AIBU to be really irritated by women who give up good careers to sell tat on the internet?

[itsgoodtobehome]

Right, I know this one might be a bit controversial, but I am generally interested to see if other people are also irritated by this.

So, I have several friends/acquaintances who have had good careers (teachers, lawyers, accountants, music execs, investment bankers) who have had children and given up work. This is not by AIBU, as that's entirely up to them, and lucky them if that's what they choose to do.

They have then gone on to set up their own home-made businesses, mostly selling via the internet. Again, not my AIBU, as being entrepreneurial is great, and good that they are not solely relying on their partners for income.

However, (and here is the AIBU), what they are making and selling, seems to me like utter crap. Here are some examples:

1. One is making homemade lampshades and matching wallpaper for children's bedrooms. Nice idea in theory, but I saw one 'rugby/football' design which basically looked like some kid had stuck all of their panini football stickers on their bedroom wall!

1. Another is making stuffed toys, bags, bunting etc out of children's old clothes and blankets. Again, a nice idea (and the stuffed toys made out of old baby-grows are quite cute!!). However, she has recently been touting these PE/Sports/Beach bags, which quite frankly, look like the sort of drawstring bag I remember making in sewing lessons in primary school!

1. A third has started making this pearl jewelry. Unfortunately, the pearls look as though they came out of a Christmas cracker, and then they are (very badly) glued onto the back of an earring stud, or onto some manky bit of leather strap like the sort of thing A-Ha used to wear on their wrists in the '80s!!

1. Finally, another one is selling very expensive designer children's clothes that she buys at a ridiculous amount, and then charges an even more ridiculous amount on her website.

I'm probably sounding very mean spirited, but it just annoys me that these highly capable women are selling such tat on the internet (and it's not cheap either) to try and replace their previous careers, when they have so much talent, experience in other areas.

AIBU, or do others get this too?

Blimey Hideandgo you make having children sound the most traumatic thing ever. I do have children, so I'm not writing this as a non-mother. Yes, it changes your life, but it's not that difficult. There is maternity leave too - I'm not suggesting they should go back the day after they give birth!

I also didn't say they had to retrain or upskill - they've already trained bloody hard to get where they are.

• wouldn't want to see my relatives throwing money at unprofitable venture in the hope that they might get a better holiday this year (but end up without one because they spebt their money on a failed venture).

£100 could go on materials to make tat which probably won't sell, or it could go towards an evening class where they learn how to make something beautiful which will sell.*

Or you could mind your own business.

But OP's talking as though these women are stupid and are losing money. How would she know?
What about if they had disabilities after giving birth, had had serious PND, or their babies had special needs.
Must be a boring life if you get het up about this. It's possible to hide people on facebook you know.

Issue? Isssssuuue?

Sorry really struggling to find one here.

Woman makes things. Attempts to sell.

But end of surely?

Let me rephrase.

Person makes things. Attempts to sell.

End of.

I have up a good career after my second child turned out to be very hard work in his early years and has since been diagnosed as autistic.

I've now been out of my original field so long I don't feel I'd get a job in that field. My job seeking confidence is shattered and I wouldn't have the energy to cope with my old job and my children.

Trust me it is far more difficult that I have to accept this new status than it is for you to just scroll past some tat someone's selling.

I honestly think the people disagreeing with you OP don't understand the point you're making, otherwise how could anyone disagree with this.

This is absolutely not about criticising people making a living by selling craft items, setting up a small successful business or monetising a hobby as a sideline around childcare. For all those people doing this successfully - well done for making a brave leap and more power to you.

This is about intelligent capable women leaving kick-ass professional jobs only to start up small ventures that are clearly doomed from the get-go. Why do they do it? (I think it's a confidence thing.) What a waste of a brilliant brain. I wish these women could be encouraged to start a business servicing a real demand in the market. Then they can really can charge consumers what they like and create the lifestyle they want in terms of flexibility of working etc. And at the same time society gets the full benefit of their skills through employment for others, tax, progress etc!

