Gutted for DD1 - prizegiving

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Devastated tonight for Dd1.

She is brilliant at school. She tries so hard. She has just had an amazing report, great comments and near the top in almost all her subjects.

2 years ahead of her year group in 2 of her subjects.

Having counselling at the moment (school knows) about some MH problems.

2 lots of (intimate) surgery this year and months and months of healing and painful complications.

It was her school prize giving tonight. First thing I knew was her friends’ parents posting on Facebook about how proud they are.

I’m sure their children deserve it, it just seems so unfair that it’s almost a secret accolade for the chosen few.

No wonder her self esteem is through her boots - there is no system to positively feedback the “almost”.

Did she just not tell you about it?

Wasn't it mentioned online, or in a newsletter?

Is she bothered by it? Sometimes as parents we can see how unfair things are but dcs aren't that bothered until we mention it. Prob a cliche but what doesn't kill you makes u stronger.In a few months time u and she hopefully will have forgotten about it. There's nothing u can do to change it. It's just a school prize. You sound proud of her already and as long as she knows that then she doesn't need a prize (or some daft posting on fb-why do parents feel the need to do this? -can't they simply tell their dc or does the dc have to read it on fb? No one else is interested really)

It’s invite only - as it is at out primary school.

You are only invited if your child gets a prize.

Despite an amazing report, being 2 years ahead of her levels in 2 subjects, and having broken the “reading age” gauge to the extent that she is out with the range of grading her “reading age”.... she hasn’t been acknowledged

It’s not just her obviously. It’s her and all the other “nearly a” in the school.

Our school used to do the secret night for those who got a prize. It was bloody wierd and I was usually invited.

Looking back it was obviously a numbers limit. You couldn't fit 1000 kids plus parents in one room. So they only invited those with awards.

The Facebook thing is odd.

I disapprove of prize giving at school for that reason. It can make children who try really hard and do well, but just short of “best”, feel very disheartened.

Btw, I avoid social media as I have no need to hear about how proud, how blessed, everyone is !!!!!!!

I get why you're gutted, but by the same token, there isn't space to give awards to everyone in a ceremony.

We get 2 nominations for our subject for prize giving per year group. I can think of at least 10 in each of my own classes who would deserve it. We get 10 nominations for over 1,000 students we teach in y7-11.

Sadly, it's not about not recognising the "almost" and I'm not entirely convinved you can blame school for her self esteem. Ultimately, schools will have more children who they could give awards to than there are awards. There has to be a line drawn and a decision made.

They often reward children who have achieved from a low starting point or those who perhaps have less parental support, when an award might be the thing to spur them on to great things.

Equally sometimes very little thought goes into the choice.

We can't all be winners sadly. With your daughter's amazing scores she sounds like she will be fine without an award!

I hear you, OP. My DCs went through primary school with hardly a 'star of the week' between them, yet were consistently praised for good behaviour, politeness, helpfulness etc and were both strong at all or most subjects - but just never the outstanding one, so they never got any public recognition. Prizes seemed to go to the class swot / naturally brilliant pupils, or to those whose behaviour had improved a lot (usually from a very low base!).
Most kids hate prize-giving apparently: it's the parents who love it.

In a few years it won't matter any more, but that's no comfort today.

My son has won a few awards over his time at school and they are invite only for only the winners parents. The class numbers are really small at his school and I obviously don’t know how many prizes are given out at yours but there are two lots of awards at my sons school. Winter and summer, it seems children will win one. I don’t think they leave people out so she will more than likely get one next time round especially given how hard she’s trying.

I disagree with the prize giving as schools push the equality message and how it's more important to work hard and try your best etc .... but then reward the 'top' sets.

Smacks of double standards

Ehh I don’t know. Prizes are there to mark (usually) academic achievement, not boost self esteem. I don’t think it’s a problem that they’re competitive or go to the ‘naturally brilliant’ or ‘class swot’ . It helps those kids stand out on university applications, and honours academic excellence for its own sake. I think that’s ok.

Take her out, spoil her, tell her what a prize she is to you and how special she is l.

Class swot is a horrid phrase

my kid IS the class swot-top set for everything, involved in school drama in a huge way, consistently well behaved ...and he never gets anything at prize giving either!
I have no idea how they decide who gets the prizes!

but she has been rewarded-by good grades and a fab report.
If we focused on winning prizes for self esteem most of us would have none.
And harsh but true-special circumstances don't mean you deserve them more than anyone else except on the x factor, you don't know the other kids' circumstances.
Just treat her and love her for everything she's achieved.
Are you sure it's her you're devastated for and not you?

How old is she? I do find the focus on reading levels a bit odd if I'm honest, though she's obviously done amazing. They all catch up in the end.

Class swot is a horrid phrase
It was I who used it: I was the 'class swot' in my class, all the way through primary, and collected prizes galore.

My son's school gives "effort" prizes, so a decent number per class get an award despite not coming top. They give subject prizes too, and then millions of sport and music stuff.

My DD is yr11 always been in the top 3 of the class in every subject, great attendance, well mannered and excellent reports...but never been invited to the prize giving.

She's isn't bothered and it only annoys me once a year that she seems to be totally overlooked because she just gets her head down and gets on with it. DS is yr8 and I suspect the same will apply.

When I was in school, they gave a prize for best in each subject and most effort in each subject.
My daughters primary has certificate assembly regularly. The school awards certificates for a number of reasons not just academic achievement (my daughter has been awarded one for following the school ethos in being kind and helpful to other children). They also allow children to bring in badges/certificates from out of school activities such as dance, swimming, gym, music, rainbows, cubs etc to celebrate those achievements too. It means everyone gets a chance.

Tbf, Secret, invite only prize givings are much better than being forced to sit through the bloody things every year while the same people get the prizes.

deva That probably won't be the reason.
My guess is every other subject probabpy thought your DC would get loads of awards so they've gone for someone else.

I was talking about one of my pupils to our head of year about awards and the HOY and I said wr need to double check X for pastoral award because she'll probably already get A B C. We collect everything in and check there's nobody getting an award more than once (because there's not loads of awards and we have loads of talented and hard working students).
I bet your DCs school people have avoided her because she'll get an award from everyone and nobody has checked.

Try being at a small private primary school (overseas) where a lot of your kids schoolmates have parents who donate a lot of money to the school and who are former students. Put it this way a kid who had previously had to be restrained by police having attacked teachers on two separate occasions got one of the main prizes and every single child who had an alumni as a parent got an award. It was shameless. ☹️

With my DCs we were involved with three schools over a period of time. In two of these prizes always seemed to be awarded to the same children, with the result that one ore two people routinely left prizegiving with armfuls of trophies, etc. In the third (a Methodist school with a very strong Methodist ethos) prizegiving was much more egalitarian.
As MaisyPops says, there are often more children who deserve a prize than there are prizes and in this school no-one was awarded more than two any year, one being more usual. Prizes were distributed much more evenly, and prizewinners were usually different each year. This meant that so many more deserving children could be rewarded.
They also, for the younger children, had a merit system. These were awarded for excellent work and a number of merits over the year added up to bronze, silver, or gold awards, which were presented on prize day.
This was not at all a culture of 'everyone should get a prize', but of genuinely recognising excellence and effort where it occurred, and of being something within everyone's grasp. Equal opportunities for all.