Can you request “no toys” for birthday parties

[Absofrigginlootly]

Just musing really with a friend about whether it’s bad form to state “no toys as presents” on a child’s party invite.....?

For context: we both try to practice toy minimalism. Both for child development reasons (research shows how less toys = more attention and creativity) and for the environmental impact of mass produced plastic toys.

If an invite said something like “presents are not expected but if you want to gift something please can we kindly request no toys. Suggestions if they may be helpful: art supplies, plant seeds, sticker books, picture/reading books”

Would you think that was unreasonable? Rude?

I’m on the fence and can’t decide

OP that's rather a difficult one as it could come across as being exacting and a minority of ppl may take offence at being directed on their gift to your DC.

I usually ask the parent, when I get an invite, what the birthday child is into, so that's your natural opportunity to make suggestions for a few of invitees.

I think you can regift toys you don't want but by then DC will have opened the pressie & might want to play with them !
Really though... my DC have had some fab presents & favourite toys or stuff that I would never have picked or thought of myself. Unfortunately, when you have DC they do accumulate a lot of "stuff" and that's just life with kids!

It's not just the suggestions it's everything about it, just be grateful that people are going out their way to buy your child a present

If I saw that invite with suggestions on it I’d think it rude but then again, like another poster mentioned above, if I just saw “no presents” I’d think they were after cash!

Any room on that fence?

Just say no gifts that is far less rude that saying what gift you want

Also children like to choose what presents they get their friends. That's what I do because it encourages them to think about other people etc. You're denying your children's friends the opportunity to buy their friend the gift they think they'd like.

Personally I wouldn’t have a problem with that but I see from reading the replies I’m in the minority.

Our lifestyles, social norms and the way we raise children will have to change massively anyway over the next couple of decades if we’re going to save the planet - you’re just ahead of the curve.

Perhaps you can phrase it differently though.

That would be rude OP.

How old is your child?

Rude to mention gifts let alone state when you deem suitable.

I've seen chidren who are limited at home yet wise, they go crazy at play dates as another poster said. Likewise the ones that are denied treats etc.

You might not like toys but children do and being that parent that bans everything just alienates them from their peers.

I think it’s ok to say no presents, but specifying what you’d like is a bit off.

I agree that a list of gifts sounds grabby, but I appreciate your intentions! You could say no gifts please, but if you feel you need to bring something a packet of seeds to plant would be appreciated. Very cheap, fun to do and fits with your ethics.

It depends on the child’s age. I went to a 3 yr olds party and the invite said ‘presents not expected but if you'd like to get something, a book from the charity shop would be lovely’ and I thought it very sensible.

I really don’t think people think no presents actually means cash.

I do think part of being a kid and going to parties is choosing something thoughtful for someone else and giving it to them.

If you want fewer presents invite fewer guests! Whole class parties are not mandatory!

I think you can put either no presents or say nothing . When my dc were small most people asked what they would like anyway so then is the appropriate time to give suggestions .

I'm a massive advocate for plastic reduction. I recycle everything, we use waxed fabric rather than cling film etc. But don't make your kids live your values until they're a bit older. If they're not doing it themselves, you're making them into covetous kids who are a pain. I presume you don't want that for them

Quite rude. If people are kind enough to buy a present then it's not right to tell them what they can and can't buy.

We agreed as parents of the class that it was OK to ask for a coin in a card at birthday parties. It's great. No hassle about what to buy and all the kids know their friend will be getting something they really want (dd got a basketball hoop last year). Any child that wants to give a present is welcome to, so everyone is happy.

I think you'd have to just write "no gifts". I don't think you can suggest acceptable gifts. It's judgemental. It's a pain in the ass. Some parents will have bought a stash of presents on sale to bring to parties because they are tight on cash. Having those presents deemed "not good enough" won't feel good. I get you on the minimalism but u less you're hoping for minimal friends I wouldn't apply this to party gifts.

DD is 3.5 years.

She doesn’t go “wild” when surrounded by toys at playgroups/library etc. That’s just not her personality.

We don’t “ban” toys, we just try to keep them to a minimum so that she actually plays with them. She is certainly not short of toys, she has a playroom with dolls house, kitchen, baskets of dinosaurs, vehicles, trains, books and open ended toys like natural wooden blocks and playsilks.

I don’t mean “minimalism” in that we follow a militant philosophy I just mean we try to keep it to quality rather than quantity if you get me?

Somerville yeah you’re probably right.... my DM CANNOT stop buying and I was always drowning in stuff as a kid and remember feeling overwhelmed by it because she would always make me feel guilty if I wanted to throw anything away

I mean so it probably swings back and forth between each generation!

I saw a thing today called the ‘£5 party’ which I thought was great but would require the whole class/parents to get on board. The way it works is that everyone agrees to give the birthday child £5 (or however much) in a card and then the child can use that money to buy one or two quality items and can be steered away from toys if that’s the preference. When you are in the grip of whole class parties, this sounds like an incredibly attractive idea. But, as I said, I think it requires all the parents in the class to be on board, so it’s like a mutual agreement rather than being told what to do IYSWIM.

No she doesn't because she's too young. She's not at the plastic crap age. She'll get there though.

I'm sorry you didn't hear what you wanted to. I hope you're home schooling or the next 15 years of your life are going to be quite miserable

Can you ask for £1 in lieu of presents and say she is going on a special trip to the toy shop to pick something.

£1 small enough that no one can accuse you of being grabby and people will like that there is a plan for a toy/treat from her party friends.

I'm sorry you didn't hear what you wanted to. I hope you're home schooling or the next 15 years of your life are going to be quite miserable

Eh???

I always find it baffling/amusing how PP on MN make huge sweeping generalisations about someone’s entire life based on a couple of sentences. It’s all projection. We have never met in quite sure

My son is in Y1 and at all his class parties we all just tape £1 coins inside the cards. A great idea from one of the other parents a couple of years ago. The fact that the children all share parties - at least one between two and sometimes between up to five - also saves both money and hours of all our weekends.

I hope we can get off as lightly when our younger child starts school.

Ffs just say no gifts.

It is seen as rude.

It is, however, seriously necessary given the state the planet is in.

We just make parties very small to reduce the number of gifts as much as possible. DD1 (5) is more anti-plastic than anyone else in our house so that helps.