Can you request “no toys” for birthday parties

[Absofrigginlootly]

Just musing really with a friend about whether it’s bad form to state “no toys as presents” on a child’s party invite.....?

For context: we both try to practice toy minimalism. Both for child development reasons (research shows how less toys = more attention and creativity) and for the environmental impact of mass produced plastic toys.

If an invite said something like “presents are not expected but if you want to gift something please can we kindly request no toys. Suggestions if they may be helpful: art supplies, plant seeds, sticker books, picture/reading books”

Would you think that was unreasonable? Rude?

I’m on the fence and can’t decide

If you refuse gifts for your child, how is your child going to feel when they see the piles which everyone else gets at their party? Let your child enjoy the usual things without resenting your odd ideas. Or go and live on a desert island.

Do you really need to have a birthday party at this stage...why not wait a couple of years and avoid the whole issue a bit longer?

But really if you do go with your plan, I would suggest re-wording it to something which doesn't infer any judgement in any way whatsoever...we can all be a bit sensitive about our parenting choices and take offence where none is intended. I think something to suggest that DD is receiving a lot of gifts from family, so you'd love them to join the party but not bring a gift is better.

As soon as you start suggesting what you would find acceptable it sounds like you are making judgements. It also makes people feel they have to buy something especially when really, most people regift the doubles and unsuitables from their own kids parties.

I'm projecting because my eldest is 10+ years older than your PFB and I've been where you are. This is the point of MN isn't it? To learn from those who've trod your path?

I realised pretty early that I couldn't control it in a lot of ways but we could recycle and reuse. And, looking back, it's a very small window. When they're older, they're only interested in computer games and you look wistfully at the plastic tat and wish they still played with it

It’s rude, a birthday is once a year, having parties and getting gifts is a lovely experience for kids, let them enjoy their presents and parties, if you like you could donate the gifts after. If I got an invite stating no gifts I’d feel sad for the child.

bedknobs - I don’t think wanting to save the planet and wanting to have an uncluttered home can really be classed as ‘odd ideas’.

I’m not organising a party right now or anything.... DDs birthday is late autumn.

It was just a musing between myself and a friend (whose older child is school aged so she was sharing her experiences of birthday present excess) about whether requesting no presents was acceptable or not.

Thankyou for calling my ideas odd

OP it's not a wedding where you have a gift list, it's a child's birthday party

Plant seeds are a fun gift for no one.

Au contraire! DD adores planting tomato plants and then waiting and watching them grow. Watering them and being on “tomato watch” everyday where she runs to the window and declares “there’s a red one we must pick it!” And taking her little basket outside to pick them, wash them and put them in the fridge

Our neighbours were on holiday last week and she was excited because we got to water their tomato and strawberry plants

Very rude. Makes you sound as though you think you are “above” receiving the kind of toys that your party-goers would choose to give.
I’d think you should get over yourself.
As for toy minimalism... oh please.
Just let your child be a child.. they tend to like toys

Loads of people will think this is rude etc

But I’m totally with you OP!

We’ve got a little persons birthday coming up and I’ve been trying to think of a way of indicating no plastic toys for exactly the same reasons as you - however I know some people like to give a gift so it’s nice to indicate something that will be well received by the small(ish) child.

So DO IT!! If people think it is rude - sod them.

What’s better -

you come across as polite but assist with continuing to swamp this planet in plastic tat, cluttering our houses with stuff the kids will play with for 5 mins - when really my slightly feral little one is mostly happy digging a hole in the garden, pretending to plant grass and weeds and possibly eating some mud ... :-/

Or we try to take a stand and maybe toy manufacturers will eventually get the point?!

I find toy shops so depressing - I just see it all as future landfill

And what’s the point of accepting and just giving to charity shops? The whole point is reduce first then re-use then recycle. So reduce first by not buying the things in the first place!

Anyway - mini random odd rant over :-)

Very pesumtious

Next you will be asking for wooden toys

Don’t ask for anything just give the invites

I get you op. No one hates plastic tat that makes annoying noises more than me. But I don't think you can make specific requests for gifts sadly. You could set up an amazon wish list in case anyone asks but people will think it odd at best and rude at worst if you tell them what to buy however you frame your reasoning.

The fact is kids generally love that stuff, if you say your dd wants books and plant seeds it will sound like you talking (however much she might actually love books and plant seeds). I put people off buying things I don't want in our house for us by commenting loudly on how much I dislike them in the presence of people who might have cause to buy a present for dd. The way I see it she will enjoy playing with those things all the more at other people's homes! Incidentally I fully recognise that it is me who has the preference for tasteful wooden playthings! I see it as no different to my preference for certain types of food, or for paint over wallpaper i.e that as the payer of bills it is mine to express.

Op yes, one of your first replies summed it up- it’s asking for specific things that’s over the mark.

Totally nothing to do with thread but waves to orchidinthesun - loving your user name - never met another “orchid”!!

I would think about 1/3-1/2 of the parents will ask what your dc would like, and there's your time to say that you are trying to reduce plastic consumption and a book/money would be preferred. The rest... well it won't all be plastic, a lot of gifts received are craft sets.

I am unusual in MN in that I like a gift list for a wedding, but a list for a child's birthday party especially a worthy one would make me go . Say "no gifts" by all means.

Please do not ask for money and personally I would definitely by plastic

God so bloody rude just wrap the stuff and take it down the hospice if it’s really bugging you I suspect your child will be happy that
A - you will make them that child
B-your encourageing no gifts

People have budgets and by asking for things you are dictating their budget

I would just leave it. My DD has never really got loads of toys when she's had a party anyway. Gifts have been more like books,stationary,games etc or a fiver in a card. I think unless the parents know you're child well,they have no idea what they might already have or what toys they're into so they go with a safe option.

Arghhhh *your

Rude. You are imposing your own values and judgments on others. Yes you're being very worthy and all that and I don't disagree with plastic reduction etc etc but it's not for you to dictate other people's behaviour. Donate to charity if you don't like the gifts.

Perhaps you could put together a gift list from John Lewis and issue it with the birthday party invitations?

Ok I see that your child likes seeds, and I actually can see why. I've managed to verbalise why I think your list comes across badly - it just seems very "superior" to request specific items and not just make do with the plastic everyone else has with their children. It's very "Tarquin cannot play with plastic as it's against our values, he must have seeds and hemp clothes and only wooden items". It just reads as pretentious for a bloody 4 year old. It's a bit like going to a children's party and seeing that the parents have opted for some sort of vegetable tower instead of cake.

For family I have done a "no plastic shit, here's a list" policy but for friends I can't be so blunt!

Went to a lovely party a few years ago where the child asked for £1 to save up for a specific toy, I thought that was a great idea.

dangerrabbit

Perhaps you could put together a gift list from John Lewis and issue it with the birthday party invitations?
oh my god yes because everyone can afford gifts form John Lewis this is not a wedding
Only middle class people would even suggest this

crispy that’s exactly what I thought but was not brave enough to write

I totally agree with the point op is trying to make, usually I buy a grow your own sunflower/ tomatoe plant etc for birthdays or stationery, however it comes across as pretentious to state “no gifts”

I'd be fine with something like this. Firstly I hate buying stuff that the child doesn't like/want and secondly I'm terrible at gift buying, so a list would work for me.

Some people might still choose a toy anyway, so you will have to practice your happy face