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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think owning a home isn’t the only goal in life

226 replies

Bonjourmonami73 · 15/06/2018 10:32

Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE to own my own home but I am priced out of the market and it’s not looking like I will own any time soon. I could move to a cheap area where I don’t know a soul but I don’t want to. I have a great flexible job, 2 happy kids in a nice school, lots of friends, a social life, holidays etc. I just can’t afford a house as Would need £100k at least deposit.

Someone said to me yesterday that they don’t understand how I can ‘bear’ to live like this and that I should be doing everything I can including moving to a town 200 miles away to get on the housing ladder. I dont understand this logic at all. I would rather own my own home of course but I don’t have a deposit.

The other thing that this person said is ‘what will you do when you are older’ and the truth is I don’t have the answer. Maybe move somewhere cheaper then when my kids are grown up.

Aibu to feel like this? I am a bit tired of being asked why I can’t buy a house. I have actually privately rented this house for 7 years and can have it for at least another 2. Yes I know it’s ‘dead money’ but there isn’t anything I can’t do about that as I can’t save £100k for a deposit.

I feel judged constantly for renting- the person yesterday basically implied I had totally failed in my life.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Bettyfood · 15/06/2018 11:44

I'm not sure that owning a home would be a realistic goal in life were I a young person now. Certainly not where I currently live nor where I bought as a first time buyer.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 15/06/2018 11:45

In Germany everyone rents that's a tad exaggerated.Hmm

I can't see the big deal and why it's anyone business. I know a few people in the UK who rent by choice, because they find it easier and cheaper than be stuck with a home and a mortgage. They know exactly how much they have to budget on rent, and will show you how it's cheaper than paying interest on mortgage + the many repair and maintenance of your own home.

You only care about what people think if you are not confident with your own choice.

TakeawayTakeMeAway · 15/06/2018 11:49

And if the majority rent, who owns all these houses they are renting?

In the Netherlands at least, enormous amounts of housing stock are owned by housing corporations. There are many of these, often with their origins in the time around the turn of the last century when Amsterdam was home to one of the largest slums in Western Europe.

"Everyone there rents" is hyperbole of the same sort as "everyone there speaks English"; I would have thought that was obvious.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 15/06/2018 11:49

@Bonjourmonami73 Forgive me if you've already done this, but have you been to see a mortgage broker? Actually had a sit-down chat, with all your figures?

I always assumed I'd never get a mortgage, because I'm a freelance and my wages are unpredictable (and never reaching your heady heights!) - but my mortgage broker was amazing. I own a £300k house now.

Maybe you don't need to completely rule it out? And again, apologies if you've already done this!

VladmirsPoutine · 15/06/2018 11:49

Care home costs aren't a consideration for me as I 100% won't be going in one. I'm "exiting" before that happens, which my grown up children already know about.

@Storm4star How do you know this for sure? Do you intend to 'off' yourself when you get to a certain age? I too don't want to ever go near a care home but I obviously can't plan when I'm going to die.

TakeawayTakeMeAway · 15/06/2018 11:51

This (very basic link) states "There are about three million rented homes in the Netherlands. About 75% of them are owned by housing associations".

www.government.nl/topics/housing/housing-associations

(Just to answer questions raised earlier.)

Didiusfalco · 15/06/2018 11:51

That sounds tough op. I think it’s not that there is anything wrong with renting as such, as pp have said it’s very normal in lots of countries. It just happens to be a shit option in this country. Obviously that needs to change, for lots of people in a lot of the south east owning is a pipe dream.

PatchworkGirl · 15/06/2018 11:54

I hate the 'dead money' argument. It's not dead - it's paying for something in the same way you'd pay utility bills, or for services like a cleaner, or for home repairs if you're a homeowner.

You have a choice (move away or stay where you're happy) and you've made the choice you're happy with - it's no better or worse than many of the choices this person has probably made themselves. Expensive holidays, loans on shiny new cars, fast fashion, make-up, eating out, smoking, or other luxuries could all be seen as 'dead money' which could be better invested for your future but I bet you don't criticise the people who make these purchases.

I'd ignore.

Makemineboozefree · 15/06/2018 11:55

Maybe this sounds a bit Facebook-meme-cheesy, but I subscribe to the view that a house isn't as important as the home you create inside it. You can live in the smallest place in the worst area and it can still be your palace. And I say this as someone who grew up in a council house – never did I once feel like it wasn't our home and that I shouldn't be happy to live there because it wasn't ours. Ironically, I feel no differently about the house I live in now, which I do own. What matters is that it's mine and my family's home.

Storm4star · 15/06/2018 11:57

@VladmirsPoutine

As soon as my mental or physical health declines to a degree where it's impacting on my quality of life, then yes I will end it. No one wakes up one day with full blown Alzheimer's for example. There's always a decline in mental/physical health, unless say you have a road accident or something which can happen at any age. I will know when the time is right and I know how I'm going to do it. As I say, I've already discussed this with my adult children and they support my decision. Even at my age now I'm happy with how my life has gone, I've done a lot of the things I wanted to do. So I just don't feel any desire to "cling on" if/when I do decline.

