To think owning a home isn’t the only goal in life

[Bonjourmonami73]

Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE to own my own home but I am priced out of the market and it’s not looking like I will own any time soon. I could move to a cheap area where I don’t know a soul but I don’t want to. I have a great flexible job, 2 happy kids in a nice school, lots of friends, a social life, holidays etc. I just can’t afford a house as Would need £100k at least deposit.

Someone said to me yesterday that they don’t understand how I can ‘bear’ to live like this and that I should be doing everything I can including moving to a town 200 miles away to get on the housing ladder. I dont understand this logic at all. I would rather own my own home of course but I don’t have a deposit.

The other thing that this person said is ‘what will you do when you are older’ and the truth is I don’t have the answer. Maybe move somewhere cheaper then when my kids are grown up.

Aibu to feel like this? I am a bit tired of being asked why I can’t buy a house. I have actually privately rented this house for 7 years and can have it for at least another 2. Yes I know it’s ‘dead money’ but there isn’t anything I can’t do about that as I can’t save £100k for a deposit.

I feel judged constantly for renting- the person yesterday basically implied I had totally failed in my life.

Aibu?

I think home ownership is over hyped. Especially if you can manage to get a council tenancy.

Although I’m not sure why you’d need 100k deposit - unless houses cost a million quid

You can get 100% mortgages now

I can borrow £200k but houses round here start at £350k

You're right. I feel sad that I may never be a homeowner though.

I am sad too @goood and angry and pissed off. Been through every emotion. But now feeling like I need to enjoy my life because unless something dramatic happens (or I move 200 miles away) then it’s not happening for me.

We bought as couldn't get longer term rental - constant moves with kids is no fun and eats through money.

There are large swaths of the country we can't live in - we moved around for work anyway and have hit on cheaper areas of housing.

There are compromises with schools and commuting distances - but overall it works for us. House owning does come with costs as well but feel more under our control than constant moves.

It didn't feel like a goal or choice more a necessary evil for stability.

What you do with your life is up to you completely. Just because other people are choosing to own a property doesn't mean everyone has to. In Germany everyone rents, the same in the Nethelands.
Perhaps the ownership gives a little bit more stability (you and kids) as you can stay as long and do what you wish. Also I can see the investment argument as properties within next 15y will go up in prices and many people treats house as an additional retirement option.

You you're late 20' you should start thinking about financial stability/investments though..

The pressure to buy is relatively new. I was shocked to discover recently that 40 years ago, 40% of the uk lived in rented social housing.
Then Thatcher came in and started the ball rolling with right to buy etc.
Renting was once quite cheap and there were more jobs for life.
Today renting is expensive and jobs are precarious. No wonder the level of stress and depression is so high.
Buying is stressful but the maintainence of a property you own is a huge commitment. Praying your boiler makes it through another winter because you don't have £2k to replace it.
Sounds like you've found your happy medium. It takes courage to live in the present and trust that the future will be ok.

&viola but i’m not choosing this as a lifestyle option. I have no choice unless I totally uproot all our lives. And that’s what is so hard to make people understand.

Same. We had a house but was forced to sell so will always be sad about that. No chance of affording one for the foreseeable future.

And I do have a very good final salary pension

100k deposit?! Jesus! Are you wanting to buy out Windsor castle?

I agree though, it’s not a main goal of mine in life but is for my DP so I am going along with it and we are in the process of buying one. I’ve never really viewed it as being the be all and end all, my education and career have always meant more to me.

It also depends what kind of house you want to buy. Not many places have a starting price of £350k. Maybe a flat in zone 1 London does. I live less than an hour from London in a flat and it costs £150k in today's prices which is affordable for most working people.

Nope, as long as you are happy that is the main thing.

We aspire to too much, rather than appreciating what we have.

All this striving for something else.

Nah.

100k deposit?! Jesus! Are you wanting to buy out Windsor castle? OP explained above. Houses in her region start at £350k. So on a 90% mortgage the minimum deposit would indeed be "only" £35k - but her income will cover only a £200k mortgage, so she actually has to find £150k.

