to use the gents' toilets?

[Hadalifeonce]

On arriving at Gatwick after our holiday, I was desperate for the loo; the queue for the ladies was almost to the baggage reclaim belt, being of a 'certain age' I was busting.
I told DH of my problem, he said he would go into the gents to see if there was a free cubicle, he called me in, I dashed into the 1st cubicle (one of many free) had my wee and dashed out again. I was getting my cleansing gel out of my handbag when a man, who had obviously been in the toilets at the time, made a pointed comment about some women not being prepared to wait their turn and to feeling free to go into the gents.
I turned round and stated that as a middle aged woman with no pelvic floor, I couldn't wait. This seemed to take the wind from his sails.
But was I being unreasonable to use the gents?

Of course. But we don’t actually know whether the OP truly couldn’t wait, or rather couldn’t be bothered to queue and indeed neither does the chap who objected.

The OP states that she has a weak pelvic floor. If she is post-menopausal she may well have an irritable bladder which can cause sudden extreme urges to wee.

As a post-menopausal woman who has know what desperation to wee can feel like, I sympathise with her action.

*The OP states that she has a weak pelvic floor. If she is post-menopausal she may well have an irritable bladder which can cause sudden extreme urges to wee.

As a post-menopausal woman who has know what desperation to wee can feel like, I sympathise with her action*

I read what she has put. My point is, if you have a condition that requires urgency you take steps to manage that.

I have a menstrual condition which can result in sudden and catastrophic flooding, so when I’m not sure where a loo is or that I might not be able to access a loo immediately I take the necessary steps to ensure that if there is a delay, it isn’t a disaster.

If the OP does have a condition, or even undiagnosed I would urge her to seek medical assistance as it’s absolutely NOT something she should have to suffer.

Maybe op should have gone on the plane, but sometimes there is a big queue or she did not need to. On landing yiu are not allowed to use the toilet, tgere are hoards of people getting off so no opportunity. It is difficult when flying. Op used a toilet, not ideal to use the men's, but if needs must.

Yes fine, I see no problem with it, with the way things are going, all toilets will be unisex. Not sure about children's toilet as there are safeguarding issues, but this is an adult toilet in an airport.

I think you handled this rather well. Obviously not ideal to use the men’s but it was best second choice. I’d rather risk one comment from a bloke than have to explain an urgent need to a whole queue of women. Can you imagine the tuts and stares as you ‘queue’ jump, having to push to the front repeating yourself to each person as you go?

In my experience women may take time in the bathroom area (hair, make up, chat) but not in the toilet per se. If they are ‘slow’ then I think it is because they are more likely to be changing sanitary ware, have a child with them or be coping with urinary problems.

I think when I have seen men queuing up it has been because everyone has arrived at once, eg interval at a theatre, but then it clears really quickly leaving women still in a line

Airports can be terrible for toilets. They should be near the gate and often are in other countries but they are often not accessible until baggage reclaim by which point you may have been standing in other queues for an eternity.

I think most people are sensible. I’ve been in women’s loos when men have come in to use the only baby change. The bloke generally shouts or ask the women around loud enough for everyone to hear. I’m really not fussed about this. If it’s an open changing room, then that is different.

Yes YABVU. If a man did this everyone would be in uproar. A lot of women are furious with men who self ID as women using our private spaces, yet just because you were desperate you think you're entitled to use facilities that are designated for men? Use the one on the plane before you get off next time and if you still can't hold it seek medical advice and use protection to avoid embarrassment.

oh god babydreamer, so you never made a mistake. Maybe she could not use one on the plane, or did not feel like going. There are some real hard people out there, no I would not mind if a man came into the ladies and called "is anyone in here, the men's is closed or in use, and I have to go asap", I would tell him to go right ahead, as its an emergency. Nobody can be that mean to deny somebody the use of a toilet.

There are some real hard people out there, no I would not mind if a man came into the ladies and called "is anyone in here, the men's is closed or in use, and I have to go asap"

That’s JUST what I was saying. The OP didn’t do that. THAT is unreasonable. She presented a person who reasonable expected to find only men in the male toilets with a fair accompli.

I still maintain though if you have any sort of condition where urgent need of a loo might be an issue you do what you can to mitigate that for your own peace of mind. I know it makes me feel much less concerned to find a loo knowing that even if the worse happens I have taken precautions to prevent it being an issue

It is better to use a toilet, than to rely on an adult nappy, those are for when there is no toilet, and the wearer has no choice.

It is better to use a toilet, than to rely on an adult nappy, those are for when there is no toilet, and the wearer has no choice

They’re to prevent embarrassment and stressful situations arising.

Exactly, there was a toilet, so it would be better for op to use, it, protection is when there is absoutely no toilet available.

Exactly, there was a toilet, so it would be better for op to use, it, protection is when there is absoutely no toilet available

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

No I am not Jacques its true, protection is there for if there is no toilet, my mum sometimes travels and she gets IBS which can happen quickly, sometimes there there is no toilet quickly available, so she wears protection in case that happens, but in op case, there were free loos in the mens.

I'd be pretty uncomfortable if I was in a toilet cubicle and a man came in shouting.

How would you know if it were a man if your in a cubicle anyway

If he came in shouting "Is it ok if I come in" I'd certainly know there was a man in there. It's really inappropriate and what is a woman with her knickers around her ankles supposed to say if she is bothered?

@Aeroflotgirl If you have a bladder condition (which I did for a large part of my life) you make provision for yourself. It would have been a reasonable thing to go to the front of the ladies queue and ask politely to go first due to a medical condition. Otherwise you go every time you have a chance, before you leave where you are even if you don't 'feel like it'. It is never ok to make someone feel uncomfortable in a male/female only space which the OP clearly did, or else the man wouldn't have pulled her up on it. If the toilet was unisex it would have said so, it wasn't, she was wrong. Her reason for being there is irrelevant.