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Original poster

Gutted for DD1 - prizegiving

166 replies

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 12/06/2018 22:45

Devastated tonight for Dd1.

She is brilliant at school. She tries so hard. She has just had an amazing report, great comments and near the top in almost all her subjects.

2 years ahead of her year group in 2 of her subjects.

Having counselling at the moment (school knows) about some MH problems.

2 lots of (intimate) surgery this year and months and months of healing and painful complications.

It was her school prize giving tonight. First thing I knew was her friends’ parents posting on Facebook about how proud they are.

I’m sure their children deserve it, it just seems so unfair that it’s almost a secret accolade for the chosen few.

No wonder her self esteem is through her boots - there is no system to positively feedback the “almost”.

OP posts:
FASH84 · 12/06/2018 23:38

At my school there were awards for attainment in different academic areas, some for things like sports or musical excellence, but also some for progress, or community spirit (for volunteering etc) or school spirit that often went to the students who weren't always front and centre but designed the sets for school plays or did the organisation /ticket sales for charity events etc. So people were recognised for different strengths, but still in a school with 600+ students not everyone could get an award.

BarbarianMum · 12/06/2018 23:42

I was the "class swot" and never got any recognition, let alone prizes, for my achievements until my university finals. I did get plentifully bullied for being a swot and being academic though. Good to see not much has changed.

HeddaGarbled · 12/06/2018 23:49

I don’t know which is worse: the secret ceremony revealed on Facebook by the invited parents, or the usual type of prize-giving where the non-prize winners and their parents have to sit for hours on hard chairs with a too short break for inadequate refreshments in order to experience the not getting prizes first hand.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 12/06/2018 23:49

How is DD feeling about It?

I think, all you can do, is to explain that although it would be nice to get the award, it means nothing really. It’s not a system that rewards effort or ability, it’s a system that rewards favourites or the lesser able kids who need a boost.

You know she’s brilliant, those of us who have been around a long time know she’s brilliant...hopefully she knows she’s brilliant 🌷. It’s hard when you’re young & still at school, to see these things for what they are, but I hope she can.

crunchtime · 12/06/2018 23:51

my son was 3rd in his year of 300+ kids for maths- no prize

The school also give out subject badges for attainment and he hardly ever gets a badge despite being in top set for everything

completely overlooked

Terramirabilis · 12/06/2018 23:51

I do think prizegiving has had its day. When I was at school, there was one student who was consistently top in almost everything. Just sheer brilliance. The rule was, best marks in the exams got the prize so she walked away with numerous subject prizes, leaving a handful to be shared between the entire rest of the year group. It was "fair" in the sense that she was the legitimate "winner" but unfair in that there were many subjects in which trying to get a prize was a waste of time. In the end, they actually created a special prize for anyone who would otherwise have won at least 3 or maybe it was 4 subject prizes in their year group and then redistributed the subject prizes that that person would have got to the people who came second. This was blatantly because of her.

Thesearepearls · 12/06/2018 23:51

Seriously don't worry about it - let it pass

DS never won a single prize at junior school. Not one. Our school had us all up there - clapping for DS's friends who did win prizes. And despite thinking that I'd love DS to win a prize, I just tried hard to be pleased for the kids that did win prizes. DS was in the bottom set for English. And I was pleased because the prizewinners were DS's friends and thoroughly nice kids.

DS did develop much better in secondary school and now he has an offer from Cambridge. And when parents congratulate DS, I always remember the time when he never won any prizes and was in the bottom set for English and I'm so grateful for their kindness in congratulating DS.

RedAndGreenPlaid · 12/06/2018 23:59

All the schools I know give attainment and effort or progress prizes to acknowledge that some children are working incredibly hard whatever their position in the year.

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 12/06/2018 23:59

ICouldBeSomebodyYouKnow Same in DS' class. Star of the Week normally goes to those who've struggled and those who are normally in trouble and haven't misbehaved as much. I do understand this but then DS notices he doesn't get these awards when he's done something similar. Its hard to explain to him why.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 13/06/2018 00:03

DC1 and 2 were nice, decent, under the radar kids who never won anything.

DC3 always won the Art prize.

DC4 is the kid who wins everything. Apparently at assembly the other day the Head said, "And the winner of this prize is, you'll not be surprised, Tink Junior." DC4 is just really good at everything.

And yes my diamond shoes are too tight, but I do worry that it's not good for him.

Noqont · 13/06/2018 00:06

Meh. My DC"s school does this. I had no idea that they had a prize giving where only certain children were invited, but fortunately one of the parents of the invited children quickly put on FB that her DC had won a prize for being cleverest in the class. Just to make sure that the univited were aware of this. HmmGrin

MrStarkIDontFeelSoGood · 13/06/2018 00:09

Still pissed off that the teacher who ran our prize giving and would come up with a lot of the bullshitprize titles hated me with a passion and vice versa, fuck all chance of me getting anything.

