces, it's not on to go barging into men's spaces either.

I find it hard to imagine all these women diverting past the campsite urinals for a gander at blokes having a piss, tbh, but that's not the point.

The man objecting to your presence had every right to do so, just as I'd expect to be able to object to a man relieving himself in a women's toilet.

so no one must sexually assault men then?

Mostly other men. Look at the numbers. Women are very rarely sexually assaulting men in our society. We are the victims not the perpetrators.

And again we still have a right to privacy and dignity. And women still assault men. I'm not denying men aren't the main perpetrators.

Regardless men as well s women deserve dignity and privacy and that means the opposite sex not being allowed in the toilet. And with so many men being accused of sex crimes I would rather not be alone with a female in a toilet tbh in case I was accused or someone got the wrong idea

I can't get my head around the idea that a public loo is a private space. A private space to me is one with just me in it, not one shared with Tom, Dick or Harriet. If I was pissing at a urinal alongside 10 other blokes and there was a woman using a cubicle in the same room, it would not be the woman who was disturbing my privacy.

The solution is to go full unisex and solely cubicles. Privacy for everyone and men will have to queue like us.

Again but I don't want a women to be there.
If I am at an urinals I don't want a women walking past and possibly seeing me pee. It creeps me out.

Men are allowed in the men's toilet so I wouldn't have a problem them being there as I expect them to be there.

I agree perfect solution, just cubicles for everyone in one massive block and sinks

Women's toilet provision isn't adequate.

Until it js then yanbu.

There shouldn't be a situation where women stand in a humiliating queue, often in discomfort or like you in danger of am accident, while men just swan by. Children often end up using the ladies too.

I also have the answer of why you queue more, urinals take up a lot less space, meaning more people can cycle through quicker . And the cubicles are therefore free for whoever needs one.

You'd have to design it right. Perhaps put the sinks in the cubicle. Reason is I was at a modern unisex toilet at a shopping centre last week and a man came in and weed in the sink as there was a queue

Cycle through quicker as they can fit more in.

@busybarbara. Sure he did.

What a weird thread. What is it about us Brits and toilets?

I'm a man. Few men, I think, would even blink at a woman using the gents, especially in Gatwick - most of the toilet cleaners there seem to be women and nobody bats an eyelid at their coming and going.

Men who, for whatever reason, do require complete privacy use cubicles and as long as there's a free cubicle they aren't going to be bothered by you.

The men using the urinals are facing a wall, so can't see anything and little can be seen of what they're doing (although it's definitely bad form to look over someone's shoulder). They've also got their hands full (if they're lucky) and don't have a clue what's going on behind them. So, again, they couldn't care less if there's a woman about.

OP, you did exactly the right thing both in using the gents and when questioned - I doubt the chap who spoke to you thought about it again.

As an aside, I'm amazed how concerned people are about this stuff. If you go to a crowded club these days women are constantly diving into the gents because of queues. Nobody bats an eyelid.

Mostly other men. Look at the numbers. Women are very rarely sexually assaulting men in our society. We are the victims not the perpetrators.

But you can't deny that there are many men who have been sexually assaulted by women(there are most likely many unreported assaults because of the shame men can feel and the lack of support for them) and these men may want/need their own space. Why do you think men don't need their own space if 1)they have a right for people of the other sex to not see their genitals whether they've been assaulted or not and 2) there are clearly men who have been assaulted by women who would feel uncomfortable with this?

Maybe you should challenge Gatwick on Facebook/Twitter to reassess their provision. As an aside it does frustrate me that when there are only two loos - both in individual cubicles (e.g. M&S service stations) the accessible ones (baby change/ disabled) are also the women's. Who sat and thought 'hmmm who spends more time in there - oh yes people who are disabled, changing babies and women. Well let's give them all the same one so they can all queue together and give the men their own one so they never need to wait.' When there are individual self-contained ones then I think they should all be unisex.

Oh god, all this because the op used a toilet in an emergency, geees. It is not like women are asking to have continuous access to men's spaces. Like I said, if I were in the Ladies, and a man dashed in saying can't wait, men toilets are full and I am desparate, I would tell him to go right ahead.

I have been to Luton Airport, and the toilets are just the same, women's have a very long queue, whilst men's do not. Maybe, the Airports should improve accessible toilets, as there does not sound like there were any near at Gatwick, or op would have used them.

I can't get my head around the idea that a public loo is a private space. A private space to me is one with just me in it, not one shared with Tom, Dick or Harriet

I don’t think that’s quite the point. It isn’t private in the sense there’s no-one else there but private in the sex one can reasonably expect there to be no-one of the opposite sex in there, otherwise why would public loos advertise when there’s a male/female cleaner in attendance.

I’m still none the wiser as to why the accessible loo/baby changing wasn’t an option. Or at the very least, the situation could have been solved by the OP’s husband calling out in the gents to see whether any other users minded.

Such a mountain made out of a molehill, I don't think an accessible toilet was an option, they might have all been in use, and op dh dashed in to access the situation. I suppose he could have asked if anyone minded his wife using a cubical as she cannot wait. Anyway, by the sounds of it, she needed to use it anyway, regardless. Better, than her having an accident in the airport. I am a human first and foremost, and I would not have a problem with a desparate man using the ladies if her really needed to. Its a toilet, wherever it is situated.

Maybe if women would like to use the female version of the urinal there would be less ques basically its sort of like a urinal but its curved more so women can hover over it.

But women dont like to communal pee so shrug.

YABU. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid really, but I feel I should because of the fact that if a man used the women’s toilet for whatever reason there would be uproar. So I think it should be seen as equally wrong if you went to use the men’s.

I had to use the men's recently, at a French motorway services, since the 'femmes' was closed. Some poor bloke saw me standing there waiting for a cubicle and promptly made a quick exit - I explained and retreated outside the door until I could see a free cubicle.

There was no seat on the loo! Ugh. Asked Dh if this was standard in men's bogs - because men are splashier? - he said no.

French public toilets often have no seat - both for men and women.
I think you are expected to hover over the seat.

Maybe this would partially solve the problem in UK. If you had to hover, rather than making yourself comfortable, then we might get a move on instead of taking our time.

Yes you were! It is called the “mens toilet” for a reason.