To think owning a home isn’t the only goal in life

[Bonjourmonami73]

Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE to own my own home but I am priced out of the market and it’s not looking like I will own any time soon. I could move to a cheap area where I don’t know a soul but I don’t want to. I have a great flexible job, 2 happy kids in a nice school, lots of friends, a social life, holidays etc. I just can’t afford a house as Would need £100k at least deposit.

Someone said to me yesterday that they don’t understand how I can ‘bear’ to live like this and that I should be doing everything I can including moving to a town 200 miles away to get on the housing ladder. I dont understand this logic at all. I would rather own my own home of course but I don’t have a deposit.

The other thing that this person said is ‘what will you do when you are older’ and the truth is I don’t have the answer. Maybe move somewhere cheaper then when my kids are grown up.

Aibu to feel like this? I am a bit tired of being asked why I can’t buy a house. I have actually privately rented this house for 7 years and can have it for at least another 2. Yes I know it’s ‘dead money’ but there isn’t anything I can’t do about that as I can’t save £100k for a deposit.

I feel judged constantly for renting- the person yesterday basically implied I had totally failed in my life.

Aibu?

nottinghillgrey

I'm so sorry to hear about your DH and I'm glad you have the security of your home. I do think though that since the vast majority of people don't clear their mortgage while their children are young that for most of them home ownership wouldn't actually help in that situation. Really to protect against that situation they need either large savings or an insurance policy.

well, at the risk of sounding like CZJ I'm glad I own my own home but it was eye opening a while ago when I met women who weren't married to the fathers of their children and they had none of the mumsnet-typical anxiety with regard to being unmarried and without rights or security in the event of splitting up. In many cases it was their name on the tenancy council lease and so they were secure whether the abuser/loser came or went. It was interesting, but most people aren't in that situation either. Most women are trying to scramble up against the odds and obstacles. Owning even the tiniest house (or even a studio flat) is an indescribable feeling of safety, a real safety net - or so it has certainly felt to me.

Maslou style, I found other ideas and plans and enthusiasms coming out of me when I had the security beneath me. It is exhausting how in modern society, a secure roof over our heads forces us to expend so much energy, effort and creativity time and money.

Really to protect against that situation they need either large savings or an insurance policy.

Absolutely I agree. Insurance is usual to have alongside a mortgage though isn't it? I mean we were paid so didn't have the hassle of that additional situation when sorting out everything else, but I do think most mortgage holders would have the cover as well.

Owning a house is certainly a benefit as you age, because it's an asset. You will not have an asset if you've spent your whole life renting. Of course, that's the reality for many people, but it's certainly preferable to own a house if you are able to.

It was a big goal for me, but it's not everyone's goal.

Your call what to do with your money and no-one else's business if you're happy with your decision to maintain your current lifestyle and location at the expense of property ownership. It sounds like it is something you're torn over though, so perhaps your friend was picking up on that?

These days, very few people manage to buy without huge sacrifices (less desirable area or school catchment zone, further from friends or family, massive cutbacks on discretionary spending, steps taken to increase earning power resulting in less free time/more stress etc) so perhaps when you say that you struggle to make people understand, THEY feel that you are struggling to understand that those things are normal for everyone. There's no choice but to keep renting and then there's no choice but to keep renting having ruled out all the things I don't want to do...

Absolutely I agree. Insurance is usual to have alongside a mortgage though isn't it?

Agreed. It's certainly pushed for at the time you sort your mortgage but not everyone goes for it and you can get income insurance without owning a home. (As my DH is the main earner we're insured beyond the cost of the mortgage if you see what I mean).

I agree it's not the be all of everything but private renting is sickeningly expensive. Those with life-long council tenancies are the lucky ones.
That said, house or not I think everyone should consider how they will fund their retirement years as it stands many of us will be working right up until the day we die.

So many people are in the same situation OP that I think it's now becoming the norm for a large percentage of a certain age group. The Government has been pumping up house prices for far too long - it's become big business for them.
Something has to give. Why become a slave to a bank for the rest of your life. Renting is not dead money. I have family in Aberdeen where people who have bought overpriced houses over the past 10 years have found out that buying is dead money as they can't get rid of their overpriced shoe boxes. Huge price drops there (20-30%) over the past 4 years...coming to a place near you soon perhaps.

Well whoever you've been talking to must be a bit dim if they can't think why most people can't afford to buy, even on quite decent incomes, in places where a property costs £350k, so they end up trapped in rented because they are paying high rent so can't save a deposit. It's not like this problem hasn't been common knowledge for a while now.

People who have bought recently without very high wages would have had parental help or an inheritence or they have bought earlier when prices are lower. A relatively small percentage will have bought by 'simply' saving a deposit themselves.

