To think that there are too many red flags.

[Justnotsure1980]

New partner, great guy and friends for years.

Now we’re in a relationship and he’s opening up to me and he’s revealed;

Serious sexual fetish.
Mental ill health requiring medication.
Past relationships with men.
Offending behaviour in his childhood.

He’s a great guy, but AIBU to think that there are too many red flags to take this relationship forward?

You’re like my first ever conversion
I wonder if I get a badge.

The more I read the word bumhole the weirder it looks though.

You think the word looks weird?

Yep. Too many RFs for me.
He's quite the project, isn't he?
Run.

He's quite the project, isn't he?

Referring to someone with mental health issues as a 'project' as though they need to be fixed or something is vile(apologies if you meant something else but I'm struggling to see what else you would mean by this).

Actually I definitely find the idea of lady bumholes less vile.

Before I retired I used to work in a waxing salon and believe me womens are certainly better tended (up to a certain age), I am not convinced some of the men even wiped

I'm happy to go so far as to say it's cultural, and in a lot of cases unconsciously homophobic and about how society defines masculinity

Those are two completely different things imo.

For me, my 'type' is traditionally and stereotypically masculine. Tall, broad, strong, hairy, competent at manual tasks, manly.

The thought of having sex with a man who has had sex with other men is so far from my preference of what I find sexually attractive (there's nothing particularly traditionally masculine about a man that has sex with other men is there?) that it makes me feel queasy. In the same way that, for me, the thought of having sex with a 90 year old man, or having sex with a woman does.

That's a strong sexual preference and quite possibly caused/driven by societal messages about masculinity.

But homophobia? That's another matter altogether imo. I'm not homophobic in the slightest, but I am fairly fussy who I sleep with.

To equate sexual preference with homophobia (or any other 'ia' or 'ism') is hugely unfair.