to use the gents' toilets?

[Hadalifeonce]

On arriving at Gatwick after our holiday, I was desperate for the loo; the queue for the ladies was almost to the baggage reclaim belt, being of a 'certain age' I was busting.
I told DH of my problem, he said he would go into the gents to see if there was a free cubicle, he called me in, I dashed into the 1st cubicle (one of many free) had my wee and dashed out again. I was getting my cleansing gel out of my handbag when a man, who had obviously been in the toilets at the time, made a pointed comment about some women not being prepared to wait their turn and to feeling free to go into the gents.
I turned round and stated that as a middle aged woman with no pelvic floor, I couldn't wait. This seemed to take the wind from his sails.
But was I being unreasonable to use the gents?

I hope all the people who are okay with OP going in to the mens would be okay with a man comming into the ladies.

Men need privacy too.
Would you like it if a man came into the ladies loo's at football grounds when there is massive ques for the men and hardly any for the
woman's?
How would you have felt if there was a man in the ladies toilets?

Self Id is happening right now under our very noses, soon loos will be a free for all.
Go Google #manfriday

*Silly comparison, because that would never, ever happen.

I'm pretty sure I've never seen a queue outside of a men's toilet in my life.*

Because you've never seem it, it doesn't happen? A rather silly assumption I think. I've never seen a murder, yet I'm pretty sure it does happen.

And as for a man in the ladies... if there was room for a man in there, I wouldn't have used the gents.

Surprisingly I share a loo at home with men, and have shared loos with men in public places, I don't have a problem. As a pp said, either all unisex, or cubicles one way and urinals the other, hopefully shorter queues.

MN is SO contrary.

I've seen threads where women were up in arms because a young boy used the ladies toilet.

You can't have it both ways.

I'm pretty sure I've never seen a queue outside of a men's toilet in my life.

Any gig at the Wolverhampton Civic or Wulfrun, it's guaranteed.

Oh, and Symphony Hall in Birmingham.

YABU

Silly comparison, because that would never, ever happen

It has happened loads. When we go to usually sports related events theres always a que at the mens, sometimes a que at the womens too but not often so I take 5 year old ds into the womens with me when normally he would go into the mens with his dad. Older ds has to que, so does DH as there would be outrage on mn if they both just went into the womens because the que was shorter.
Both DS's wouldnt like it if a woman came running in just like both my dd's wouldnt like it if a man came in.

I don't have a problem

And seemingly the man who spoke to you DID have a problem. Which he is absolutely entitled to do.

YANBU

you were just unlucky to find one of the very few men who'd care

no YANBU I always wonder why they dont make far more toilets for women... men are in and out in seconds and women have to stand their waiting..
If you were in a cubicle I really dont see the privacy issue...
But then I dont really mind about things like unisex toilets as long as they have cubicles.
Grew up in France and they dont really give two shits there about gender segregation in toilets... particularly in more rural areas... our local cafe just had a unrinal next to a cubicle in the toilet and you would have to walk past the unrinal to get to the cubicle... no one ever batted an eyelid about it

Seems fair to me.

The minute the gender ID act is passed, I'll be running amok in every men's facility I can find.

Surprisingly I share a loo at home with men, and have shared loos with men in public places, I don't have a problem.

So? Thousand of women on mn have would have a problem with a man being in the female toilets, I woudlnt either but my dd's would.
Lots of men may have been uncomfortable with you going into the mens.
Just because you dont care doesnt mean other people dont and you can do whatever you want.

I don't mind unisex toilets but as this wasn't a unisex toilet I don't think a female should use the males.

Hopefully soon they'll be either more female toilets or unisex toilets in general so people can make the choice to use unisex or gendered toilets, to avoid this issue.

When you’ve got to go you’ve got to go. I would have been tempted to do the same. It’s quite awkward to ask to jump in front of a long queue.

I don't think you were being unreasonable, OP. Because if you got in trouble, just explain that you identify as a man. Check out ManFriday!

On a broader note, I actually think sex-segregated spaces are important for women and men. AND I do think women's facilities really need to be expanded. If I think about the amount of time I've wasted in my life just waiting to urinate, I am sure it would be significant. Has anyone done economic analyses on how much potentially productive time is being wasted by these queues? I am sure it impacts on things like concert venues, bars and nightclubs if half their customers don't feel like they can imbibe as much because they don't want to wait in line.

And no, never in my life have I seen a line to the gents' even matching the line for the ladies'... Such a situation may exist, but it is dwarfed by the number of times I have seen men pop in and out of the loo in about 2 minutes flat (or just relieve themselves in nature) while the women's queues stretch out into oblivion at every festival, concert, theatre, etc etc.

There would be uproar had your husband used the ladies.

Of course it's not ok.

CaoNiMa - yep me too! 😀

For all of those saying it was wrong and men need their privacy please read up on self id. If the GRA goes through there will be no need for anyone to worry as you will be able to self id as whatever gender (not sex) you want so you will be free to go into the mens and if questionned you will just be able to say 'but today I'm identifying as a man called Dave'.

You did the right thing, absolutely.

I do the same whenever I go to race courses - the ladies queue is always mega long, but the mens not so.

So I just the male toilets.

Never ever been a problem - once one does (me) then the rest of the women follow suit and the men just take the proverbial....

First world issue and all that.

I have done this in the past, have never had a problem and nobody has taken issue with it.

YANBU. Sometimes needs must and the fact is that often toilet provision for women is inadequate compared to men, hence the huge queues. So why not use the under used faciltiies? I'm sure no men felt 'threatend' by your presence, you just came across some dickhead taking issue with a woman not 'knowing her place' in his eyes.

I've done it myself, and I'd do it more if mens toilets weren't usually so disgusting. I once went to see a show by a female comedian who was playing to a 95%+ female audience. At the interval, there were massive queues for the womens toilets, so we used the mens toilets as well as they were virtually empty.

Surely as a good Mumsnetter you accused him of transphobia, and mis-gendering you then handed him a #manfriday leaflet

Not unreasonable at all and I have done the same myself when pregnant and also on a night out once when very drunk and certain I would wet myself at any given moment. Women’s queues are ridiculous, I feel like we need many extra cubicles.

The argument 'you wouldn't like to see a man using the women's toilets' will become valid the day that the number of men who have been raped or attacked by women in the men's toilets is anywhere near the same as the number of women that have been raped by men in the women's toilets.