Noqont · 13/06/2018 00:09

don’t know which is worse: the secret ceremony revealed on Facebook by the invited parents, or the usual type of prize-giving where the non-prize winners and their parents have to sit for hours on hard chairs with a too short break for inadequate refreshments in order to experience the not getting prizes first hand

Lol. Yes. This clearly is a thing then. Grin

Jamiefraserskilt · 13/06/2018 00:11

When I managed to get 90% of the kids picked for prizes (and their subject) right in both my kid's prizegiving before it even kicked off (was with another mum whose kids were never on the list), I realised what a fecking farce it was. Then ds1 got a first prize at High School against all the odds and as the rank outsider and it was everything I could do not to stand up and do a circular birdie to all the smug parents and teachers that had written him off.
Childish? Moi?!

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 13/06/2018 00:12

I think we must have gone to school together, Terra. Possibly 5 was was the magic number in our case. Seem to remember a new teacher being completely bemused by the fact one of her year 8s had come 2nd in every single summer exam and got absolutely no recognition for that at all.

campion · 13/06/2018 00:13

The year I started secondary school they abolished speech day and prizes. I wasn't too bothered as I knew I wouldn't be getting many any. And I think they got it right.

As a parent I've had to sit through tedious prize givings/speech days watching the same golden children get the majority of the prizes. My Ds's are golden to me but weren't among the few v often. Same nonsense as a teacher but when I suggested dropping the whole idea it was greeted with shock like I'd just suggested we should burn down the library.

I'm not sure why we reward people who already have more innate ability than average by giving them prizes denied to the less fortunate. If pushed, I'd just reward effort, kindness,cheerfulness,friendliness,helpfulness etc and forget the top marks.

opinionatedfreak · 13/06/2018 00:13

Hmm.

I would defend prize giving.

I'm not especially sporty or musical- I tried hard but non performance orchestra and the 4th XI and 3rd XIi were never going to get me glory!

Academically I shine though.

My first secondary didn't have academic prizes and the school year was fairly miserable lots of rewards/glory for the sporty types, annual young musician of the year.

School 2 had academic prizes and it was a real novelty to actually win something and be congratulated.

And yes...my Mum loved it.

bridgetreilly · 13/06/2018 00:14

Someone in another thread was asking how private schools turn out such confident pupils. It's not by giving them all prizes, I can assure you.

Pinga · 13/06/2018 00:15

My mother was at a grammar school in the 60s that had prize giving cermonies every year. She won the top prize or 2nd to top prize every year she was there. Ive often wondered about the girls who came second third forth and so on.

CoffeeIsNotEnough · 13/06/2018 00:19

I think invitation only prize givings are far better than whole school ones. Non-prize winners have only the vaguest idea it goes on. In my day we all had to attend for the whole evening. Fine for people like me who won at least one prize nearly every year, but deeply demotivating for most of the others!

I'm delighted my kids' secondary does invitation only. But they do do inclusion well.

Noqont · 13/06/2018 00:20

Prize giving is pretty crap for the kids who might try really hard but don't shine in anything though.

Onlyoldontheoutside · 13/06/2018 00:21

In our primary school certificates are evened out do my DD often got then for being helpful

In secondary school I hear about them but my DD will not collect them(can't cope with being centre of attantion,)

Noqont · 13/06/2018 00:22

yep do it by invitation. So others don't have to sit through it year after year in our own time to watch the same kids pick up the top prizes.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 13/06/2018 00:29

I disapprove of prize giving at school for that reason. It can make children who try really hard and do well, but just short of “best”, feel very disheartened.

Really? Children need to learn. They don't give Olympic medals for trying

emmyrose2000 · 13/06/2018 06:18

I don't know about primary schools, but at all the high schools I know of, only the prize winners and their families are invited along to an evening ceremony. I think it's a great idea, as who wants to sit through two-three hours of prize giving if they're not actually going to receive an award? It's not "secret", as it's always mentioned in the school newsletter/on the website as a date claimer.

At my DC's school, if a child received an 'A' in a subject they received an award, so that could equate to one or 15 kids receiving an award for maths/whatever from a particular class. If they received a certain number of 'As' (5 or 6?) they also received a gold award. There was also a silver award, but I can't remember if that was for three As, or a certain number of As and Bs together.

At their primary school, there was also an award per class for "most improved" (so, for example, that could apply to a child who had moved up from regular Ds to Cs), and another along the lines of "almost there" (but with a far nicer name that I've since forgotten!); so for example, a child who was always trying hard but never quite getting to an A.