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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have pointed out how long it is since I have had an orgasm

142 replies

Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 13/06/2018 08:03

With DH
We were cuddling this morning and I mentioned later on tonight it might be nice if we have sex and he pleasures me. Worded this as in I want him to do all sorts of nice things to me. When he said maybe if you get lucky I said “do you know the last time I came with you was when we were away 7 months ago.
He is now pissed I have been “counting” and he cant believe it’s been that long. I said we have had sex but you have finished and then always said you were too tired to carry on with me (never been able to climax during intercourse)
It’s true though when we have sex he is then too tired after and practically falls asleep. When we are having foreplay he just wants to get to the intercourse part as soon as possible.
I haven’t been counting I just remember the last time was when we were away and that was not great to be honest. I did climax but only just.
Think his ego is a bit bruised now but I am not going to hide the fact from him it has been that long. He has always been a bit selfish in bed to be honest and when he is doing things to me he will ruin it quite often by making a silly voice or stupid joke.

I just want to feel desired

OP posts:
Tobebythesea · 13/06/2018 08:04

I’m surprised you haven’t mentioned it to him earlier. Why not?

Tobuyornot99 · 13/06/2018 08:04

I wouldn't bother shagging someone who had no regard for my pleasure. Shut up shop until he bucks his ideas up, fuck his ego.

Original poster
Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 13/06/2018 08:05

Sorry posted to soon. I just feel he can’t be bothered and it makes me not want to bother with him.

I have been a long time lurker and have been on Mumsnet before but just recently come back

OP posts:
Original poster
Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 13/06/2018 08:06

Haven’t mentioned it before but I guess I just didn’t want to get knocked back. He does not have the greatest sex drive but when he does it is all about him

OP posts:
Branleuse · 13/06/2018 08:07

fuck that for a laugh.
HES pissed off with YOU now??
Hes selfish and crap in bed

Timeforabiscuit · 13/06/2018 08:07

Is he inconsiderate in other ways?

Would he be happy having sex for seven months without ejaculating? Bugger his ego! He has some catching up to do!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 13/06/2018 08:08

If he’s too tired after you need to orgasm first.

midnightmisssuki · 13/06/2018 08:09

Confused how selfish of him. What are his redeeming qualities?

Jammycustard · 13/06/2018 08:09

That’s really depressing for you, not just the lack of pleasure but the lack of awareness that he’s selfish in bed. Is this indicative of a wider problem? Is he selfish in general? Is he open to discussion now? (Doesn’t sound like it?).

TheNavigator · 13/06/2018 08:10

He sounds totally shit in bed and his ego deserves to be bruised. Do you have children? If not, I would seriously leave. Life is too short to spend it having crap, unsatisfying sex.

DaffoDeffo · 13/06/2018 08:11

get a vibrator and do it yourself. Sounds like it will be far more satisfying

Original poster
Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 13/06/2018 08:11

Has anyone had thing with there husband and managed to get things to change?
He is a great husband in all other ways and tells m he loves me and I am beautiful and I know he means it.
I guess I just want him to walk in from work one day tell me he has been wanting to fuck me all day and take me roughly on the table. I want to feel desired

OP posts:
JustVent · 13/06/2018 08:13

I’d be more pissed off with the “if you’re lucky” comment. It all sounds a bit selfish.

However, his ego is bruised now but the message has been put across so hopefully that’s enough for him to put a bit more effort in.

annandale · 13/06/2018 08:13

He probably does know on some level that he's not great at this, hence his reaction. The only answer would seem to be not to go to piv until you've come. The question will be how he reacts - will he see it as a sexy new era or a chore?

ZiziJeanmaire · 13/06/2018 08:15

Why do you have sex at night if he is too tired? Is it not possible at a different time of day?

Original poster
Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 13/06/2018 08:15

I really is great in other ways. Good provider, good father, does his share of the housework, makes me laugh, caring, really supportive etc. I have a disability and can’t work at the moment and he is fantastic about all that and supportive.
He does listen to me and is easy to talk to unless it is about sex.
All the issues in our relationship come down to sex.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 13/06/2018 08:16

I always get my orgasm first before PIV. If he's too tired afterwards then you need to have yours first too

Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 13/06/2018 08:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shoxfordian · 13/06/2018 08:21

He's selfish
Make sure you orgasm everytime; give yourself an orgasm

Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 13/06/2018 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoshPenny · 13/06/2018 08:26

He has Issues. Honestly I'd buy a vibrator or two and crack on without him. Nothing worse than Crap Sex Thanks

YourHandInMyHand · 13/06/2018 08:28
Shock

Does he actually like sex?? Because it sounds like he doesn't.

I think you should go to somewhere like relate about this, and talk it through together with someone impartial and professional. My bets though are that he'd refuse to go. Sad

Jammycustard · 13/06/2018 08:30

Sounds like he def has some issues. That ‘on hear’ comment is designed to humiliate you and deflect. At a guess I’d say he has a libido that doesn’t match yours.
When he’s given you an orgasm in the past how did he do it? Hand, mouth? And was he willing or did you have to ask for it?

Ohyesiam · 13/06/2018 08:31

He’s embarrassed that you’ve pointed out he’s lacking in sex skills. He needs to sort you out first, I thought everyone except school boys knew that?

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 13/06/2018 08:32

Dear God but he's shit and selfish in bed. It doesn't sound like he has a very high drive either.

I will take it from you that he is genuinely a good DH in other ways, so I would tell him that the two of you need to have an honest, open and constructive conversation about sex, if necessary with a counsellor to mediate. The obvious solution is that he gets you off before you get to PIV, in whatever way works. If he won't have that conversation, you will have a problem on your hands that may well fester away until it kills your love.