Can you request “no toys” for birthday parties

[Absofrigginlootly]

Just musing really with a friend about whether it’s bad form to state “no toys as presents” on a child’s party invite.....?

For context: we both try to practice toy minimalism. Both for child development reasons (research shows how less toys = more attention and creativity) and for the environmental impact of mass produced plastic toys.

If an invite said something like “presents are not expected but if you want to gift something please can we kindly request no toys. Suggestions if they may be helpful: art supplies, plant seeds, sticker books, picture/reading books”

Would you think that was unreasonable? Rude?

I’m on the fence and can’t decide

Metoo

Ok, looks like a request for money in poetic form will have to suffice.

I agree with the principle but I think it's difficult to phrase it on an invitation without coming across as either rude or a bit disparaging of other people's choices.

In my experience a number of parents messaged and asked for ideas in which case you can suggest books, seeds of craft things. A lot of parents put money in the card.

Yes, there was plastic stuff and toys that I might not have chosen but we did get some lovely gifts that DC loved that I would never have thought of buying. And I squirrelled away some of the duplicates to regift or recycle.

Wouldn’t bother me at all. I hate shopping for this sort of thing though and would rather someone told me what to buy!

Seeds are great! Probably not in late autumn though

Ellieboolou27

Thank God it's not just me

If you stipulate no toys, you'll end up under a mountain of sweets!

Singlenotsingle

It's probably best that OP also stipulates that all sweets are to be vegan and organic.

They'll still be full of sugar! The party will be a riot!

Can wait till op asks for money please give me an up date inawait the CF thread from a parenting receiving the invite

YABU. People find it rude to have gifts dictated like this, unless asked.

Just request no gifts.

I would never ask for money, I would never be comfortable with that.

Genuinely not trying to be pretentious, although I guess I can see why other people might see it that way.

Like I said right at the start, I was entirely on the fence about how accepting people might be at receiving this.... overall it appears not.

We didn’t didnt have a John Lewis wedding gift list - we had an oxfam gift list (eg buy a goat/donkey/condoms/health check etc) .... maybe we could do that instead?? 4 year olds love “we’ve donated £x in your name” gifts don’t they?!

I’m with you on the plastic, and always got books as presents, figuring every house has room for one more book.
Would it be less “wanky” if you put
Something like
If you’re looking for present ideas ds really likes books and art stuff.

That way most people will get the hint and you’re bound to get less plastic tat.

I must admit as a mum I am constantly texting parents to ask what sort of things they are into to give me ideas for presents. So an invitation with present ideas included is really helpful. Also the things you have mentioned there can be bought cheaply even if they are quality. My kids choose their friends' presents and have an upper limit of £20, which is fine but sometimes they both have parties the same weekend or two weekends running so it soon adds up but the things you have mentioned could be bought for £10 easily. More likely to be used, too! Just had a big clear out and there were quite a few plastic items from birthday parties that weren't played with once :-(

@OrchidInTheSun Seeds can be kept till next season, no problem! :-)

To the original question, I’d think you were a pretentious twat. And I’d wonder How much the theraphy will Cost that your child will need in her 20’s.
In all seriousness I know kids who grew up with weird parents, they all rebelled and vowed never to do this to their kids. A child has a bday once a year, let them receive tat and if you’re so inclined after a month get them to pick which bits to donate to charity shop.

I’d think you were a bit of a dick, tbh; suggesting that giving your child toys might hinder their development...

@EscapistTendencies Haha, I do the regifting thing! If they get a duplicate I buy it from them so they can choose something else and I have emergency presents on hand!

I don't think this is rude at all OP

I automatically buy sticker books or something educational as a birthday gift for friends children. I think its rude and showing off to be fetching anything other than that to a birthday party for someone else's child and the last thing children need is a bedroom full of plastic tat they won't ever remember existed but the environment will suffer from.

@Fruitbat1980 the OP has a point here, I think. If everyone chose presents like that there would be HUGE amounts less of landfill plastic, more flowers growing and more kids' artwork, which is priceless. I'm definitely on OP side here.

suggesting that giving your child toys might hinder their development

Where did I say I would write that on an invitation???

Fruitbat that’s actually just really rude and unkind.

I am not “weird” for caring about the environment and having grown up in an emotionally abusive household I can assure you that my DDs emotions and mental health and well-being are of upmost importance to me.

I have twins who are in full time nursery. House full of stuff and I was really worried that people would worry about getting 2 gifts

So ... when people confirmed they were coming I explained that presents weren't essential for those reasons. A few didn't bring anything, some asked for ideas and I I have them cheap options ( books from Morrison's, sticker books, comics) playdoh, bubble mix

Was grand. No one said they were offended and I don't end up with a house full of stuff that is a waste.

I'd feel you were being miserable so would just buy a very nice noisy toy for your child, although I generally would buy a book as a present in a normal scenario.

That's not really the point mumof2