Gutted for DD1 - prizegiving

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Devastated tonight for Dd1.

She is brilliant at school. She tries so hard. She has just had an amazing report, great comments and near the top in almost all her subjects.

2 years ahead of her year group in 2 of her subjects.

Having counselling at the moment (school knows) about some MH problems.

2 lots of (intimate) surgery this year and months and months of healing and painful complications.

It was her school prize giving tonight. First thing I knew was her friends’ parents posting on Facebook about how proud they are.

I’m sure their children deserve it, it just seems so unfair that it’s almost a secret accolade for the chosen few.

No wonder her self esteem is through her boots - there is no system to positively feedback the “almost”.

Tbh these are such a load of bollocks.

I don't think straight up academic awards for older kids are that bad. Kids know who the top students are so it's hard for there to be bad feeling if the awards actually go to whoever it is that's the brightest. It's a bit annoying when the same kid wins all of them but at least it's a fair way of doing it.

I explained to my dd, way before prize giving, that these prizes are rarely given to people who already excel. They are often given irrationally to people who've done well, or worked really hard. I reminded her of the accolades she had achieved and told her to remember those instead.

I have twins in the same class. one of them gets certificates, trophies, gets to bring the teddy bear home and got to read to a dog today! the other one has had nothing. bet u can guess which one the school says is best behaved. the one who gets nothing was in tears tonight cos she didn't get to read to the dog (she's just turned 5). I reckon it will carry on this way through school

Prize giving at school is such a load of stupidity .
My others are homeschooled but my youngest goes to school and thank heavens they don’t pull such stupid crap as giving prizes 🤦‍♀️

I am a secondary teacher and I hate choosing the prize winners for my subject (I hold a TLR so choose for the key stage I lead).

I hate it because there are genuinely so many deserving kids - both for attainment and effort but only 1 out of 250 in a year group can get the subject prize.

We do it termly and I do try to ensure that different children get it each time but still means only 3 per year can have a prize.

Left to me, most of the year would and up with an award probably why I am not in charge of deciding such things

I can see the argument for not making a fuss about academic success for the sake of seeing everyone as making their best efforts, but in that case they shouldn't get excited about sporting ability, pick the best for teams, and celebrate the individuals who score highest, repeatedly, rather than everyone who did their best.
No one ever let's the kids picks teams for maths, so that the last few feel thoroughly unwanted, it would be considered really unkind - but a lot of kids get rejected in that way in PE every lesson AND their are prizes and awards for sports that most will never get close to (certainly no prizes there for trying, just for being the best...).
By comparison, one evening a year where a few quietly get a prize for their work, doesn't seem all that bad?

different view alert...

I think it's odd if it's a secret thing, or a forced thing unless it takes place in school hours.

however, I don't think there's anything wrong with there not being a prize for everyone. Your DD has good grades etc.

I do think there are points where it can get a bit weird if everyone has a prize - then what is the point of the prize? But the secret thing is odd - apart from anything else DC are pleased to see their friend get a prize. Ours have always been in the school day time though, so that's a whole other thing.

The progress awards become a load of rubbish too when kids at top end can’t progress as they must stay within the years curriculum.

Some absolutely brilliant students can go through a whole school career without a single prize. At my kids schools, this often happens. It's not fair, it's not right but it's the world. Give her a long hug and let her know that her talent is real and true. She doesn't need a bit of card or a plated jug to prove that! 💐

Can you arrange your own special treat for your DD? Something to make her face light up?

My dc's school try to make it fair by giving a fair whack of the prizes to those who have worked the hardest, rather than those who have got the highest grade. That said - how do they know who tries the hardest?

And it is clear that there are some kids that seem to shine in sport and academia and music - and a load that just go under the radar.

Prize giving is commonly done in US secondary schools too. If you maintain an average grade of 85 out of 100 you are an honors student. If you maintain an average of 90 with no single course grade below 85 you are a high honors student. There are also honor societies for individual subjects and those students are allowed to tutor others.

You can't honor some without not honoring some others. It's a recognition of achievement not personal worth. I think it's fine.

I think prize giving is a positive thing if handled in the right way. Prizes for attainment and effort in every subject plus extra ones eg, overall improvement are a positive boost and reward for those that are working hard. I also think it’s important that prizes are awarded by merit, not shared out to stop anyone feeling left out.
If one kid gets 4 and loads get none, then fine, as it should be.
I understand that you feel bad for dd, but dare I say it, that’s life

All through primary my older (1 school year ahead) brother got the 'personality' award and was praised every year for his efforts. My parents were told by all his teachers what a joy he was to teach and then there was me - Average in every way. I never received a single award and remember being told "why can't you be more like your brother?" Looking back he was cute and popular and good at sport. I was awkward and not very pretty. But I finally blossomed at around 16! I left school and did well in my career. Have been happily married for nearly 25 years with 2 wonderful kids and own a lovely home. I get on well with people and have many good friends met throughout my life. At the time school seems so important but I try and tell my kids that the best is still to come. My brother who I love dearly is a good guy but his life for one reason or another is not the success story that all his teachers back then would have predicted.

I did laugh at the prize giving last year at my dd's school. A girl won the languages cup for her amazing effort and attainment. The girl was absent for at least 2 weeks every term but her father is French and she spends a lot of time in France. She has been brought up speaking French and English equally.

No offence but of your daughter is finding learning so easy maybe the school have decided to award those that have really tried to improve and achieve things? My son has reached reading level 10 this term, behind many of his peers but a massive achievement for him, so personally I feel that's more deserving of an award than the kid in the class who is flying with no effort

It really doesn't matter. You're feeling this far more than your kid.

As a child, I was 'brilliant' - aced every subject, won all the prizes etc, got 1sts in my degree subjects.

As an adult, I'm maybe slightly above average intellectually, but I do get hit by cars or walk into stuff quite a lot.

Everybody ultimately falls within their own bell curve.

She have been left out because of low attendance?

*Could

When I taught English we settled the children and, while the top set pupils shone, they were sometimes idle or failed to meet their potential. I noticed that the set two and three children often felt they had something to prove and worked very hard. They often did better than the top set because they were not bothered by prizes or other distractions but quietly got on with things at their own pace.

School is not real life and it is what happens elsewhere and afterwards that counts. I often met my lovely set twos and threes after they had left school and found they had done really well in life. Your DC’s time will come and she will be happy and successful with a supportive and loving family. If her reading age is off the clock she will do well academically too.

Setted not settled. Grrr! Predictive text.

At the time school seems so important but I try and tell my kids that the best is still to come.
That's very true! I did pretty well at school, but really hated secondary school. Every time someone said to me, with good intentions, that my school days were the best days of my life, it really worried me, that things were going to get even less fun than that!
Thankfully, I loved uni, and works fine too; school days are great for some, but for many there'll be better times ahead :-).

I do remember being fairly peed off in secondary when there was (supposedly) an achievement award and an effort award for each subject, and every year I came top in maths but I never once won the maths award. One year I got 99% in my end of year French exam, didn't win the award for French, but picked one up for effort in music (I'm tone deaf!) I think it did effect me at the time - I was bullied for being bring (a "swot") and it would have been nice to have been recognised positively for once.

*bright, not bring.