Can you request “no toys” for birthday parties

[Absofrigginlootly]

Just musing really with a friend about whether it’s bad form to state “no toys as presents” on a child’s party invite.....?

For context: we both try to practice toy minimalism. Both for child development reasons (research shows how less toys = more attention and creativity) and for the environmental impact of mass produced plastic toys.

If an invite said something like “presents are not expected but if you want to gift something please can we kindly request no toys. Suggestions if they may be helpful: art supplies, plant seeds, sticker books, picture/reading books”

Would you think that was unreasonable? Rude?

I’m on the fence and can’t decide

It's depressing how little some posters here care about the plactic crisis we are in.

Kids love plastic tat yes, but they'd probably love a working planet in 30 years time more.

I don’t think you can control the behaviour of others - but you can act on your principles yourself iyswim. So I always buy something ‘usable’ - eg books, art materials, vouchers etc for other people’s kids - if the choice is mine (with older dc they should choose themselves, but they’ve seen what I choose and know the reasons). I also buy my own kids only one thing each per birthday/Christmas - so even if they get loads and loads of stuff from friends it’s not over the top overall. Teaching your kids they can dictate what other people get them isn’t nice I don’t think.

I agree with someone above who said the biggest impact we have on the environment is choosing to have children at all. The environmental impact of people choosing to give plastic toys on their birthday is pretty much insignificant in comparison.

my ds went to a party once and it said no present they were putting a post box out and you could give a versy small amount of money or nothing and not to say who it was from,they did this as trying to cut back on plastic tat i didnt mind one bit as itsreally sad how much plastic unwanted rubbish there is.
Op maybe suggest this year say you don't need to buy a gift or you can buy a small book or donate to chariety if you wish?

The postbox is awful. Just say no gifts required if you want, don’t hold your hand out for dosh.

I agree with someone above who said the biggest impact we have on the environment is choosing to have children at all.
This is correct of course.

The environmental impact of people choosing to give plastic toys on their birthday is pretty much insignificant in comparison.
Probably in terms of pure carbon footprint you’re right.... but I don’t think that means one shouldn’t try to minimise the impact from that point onwards. Otherwise it’s like saying “well I fly long haul several times a year for work so I might as well not ever bother recycling my rubbish, using reusable shopping bags or making any kind of conscious choice about the type/amount of products I buy because it will never cancel out my carbon footprint from flying”.

I don’t know why I gave the impression I wasn’t taking what people said onboard....?? Obviously I’m not going to immediately change my mind about how many toys I think children actually need or about the issues we are facing with plastic waste, but I absolutely have taken on board points about how to word invitations/not offering gift suggestions

I don't think I'd overthink this. It wouldn't be usual but it wouldn't particularly bother me. I certainly wouldn't label the parents as killjoy arseholes who secretly wanted money .

The suggestions of buying the exact opposite just to 'make a point' is possibly a bit puerile though. People have different views and values on these things and I can generally live with that.

OP - as you have realised, YABU. just say no presents and everyone will be happy. as they get older most people switch to vouchers anyway and the whole plastic tat issue goes away.

FYI though - once your dc hit school age peer pressure will kick in and no amount of wooden blocks/play silks will stop them wanting the latest rubbish that everyone else has. I fully intended to bring dd up wearing only neutral colours but I only succeeded until she was old enough to refuse to wear anything other than pink dresses. (Thankfully a stage she's long since over) - you can only fight these things to a certain point IMO.

I had to google Playsilks...
Seems they’re not simply scraps of material from the sewing basket, no; by paying through the nose for scraps you get ones that capture the magical soul that resides in young children.
Who knew?

Of course you can just use fabric scraps - I just put playsilks for short hand really, most in DDs basket are just large muslins.

The only “official playsilk” that DD actually has is a huge one that is dyed like a rainbow. It was an Xmas present from a relative - it’s beautiful and she uses it loads in her imaginative play.

I'd take no offence at all to a party invite that asked for a book. Could you not word it like "I know its often hard to buy for children and we really don't expect any presents but should you wish to buy a small gift (Ben?) loves reading and gardening so a small pack of seeds or a book would be wonderful".

Hey op I would react better to this invitation if it had a positive spin like this
'X child has been given a million toys lately but we are really low on paint and pends and stuff so it would be great t receive them!'

OP you dig a slightly bigger hole every time you post. Kids don't have to have play silks (official or otherwise) to engage in imaginative play.

