To have pointed out how long it is since I have had an orgasm

[Raspberryberetthekindyoufind]

With DH
We were cuddling this morning and I mentioned later on tonight it might be nice if we have sex and he pleasures me. Worded this as in I want him to do all sorts of nice things to me. When he said maybe if you get lucky I said “do you know the last time I came with you was when we were away 7 months ago.
He is now pissed I have been “counting” and he cant believe it’s been that long. I said we have had sex but you have finished and then always said you were too tired to carry on with me (never been able to climax during intercourse)
It’s true though when we have sex he is then too tired after and practically falls asleep. When we are having foreplay he just wants to get to the intercourse part as soon as possible.
I haven’t been counting I just remember the last time was when we were away and that was not great to be honest. I did climax but only just.
Think his ego is a bit bruised now but I am not going to hide the fact from him it has been that long. He has always been a bit selfish in bed to be honest and when he is doing things to me he will ruin it quite often by making a silly voice or stupid joke.

I just want to feel desired

Poor you OP, what a crap lover.

It's very rare I orgasm from PIV, we both know this so my DH always makes sure I'm happy that he has his turn, whatever it may be that day. Then afterwards he still always checks if I want more etc. And never seems to believe me when I say I'm done.

I think he's jealous that women can just keep going.

TMI warning
I feel I have to defend men a little, although I agree he is being extrodinarally selfish, at the very least.

I'd be thrilled to bring my DW to orgasm by hand or mouth, prior to intercourse, but, 1) to be honest, I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing. (Please don't assume your DH / OH does!!.) 2) She won't let me (yet - see posts in "How to cope in a sexless marriage").

Because of our issues, and the times we do have sex, I can be a little, shall we say, quick, I did some research into how women orgasm. I was surprised to find that a large percentage of women don't orgasm during intercourse.

I now understand that most women orgasm through clitoral stimulation. My problem is, (and I'm certain I'm not alone) is that I'm not 100% certain a) exactly where the clitorus is. b) if what I'm doing is of any use.

Yes, I know there are books, and pictures etc, but when was the last time you allowed the man in your life to bring a book into the bedroom, so that he could compare your genitals to a picture? (Can you imagine?)

I have found that letting my DW "ride" my thigh brings her off, and I'm more than happy to let her do that, because seeing her so turned on makes me even more turned on, and I feel that (maybe) my performance doesn't matter quite as much.

I want to be better at these things. I've asked if she would let me watch her masturbate, so that I can -join in- understand what I should be doing, and where, but that has been flatly refused.

I am letting her guide me more, rather than floundering around, and that's helping.

So ladies, please be a little more paitent with the man in your life. We may like to think we're god's gift to women, but a lot of us know we're not, but it's a difficult thing to admit!

I think this sounds like something you both really need to go to counseling about. DH and I have both had spells of mis-matched sex drives through the years, but it's always been something we've been willing to listen to the other about and try to work together. I don't think sex is the real issue, it's your lack of communication, understanding and working together on it that's the issue.

Surrey. How long have you and dw been married? I found our sex life has improved with time and she needs to show you what she likes. Every woman is different. She needs to guide your hand instead of expecting you to just know.

What a bunch of bollocks. Orgasms make ME extremely drowsy (and undoubtedly many other women too), but shockingly, when DH hasn't had his yet, I hang in there until he has.

A man doesn't usually need a woman to be actively be doing anything, in order to facilitate has orgasm. If this were true with the sexes reversed, this thread wouldn't need to exist.

"A man doesn't usually need a woman to be actively be doing anything, in order to facilitate has orgasm."

What?!

I think most decent men would baulk at having sex with a partner who was literally comatose!!

Never, is the past 25 years of marriage, has my DH rolled over and fallen asleep before ensuring that I am also satisfied.Never, is the past 25 years of marriage, has my DH rolled over and fallen asleep before ensuring that I am also satisfied.

You seem to be conflating two issues. I said nothing about men not ensuring satisfaction, I was merely talking about the order of orgasms. If you DH always satisfies you after he has finished, I would think that is unusual. I have no statistical evidence, but (without counting) I think there is a majority on this thread who favour the approach of women having orgasm first.

Firesuit - I'm really struggling to relate to the way you talk about sex. It's not a routine with a given order of priority and an established series of moves, right? In some circumstances, one party might come first, in another a different party. And it's not singular either - in some cases, one person might come multiple times etc. It depends on the particular event and circumstances. Provided you both end satisfied and happy, it doesn't really matter how you got there, right?

A man doesn't usually need a woman to be actively be doing anything, in order to facilitate has orgasm.

Did you seriously just suggest that I go to sleep and DH can finish anyway? Or that most men don't care if a women just lies there inert rather than actively participating?

Jeez your sex life sounds unpleasant.

