to think it's not normal to leave washing up over night?

[BigMamaTee]

Had to have words with DP tonight...

Can anyone please tell me if I'm being unreasonable or not in thinking that:

• surfaces should be wiped after use (not 3 days later)
• if you cook on the hob and get oil everywhere you should clean it (same day)
• you don't leave washing up overnight to get smelly and gross
• nor do you leave bits of food floating in the drain catcher in the sink when you can just put them straight in the bin
• it's not normal to do not one bit of cleaning in the week and to just mop a floor or give a surface a wipe on a Sunday

AIBU in expecting DP to do the above? I'm not a clean freak but I like the house to be clean. I'm torn between leaving his shit for him to do and it building up all week for him to half heartedly clean on the weekend, or to just clean it myself and be happy my house is clean but to want to nut him for being so lazy....

I do everything for DP. Cook, clean, make his meals for him, look after his DD etc.

Playing devil's advocate here - Surely if you're doing all the cooking, then it's you who's made the mess, especially on the hob? In which case he's the one cleaning up after you. Besides, if you do all the cleaning for your DP there won't be any left for him to do. His DD? not yours then?

I get you are feeling unappreciated. Perhaps a division of labour that better suits your individual preferences would be better. If cleaning up the kitchen of an evening isn't his thing it might be better to split the tasks up differently so you can do it.

@DontMakeMeShushYou I did explain earlier up thread that when he's late he cooks his own food which is quite often. I cook his lunches as well as mine and clean up as I go along as I find it far easier!

And yes to cleaning the surfaces/hob straight after use so they can be used again. Imagine preparing breakfast/packed lunch on a filthy worktop 🤮

Surely you clean the worktops immediately BEFORE preparing food though? You wouldn't prepare food on surfaces that hadn't been cleaned since the night before. Would you???

"not normal to leave washing up overnight"

< slinks off thread >

I did explain earlier up thread that when he's late he cooks his own food which is quite often. I cook his lunches as well as mine and clean up as I go along as I find it far easier!

I thought you said he got in at 4.10?

dont yes sometimes he's back late and 2-3 times he's back at 4:10 ish. He often goes straight to the gym or goes for a drink after work etc so not always back early on the days he does finish at 4!

I’m with you op, worktops and hobs wiped after use, dishwasher on before bed and non-dishwasher stuff washed after use. It takes minutes if done each day and food doesn’t end up dried on to dishes so it’s easier to clean. It’s always nice to start the day afresh with things clean and ready to use in the morning.

Our rule is that everything gets done at least every 24 hours.

I agree with those that say neither of you is right, nor wrong, and fair play to you OP for taking that on board. Increasingly unusual on AIBU

We have a dishwasher, but those odd bits that don't go in, sit on the side for days until someone makes time, or someone needs the things that are there. Never ever had a smell from things.

I honestly just thought it was normal to wipe surfaces after you use them and wash up a manky plate or bowl before you go to bed

It is

YANBU op. I could have written your post about my dp. It's the only thing we ever argue about really. I reached the end of my tether the other day because I came home after a long day, went to start making dinner (I do 90% of all cooking) and had to wipe down the kitchen and wash the dishes before I could even start. Words were had.
We have a loose rule that the person who doesn't cook washes up and puts the dishes away. I pretty much wash up in part as I'm going along and I always clean the surfaces etc after cooking as well so it's not even that big a job. Apparently it was too much for him to clean up after himself when he made his breakfast and there was jam and crumbs and tea spills all over the bloody place as well as half the pots from the night before.

The upshot is we are buying a dishwasher and he has agreed to try harder. He has never lived with anyone before to cut him some small slack and it's a steep learning curve for him as I come with two pre teen girls for free, but at the same time it's not rocket science is it? Eat food,wash dishes, leave them to dry a bit, give surfaces a wipe, put dishes away-20 minutes tops.

I often leave dishes to do the next day.
You sound very highly strung. Does Dh think that?

"Surely no one is so tired/busy/addicted to TV that they can't find 10 mins to sort it all out after eating"

But it doesn't take 5 minutes, or even 10 does it.
Loading dishwasher, takes quite a few minutes. Running a sink of hot water and actually scrubbing hard staines takes quite a few minutes and quite a lot of effort.

The thought of scrubbing a ...... tried to think of worst thing ..... caked on lasagne dish, greasy roast potato pan, stuck on food generally ...., fills me with dred.

Doing a whole sink of washing up easily can take 20 minutes +.

It's very normal in my house. I know I'm disgusting but I'm much more fresh and awake to do housework in the morning than at night when I'm exhausted.

We nearly always leave it overnight. Try and get a dishwasher load on but don’t care if we don’t.

oblomov and think about what that roasted potato pan looks like the next day not highly strung at all just like a clean kitchen! I think anything that is a food product and produces a smell should be cleaned the same day.

"Surely you clean the worktops immediately BEFORE preparing food though? You wouldn't prepare food on surfaces that hadn't been cleaned since the night before. Would you???"

Errrr. No.

oblomov also if I was in your position I would clean the simple things (plates cutlery) etc and anything caked on I would leave to soak during dinner in hot water so when it came to washing it up it'd be easy!

I’m with you op. After dinner, DH and I go and clean the kitchen together. He used to think you could leave it (when it was his turn he’d say he’d do it in the morning and what a surprise, he’d be running late so he couldn’t ) but over the years I think he’s come to appreciate coming down to a clean kitchen. Our mornings are manic with the kids. After years of arguing about it (I hate leaving dishes over night) I think he now agrees. We both just stand up to clean it without any fuss. 5 mins later it’s done and we’re relaxing.

I must of broken his spirit.

I'm with you op, I never go to bed with stuff in the sink. Its just setting the day up with more to do so I make sure I do it all either straight after eating, as I cook or before bed. I also wipe surfaces before and after each use. I'm not a clean freak but these are basics I genuinely thought most did

No rules are there? Just you have different standards (you are right) dishwasher would help, you can get small or tabletop one.
Oil should not go down sink, it block drains and sewers, pour into a jar, screw on top and bin, or recycle in food bin.

I don’t understand why you’d leave dirty washing up overnight. Either it sits in water, where you then have to put your hand in to get the plug out and empty it - urgh or it sits on the side where the food dries on and makes it far harder to clean. It’s much easier to just do it immediately. Plus if it’s left it gets in the way of you trying to do anything else in the kitchen, it starts to smell and it attracts insects. I’d only leave a specific item soaking if it needed it. DH wouldn’t bother to wash up that night if it was totally up to him but he does appreciate the arguments above so generally gets it done.

We clean kitchen a few times a day..pretty much every time we cook. Just do floors on a night though.

Our kitchen gets cleaned after we use it, I may leave the pots to drain on the drainer for a while sometimes.
I can't go to bed if the house is in a mess lol.

Blimey missing I don't think I have enough jars for that!