Lots of kids manage imaginative play with plastic tat you know....

Kids don't have to have play silks (official or otherwise) to engage in imaginative play.

When did I say they did???

I presume you mean I’m digging a hole in that I’m coming across as pretentious? Do you know what I’m not sure how much I care really... I remember a really good quote from the show Fraiser which was “the only way bullies win is if you let them change who you are”

If posters think me pretentious for saying that my DD enjoys playing with her rainbow playsilk that she got for Xmas then so be it -

I had to google Playsilks...
Seems they’re not simply scraps of material from the sewing basket, no; by paying through the nose for scraps you get ones that capture the magical soul that resides in young children.
Who knew?

I have to agree that large pieces of cloth are great "toys". My DC and their friends played with them endlessly, both indoors and out. However, ours came under the brand "Old Curtains" and "Old Tablecloths"

I would think it a bit pretentious, tbh. I would also feel for the parents without much money, who put cheap toys aside in a ‘party present box’ and who will then have to go and buy something else. I know lots who do this.
One way to sway what presents your child might receive is through invitations. If you send out a barbie/transformers invitation, you are going to get lots of barbies/transformers gifted.

If you don't want her overwhelmed by toys you don't have to give her all her gifts in one go.
It seems more like you want to control the sort of toy people give her.
Let her make her own mind up.

If she only wants to play with natural wooden toys that is what she will choose.

Her development will not be arrested if she has access to plastic toys.

Plastic toys are durable and can be passed down to other children many times/donated to charity shops. They are not killing the planet, single use plastic is the big problem.

I was a play/developmental specialist for many years. High stimulation, noisy, light up plastic toys are excellent for many children. They should not be dismissed at tat.
Many kids will get zero play value from a wooden block or piece of fabric.

Sorry but I think ‘ no gifts’ at a child’s party is awful, and the list of suggestions are incredibly patronising.

Teach your child to gratefully accept any gifts. You can quietly regift any that you don’t want/need. Lots of people will probably ask for suggestions anyway, in which case you can specify books/stickers etc.

I am a bit confused at how art supplies are more eco friendly than plastic toys that might last for years.
Surely art supplies contain a ton of plastics and chemicals. Stickers are pretty much all plastic and will end up in the water or in landfill years before that plastic buggy/car/doll.

If you don't like plastic, mass produced toys because you think they are common just flipping say it.

Why can't people own their prejudices.

I googled play silks......I've neglected ted the dds they would utterly love them. They are £8 I might buy them for someone with a little kids as a gift.

Actually I might order them for direct work in my own job.

I know I've missed the point of the thread

Reminds me a lot of the saying ‘you get what you are given.’
Also reminds me of last Halloween, when my friend was bragging that her 7 year old daughter was asking, ‘are these vegan?’ during trick or treating, at every bloody house she visited.
There’s a time and a place. When some is willingly gifting you (or your child) something, it’s not it.

OP, I've come to the conclusion that there will always be people who turn judging other parents into a past-time. There is no point asking if something would be ok because they delight in saying that it isn't and extrapolating about what sort of person you are. People like this are over-represented on parenting forums because real life doesn't offer enough opportunities to say what they really think. But why would you care, really? You should do exactly what you want, knowing that some people won't like it. It doesn't matter.

I don’t think plastic toys are “common” as I have said several times on this thread - my DD plays with plastic toys (dinosaurs, animals, vehicles, play food etc).... if anything there’s been quite a bit of “reverse snobbery” on this thread making judgements and projections the other way. That I’m pretentious, snobby, think I’m better than others, need to get over myself and all the “quinoa and machego” references, because I said that I try to keep toys to a relative minimum so that DD doesn’t get overwhelmed by them.

I said the environmental concern of plastic was part of it, not the whole reason.

But I do prefer to buy more ethical brands (like Hape and Plan toys for example) because my DH works in global manufacturing and honestly, the things he’s seen (working conditions etc) in places like Asia are horrifying. I don’t really want to spend our money on products that support human exploitation as well as damage the environment.

It’s not a perfect world. I’m sure there are many holes that can picked apart from the choices that I make. But at least I’m trying

littlerocketman thank you. That’s so lovely to read

My son had a fourth birthday party’s this year and to be honest we didn’t receive many ‘toys’ it was mainly colouring books, art supplies and jigsaws anyway, I’d let people decide what to buy your child it’s a gift after all not somthing that should be expected.