I think most decent men would baulk at having sex with a partner who was literally comatose!!

I don't think I said that decent men would be willing to rape women. I'm not sure how you came to that conclusion.

I think you're being obtuse in order to start a fight, I'm hiding the thread now.

I had an ex who would tell me that it was my fault I couldn't come from PIV, he's never had this problem with any other female, it's just cos I'm a slag and had so much dick that I'm desensitised apparently.

I mean I don't have any stats on this or whatever but I would have thought that it was quite uncommon for a woman to be able to come that way? I know I can't and my DH (thankfully) never assumed I could or that it was always the way it happened normally

I’m always first. Again and again usually. Then it’s his turn. From what you describe you’re with someone who is crap in bed.

Are there hugs and cuddles or is the whole thing out of bounds or only linked to sex.The feeling of being undesirable can change to unloved and no matter how good he is these will matter less.

I'm not being obtuse Firesuit, I genuinely don't understand the way you are talking about sex. My experience is completely different. Others are saying the same thing. It is not our experience that men fall asleep like they have been drugged after sex, that they don't require a participative female partner, or that there is an 'order' in which orgasms routinely take place. I guess different strokes, different folks (quite literally!)

I have been married, very very happily for 13 years, to my DH, he is my second husband, my first husband was so selfish in bed, it was definitely all about him, so, I had faked orgasms for 15 years with my first husband. So when I met my DH I was dreading having sex, so I was very happy when he was so attentive, foreplay lasted for longer than 15 seconds and he really loved me being completely satisfied, he was not one to roll over straight after sex. Seven years ago I had an accident that damaged my spine, pelvis and

Me first never works for us its always me second, but we both always finish both of us, sex should be fun he doesn't sound like he's enjoying it maybe you should have a conversion about why he doesn't see it as a thing you should both enjoy!

( oops posted my reply too soon) and now it is impossible for me to orgasm at all, we still have sex, but my hubby says it has lost its spark, and he feels guilty because I can't have an orgasm.

This thread is making me SO ANGRY. Seriously.

the comments like "on heat are we?", and making you feel stupid for trying, are what are really getting to me.

I used to read mn (and other things) looking for ideas to get sex going in my LTR and I just felt so humiliated about it all. It's just not kind, nice, or goddamned polite to be like this to you. And he should be MORE than all that. he should be loving, in addition to those three things.

I got rid of mine. I beat myself up over this, and other things, for 13 years and it was so bloody miserable.

I'm so angry. You don't even realise how this is messing with all of you. Sexual and romantic self esteem isn't separable from the whole person. It would be bad enough but you also have pain and you are looking for comfort from your partner and being made to feel bad about it. I could cry for you. (and past-me)

There is so much more to life than this.

FUCK HIM. (no, don't) but FUCK all this MISERABLE SELFISH JOYLESS MEN. how dare they squat on our lives, blocking the light from all the good stuff. how fucking dare they

Can I just ask the practicalities, so if you have an orgasm first, do you then go straight to PVI?

I usually need a few minutes to recover (I'm trying not to be smug, genuinely) but yeah, more or less? I come, we cuddle, I catch my breath, then we either kiss and fondle for a few mins before PIV or, depending on the pace, go straight for it. I'm relaxed and "ready" thanks to the orgasm and I want the psychological pleasure of seeing him get his.

@Fairynormal very, very sorry to hear that, it must be extremely difficult for you both.

OP you are crazily tolerant!!!!!!!!!! 7 months of him getting his jollies off and just fucking leaving you without any pleasure?!?!?!? The whole point of sex with a loving partner is that you both enjoy that the other one is enjoying themselves! Either he sorts you out before or after. EVERY TIME. Or he accepts you won't have sex with him. No other options. Selfish, selfish man.

The only time a partner ever pulled this shit on me I was 21, I had been with him for 4 years and he was totally over the relationship (and had probably cheated) and suddenly one day he said he didn't want to do it for me as other women had no problem reaching orgasm through sex. I think women not demanding to be pleasured in the bedroom has mistakenly given men the idea that they don't need to be as the men are so wonderful in the first place. Therefore any woman who can't is somehow "broken".

He sounds like a terrible lover. If he's not willing to change he doesn't deserve sex with you!

We have lots of kisses and cuddles and he is always telling me how gorgeous I am etc.
It’s just the sex part. I quite often go to bed when DS does as I am in pain and he says this is a turn off as he wants to me to stay up with him. Even though I do most nights. He said if I stayed up with him he would inisate sex but I did an experiment of couple of months ago when I stayed up for three weeks soild with him and nothing.

He’s shite and he knows he’s shite.

I quite often go to bed when DS does as I am in pain and he says this is a turn off as he wants to me to stay up with him

Why are you in pain? And why is his reaction to you being in pain to make you feel guilty and like you're to blame for lack of sex?