I think it’s pathetic how healthy adults who are able to work think it’s great to rent and claim housing benefit. Why? Have some god damn personal responsibility!
That goes for pensioners who are claiming it too, are you telling me they couldn’t sort themselves out over a period of 50 years where they were able to work?

I’m mid 40s and been mortgage free for a few years. In my 20s, newly mortgaged I starved at times to pay the bills. All this “it’s ok to rent OP” is bullshit. Make an effort and look for a job in an affordable area and then go for buying.

I’m not saying it isn’t my goal. It is but my point is that I have no choice. The housing market isn’t working for me. I earn 40k a year but I am getting nowhere. I have a ‘small’ 20k deposit and i will inherit money (but I don’t want to think about it)

My point is that I am tired of being treated like I have fucked up my life because I can’t afford insane prices.

I never said it wasnt a goal- I want security like everyone else!!

There are plenty of countries where renting is a lifelong solution to housing. There is no reason why home ownership should have such a premium here, except that our rental market can be shit and precarious in places. We need to work to reform the system so that it's more of a viable long-term solution.

I definitely recommend the work of Acorn, the Renters' Union, to anyone who is in a private let. They are doing some amazing work to fight shit landlords and unfair evictions.

I will hopefully be a home owner one day - at the moment I stand to inherit a small amount of money within the next 10 years which will hopefully be a deposit. Homes are cheap enough where I live and I can get a 2 bed semi (which is all I need as only have one child) for under £100k. Of course though I am not counting on the inheritance as I know nothing is guaranteed.

For now though I can't afford it and my credit rating is bad so I couldn't get a mortgage right now anyway. I'm going to spend the next few years improving my credit rating, having a few lovely holidays with DS and when I go back to work full time (when he's at secondary school) then I'll try and get onto the property ladder.

@happy at what point did I say I didn’t work and claimed housing????? I work full time and earn 40k.

happy

You should probably change your username

I think when people say this nonsense they do not have a good final salary pension and are relying on their home being their pension. You sound well organised and like you know what you want from life. Good for you :)

Buy whatever you can afford, wherever you can afford and rent it out.

YANBU, that said though we did what many wouldn't consider doing - we moved out of the city we were living around 10 miles away so it's a commutable distance to be able to buy a house. Our rent was increasing every year and becoming more and more affordable. Yes, owning isn't everything, but rent increasing much faster than salaries also isn't sustainable, we were pushed out essentially from our falling apart 2 and a half bed house despite DH earning around 70k pre tax.

@bonjour

I didn’t say you did claim HB. It just seems to be so “accepted”these days. What will happen when you retire?

happy that's ridiculous. A nurse or teacher working in London will have no opportunity to buy a house yet are probably contributing more towards society than you or I. I own my home but am happy to pay towards housing benefit for pensioners who aren't as lucky as me.

I get peoples point about retirement but I won't retire until I'm nearly 70 anyway. I have certain plans for retirement which mean I am unlikely to need housing benefit, however, IF I should find I need it, even if I lived until 90 (highly unlikely!) and claimed HB for 20 years, that would equate to roughly a quarter of what I will have paid in tax and NI. That would still leave 30 years of me "paying in" to the system, maybe minus any treatment I'd need on the NHS, stuff like that, whatever all this money goes to! But I for one, and you can slate me for it if you like, feel I'll have paid in enough at that point to claim HB if I need it. Like I said, I might not, but I won't consider myself a "scrounger" if I do need to. Regardless of what anyone else thinks. Care home costs aren't a consideration for me as I 100% won't be going in one. I'm "exiting" before that happens, which my grown up children already know about.

happy - you are out of line. Those who don't have to claim benefits, and who have never had to, are lucky. That's all that separates them from those who have to.

I've never claimed benefits either. But I did become drastically ill in my mid 30s (through no fault of my own) and had to give up work for a few years. I didn't claim because I am fortunate enough to have a partner who is loving and earns enough to keep us both. But if I had been single, or poorer, or if I'd had a shit partner who headed for the hills as I became ill, I would have had to use the safety net of the welfare state. It's what it's there for, and it's luck that keeps many people above it, not merit.

Slightly off topic, but I often read that "everyone in Germany rents". Surely this can't be true, there must be quite a few owner occupiers. And if the majority rent, who owns all these houses they are renting? It can't all be social housing. There must be a lot of individuals who own a lot of property in order to rent it out in the first place.. Genuine question, I am not being funny.

Same with me @Storm4star . I will work as long as I can. I have no plans to go into a care home, they're awful places and I would rather not be here.

*Unaffordable, I wish it was becoming more affordable!