And for the people that keep shooting down the OP's supporters by saying it's none of our business - what a weak argument! 99% of everything on Mumsnet is nobody's business really but who cares, debating different opinions is surely the point and and the fun of it all!

Or you could mind your own business
Note to self. Some people know everything and get very defensive if anyone has a view on anything they do. A friend or family member having a concern or wanting to help someone succeed is obviously a horrendous thing to do. The correct thing to do is shower others with praise and sit back watching them struggle.

Thankfully I've got friends and family who look out for each other, support each other but are also willing to guide and risk being unpopular rather than see someone fall.

I'd hate to have a circle of people around me who would watch me throw money at something or struggle to sell poor quality goods and would lie to my face and shower me with fake praise. Much nicer to have friends and family who'd help me find a solution, encourage me to get better at something, come to a class/course with me for support. When I was looking at coming out of work to retrain and it would have meant a reasonable a salary hit to gain experience for a year, my family didn't say 'oh wonderful', they checked I was doing ok, had I considered X Y Z, could you do A B C to maximise earning whilst getting experience. It's called caring for people. It must be bloody miserable to have someone in your circle who knows everything all the time and gets defensive if anyone has a view on anything.

This is absolutely not about criticising people making a living by selling craft items, setting up a small successful business or monetising a hobby as a sideline around childcare. For all those people doing this successfully - well done for making a brave leap and more power to you.
I know this. You know this. The OP knows this.
But some will insist that any old tat is the same as someone who's really good at their hobby and deliberately refuse to see the difference between someone running a successful small business and someone selling tat. Obviously, there's no difference at all and we should totally praise any friend or family member who wants to messily write names on primark jumpers in rhinestones because they are a boss babe who is rocking their business.

This is about intelligent capable women leaving kick-ass professional jobs only to start up small ventures that are clearly doomed from the get-go.

They don't though.

Most of these women leave children to look after kids, then as their choices are limited- for whatever reason- explore other ways of making money, often from home.

Few high flying career women are ditching their jobs to make tat.

This is the whole point. So really no need to be irritated..

This is absolutely not about criticising people making a living by selling craft items, setting up a small successful business or monetising a hobby as a sideline around childcare.
It absolutely is, or you wouldn't have told us about Maureen's babygrow teddies or Sheila's pearl earrings.
You were taking the nasty piss.
She posts on FB to sell them not to get all her friends to say 'oh hun yer there brill hun'

But there's lots you can do other than resign yourself to selling tat on facebook.

People I know:

• freelance photographer
• at home web designer/marketing stuff
• tutor
• started doing children's music lessons
• qualified as a zumba instructor
• music groups for children with SEND
• cardmaking and awesome wedding favours they were selling at wedding fairs (bridesmaid proposal cards seem to be going down a treat at the moment!)
• pottery and ceramics

Other people I know/friends of friends (or friends share their friend's tat):

• wine glasses dipped in glitter
• primark hoodies with poorly glued names in crystal
• 'custom' memorial art which looks like a kid did it
• 50p pick n mix in some novelty receptacle with poorly tied ribbon
• anything art related to poorly linked to mother's day/father's day/easter like custom canvasses
• covering bookcase in wallpaper that clashes with the chipped wood and saying it's upcycled
• scrabble tiles haphazardly glued on things (should add we have a lovely scrabble tile piece from a friend which isn't tat so why some people can't use a bloody glue gun properly is beyond me)

Top group, great. I support their businesses, buy from them, mention their names to friends, will share a link if people are after their services.
Bottom group, tat sellers.

@speakout
*
Few high flying career women are ditching their jobs to make tat.

I think this was the whole point of the thread.. OP was specifically commenting on the people leaving professional jobs.

(and here is the AIBU), what they are making and selling, seems to me like utter crap.

OP if they are making and selling it why does it matter that you think it is "utter crap".
There are several pound shops near me and they always have queues at the tills.
What I think of the stuff they are selling is of no importance.
The company is making money and people are happy to pay.

Seems legal to me.

What professional women are leaving these high flying jobs to sell tat?