Stay where you are. Review later when kids are older. Happy nice life with short commute support from.friends is worth a lot. You can move to cheap.area later.
Buying also.involves running and maintenance costs. It s not just mortgage.

I’m young but a big goal of mine is to buy a house, only because I’m scared that when I retire there won’t be things in place to help me pay for housing. I don’t want housing costs when I’m elderly. Of course I may die before then, but I don’t want my son to struggle either. Although it’s not the be all and end all, it’s a huge help to be a home owner in your 60s/70s.

I think it’s definitely better to buy but no use worrying if you can’t.

I have paid off my mortgage my DB is privately renting. When I started mortgage was £800 DBS rent was £500. Now I pay nothing he pays £1050. When he retires in 15 years, it is likely that will be much higher. I can see that being a problem.

I have mixed feelings. I finally bought a basement flat (all I could afford) at the age of 41. Before that I was renting because I had very little choice, so feeling bad about it seemed pointless. I scraped together a deposit in the end because I'm friends with two older women, both living along, who still rent. As they come close to the end of their working lives, they both feel quite insecure. In the case of one, she's lived in the same house a long time, and if she could have been paying the same money on a mortgage that she paid out to her landlord, she would own that house (which has gone up a huge amount in value).

As you can move to a smaller property in a cheaper area when your dcs grow up, your current situation doesn't mean you'll have to rent forever, but I think having a small place of your own is a worthwhile longer term aspiration.

We are in the same boat with the loan to wage ratio not being high enough so we too need about 100k deposit.

I wish i could feel ok about it, but i don't. It is all consuming. Kids can't decorate their bedrooms, have pets, they are conscious its not our house so they have to be extra careful with things. Moving is awful as its never been our choice, theres the panic you might not find somewhere within their school distance. You never really settle as you know your two months away from moving.
It affects every decision, from what sofa or bed (might fit in this house, but not the next) to even doing the garden and what plants to put in - you plant bulbs but you might not be there to see them flower.

Its living constantly on edge and its horrid.

I never cared much and couldn't see what all the fuss was about, however we did go on to buy, and eventually cleared the mortgage.

2 years later DH became disabled; lost his job and there we were on one wage with a young family to support.

We could have ended up homeless.

Buy somewhere cheap. Rent out the house to cover mortgage. Continue your life where you are. Worst case would be a paid off home to live in for your retirement just not somewhere you want to live now.

LimboLuna - that was our experience of private renting as well.

Three of the DGP grew up in rented social housing and a two couldn't grasp the difference between private rental and social rental.

Having to move around country for work was a pain in itself but the advanatge has been finding cheaper housing areas.

Owning your own home has been drummed into us by society as something you should achieve and should feel a failure about if you don't. I think its all bollocks tbh. Of course the government want us buying houses, tying ourselves to mortgages which then ties us to our jobs, its good for the economy. Do you think they're doing help to buy schemes out of the goodness of their hearts? Of course not. Honestly I'd go so far as to say it's been a very successful brainwashing scam!

For me the goal in life has always been simply to be happy. For some, that may mean buying a big house and a fancy car and that's ok. Happiness comes in many forms! But you're right in thinking you should just enjoy life and not waste time being sad or pissed off. It's no one else's business what you decide to do in life. The person who said that to you yesterday was very rude IMO.

I have a single friend (early 40s now) who I have known for 15 years and she has a mortgage. In all that time she's spent long hours commuting/working to pay said mortgage. She's missed out on a lot of "life" to put money into bricks and mortar. Not long ago she said to me sadly that she wondered why she'd even done it as she's not going to sell up and make a profit later on (all her family are nearby) and she won't have children now so feels she has no one to "inherit". Yes once it's paid she'll have a bit more free cash but will be in her 50s by then, having "lost" (that was her word, not mine) the best years of her life to buying a house.

It's not the be all and end all.

The "retirement" aspect is a huge ticking time bomb, people won't be able to retire when they have to pay £1000 a month rent so it will be when you are not able to work anymore. The housing benefit bill is going to be huge, let alone the suitability of housing. Or even the logistics of vulnerable elderly moving every year.