TakeawayTakeMeAway · 15/06/2018 11:57

@patchworkgirl I feel exactly the same way! I mean, you need to live somewhere Hmm.

I have friends who are so underwater in their mortgages that they have not been able to afford to move house (one would have had to have paid 10,000 just to be rid of it). So you know, there's dead money and there's dead money....

Lucisky · 15/06/2018 11:58

Takeaway - thanks for the link. Very interesting.

merrygoround51 · 15/06/2018 11:58

In countries like Germany, Netherlands, Sweden, many of those who rent own a 2nd holiday type home that they retire to.

BarbaraofSevillle · 15/06/2018 12:01

I think in Germany, along with many other more enlightened countries, housing is owned by pension funds as an investment, private or public companies, perhaps by private individuals too, but on a much smaller scale. It's a different culture. Housing is a basic need, not something to make a quick buck on.

In Germany, people save a lot more for retirement too, so they can afford to continue paying rent, even when they are not earning.

Imagine a system where you can rent somewhere affordable where you need to, for as long as you like, but can also move quickly if you need a different sized house, or one in a different location?

A lot of people in the UK want to buy because renting is insecure and expensive. But then people might want to rent if they know their job is short term.

cestlavielife · 15/06/2018 12:02

But most people saying they "own" mean that they are paying a mortgage and won't "own" until.20.or 25 years time. And will.continue to have maintenance costs so may be a 10k new roof or a 3k boiler etc to pay when a pensioner. Owning with mortgage paid off is not cost free for the pensioner.

TaighNamGastaOrt · 15/06/2018 12:02

Know the feeling OP. DH and I work for charities so are never going to be rich money-wise. We've looked at other better-paying jobs but we are very happy in our flexible, heart warming jobs. Our kids are happy as we can work around their needs.
We'll also inherit when DP's pass on, MiL has offered us a deposit from their savings but even with that, we can't find an affordable home!
We're still looking, but have kind of resigned ourselves to the fact we may be in social housing for a long time yet!
Nothing wrong with that, we were brought up in social housing! But we do get the whole 'you havent bought a house so you are failures' attitude! We are lucky to have a lovely social property that is a warm, safe roof over our head, so we count our blessings for that!

Starlive22 · 15/06/2018 12:04

Sounds to me like you have a fabulous life with happy kids. What more do you need? People will always judge but I would say happiness and health are the goals in life. Money/house/dream career are secondary.

I for one think you have the right attitude!

cadburyegg · 15/06/2018 12:04

YANBU op your friend (?) was very unkind. I am a homeowner but I would never say derogatory things like that to my friends who rent.

Frosty66612 · 15/06/2018 12:08

I also don’t think you can say that you won’t go to a care home. My grandad always said he’d kill himself before he got to tne point of having to go to one. He suffered from a huge stroke completely out the blue one day a few years back though and he’s now in a care home as he can’t even go to the toilet himself anymore. If one of us were to put him out of his misery then we’d be done for murder. He refuses food most of the time as he just wants to die, but they force feed him special bulking drinks that will keep him alive.
Anyway - my point is that NONE of us can predict the future for ourselves. We could die today in a freak accident, live to be 80 and spend many years in a care home, or live to be 110 in great health before passing away peacefully in our sleep. I don’t think life should revolve around money and planning for futures we might not even get the chance to reach, but I also don’t think we should bury our heads in the sand either. This obviously isn’t directed at those who aren’t in the position to be saving and can’t get on the property ladder. The government needs to come up with an idea quickly on how to help people in those positions so there isn’t a crisis in a few years. 0% mortgages need to be readily available

FTRT · 15/06/2018 12:09

Our house is an added pension pot to us.

We own a lot more of it now than the mortgage company does, which is a good feeling.

We plan to sell it when the mortgage is paid off, which will be about 4 years before DH retires, buy a static caravan to live in, and sod off abroad for the coldest months.

Not long now...…

I have really encouraged my DD and her DH to buy as well. She is only 29, but they are just about to buy their 3rd house, due to having a 2nd child and needing four bedrooms. 9 year age gap between the DC and possibly planning a 3rd. Luckily house prices here (East Midlands) are still good, so their plan is very doable.

I couldn't imagine renting nowadays. The uncertainty would worry me.

VladmirsPoutine · 15/06/2018 12:10

@Storm4star I see, it's good that your dc are on board. Care homes are horrific places IME.

NameChanger22 · 15/06/2018 12:12

I own a house. Houses are a money pit.

Justaboy · 15/06/2018 12:13

Pity they don't build more affordable usefull homes for young famlies, around here its always" exclusive flats" and "excutive palaces";(

Any chance of the bank of mum and dad helping out at all OP?

Metoodear · 15/06/2018 12:14

I have lived in a council house most of my life it is shit you have little choice we’re you live most are on shit hole housing or flat estates or it the shitest areas

The houses barr HA are substandard
And you can’t rwally make any major changes like add on a extra room ect I own my own home much better

Metoodear · 15/06/2018 12:14

How’ we did have to move out of London to do so