And why?

The OP answers those questions herself

who have had children and given up work. and probably mostly women.

Not some wanton brain storm then and a crazy craving to ditch their career to make and sell tat online.

Instead a sensible reaction to a changed circumstance.

Some people have a very blinkered view of the lives of others.

@MaisyPops We're on the same page here. To your top list I'd add my examples of friends who have started businesses in:

• Recruitment consulting
• Financial consulting
• Personal training

The first two in particular have been wonderfully successful and after c 7-8 years each they have grown fairy large teams of people working for them and they have stepped back into flexible management / owner roles.

By contrast I have a surprising number of really intelligent friends who have got caught up in the whole MLM thing, which I'd bunch in with "selling tat" as a waste of their talents and unlikely to give them the financial reward or lifestyle they desire.

lulu
It's the same vein as MLM often.
I know at least a dozen teachers on good salaries who are involved in an MLM (when you consider we teach about finance and business basics in PSHE it's a joke). I know of half a dozen who've dropped their hours to have more family time (cool, great choice for them, zero judgement), but they've got involved in MLMs and are always doing facebook lives, shares, up your bisniz huns posts, talking of financial freedom and their ability to work from home. They share endlessly about how they are putting all these hours into their new business and spend loads of time with the kids (except 3 videos a day, including at 6am telling the child that mummy will sort breakfast after doing her business, then turning to the camera to say 'eeh children eh. But this is what us mamas do'). A couple have made it to sparkly unicorn status with lots of teamies and seem to be making money by convincing other women who are at home and more financially vulnerable to part with cash for tatty overpriced cosmetics.

It's really quite sad and gets me cross that some elements of society decide that women are ideal targets for schemes like this & are a target for low expectations. Same for women selling tat. It's accepted in places we should pat them on the head, say sure darling what a lovely idea for glittery wine glasses when actually they could learn to get good at something and have a really successful small business.

This is one of the most ridiculous threads I've read in a long time. People, men or women (but women have more freedom to do it) can change careers any time they like. If making tat makes them happy and doesn't harm or exploit anyone (like mlm does) then it is no ones business but their own.
It saddens me to see women attacking women and yes OP you do sound jealous, bitter and bitchy but it also makes me incredibly, utterly sad to hear a human beings entire worth being attached to what they do to pay the bills. This modern day capitalist obsession with working, working for workings sake and assigning status due to your profession is soul destroying and belittles people's true intrinsic value and worth.

OP some people have priorities, some prefer their DC's to a salary. That is happiness for those ppl. Being loving parents but of course there's hours in the day when time can be spent being more artistic even if it doesn't bring much money if any home. These people are networking with like minded people and sharing time with each other.
What is your problem with that?

Actually, it's completely the opposite. It makes me sad that women are doing things 'under' their station. I'm talking about professional women who have worked and trained hard to achieve something in their profession.

Have a look at London city law firms and see how many women they employ aged over 35. A professional career is not all it is cracked up to be. Long hours, boring and stressful.

There is another way to look at this: isn't a shame in 2018 that women often feel pushed out of the job market, particular when they have invested alot of time in training and development, due to discrimination by companies who won't employ or promote women, by societal expectations that women will be the main carers and carry out the lionshare of housework meaning maintaining a career is near impossible and by the pressure placed on women to 'have it all' which in reality often just means 'doing it all'.

We do not have equality. Men are generally not conditioned or expected to do 50% of childcare, housework, life admin or expected to sacrifice their career because of children. I'd save your irritation for that OP.

And my earlier post was meant to say my business is in the six figures, not the three figures

WakeUpMaggie

Yes I agree.
And given that the framework sucks then individual families have to to what works for them best.
So jobs and industries lend themselves better to parenthood than others- expectations of hours, the culture and the nature of the job.

OH and I had jobs which were very incompatible with parenthood- something had to give.

So rather than use myself, my family as a battering ram to change things we worked around that as best we could.
We don't all want to be crusaders.

We don't all want to keep the wheels of industry turning.

I seek a balanced happy life.