AIBU to be really irritated by women who give up good careers to sell tat on the internet?

[itsgoodtobehome]

Right, I know this one might be a bit controversial, but I am generally interested to see if other people are also irritated by this.

So, I have several friends/acquaintances who have had good careers (teachers, lawyers, accountants, music execs, investment bankers) who have had children and given up work. This is not by AIBU, as that's entirely up to them, and lucky them if that's what they choose to do.

They have then gone on to set up their own home-made businesses, mostly selling via the internet. Again, not my AIBU, as being entrepreneurial is great, and good that they are not solely relying on their partners for income.

However, (and here is the AIBU), what they are making and selling, seems to me like utter crap. Here are some examples:

1. One is making homemade lampshades and matching wallpaper for children's bedrooms. Nice idea in theory, but I saw one 'rugby/football' design which basically looked like some kid had stuck all of their panini football stickers on their bedroom wall!

1. Another is making stuffed toys, bags, bunting etc out of children's old clothes and blankets. Again, a nice idea (and the stuffed toys made out of old baby-grows are quite cute!!). However, she has recently been touting these PE/Sports/Beach bags, which quite frankly, look like the sort of drawstring bag I remember making in sewing lessons in primary school!

1. A third has started making this pearl jewelry. Unfortunately, the pearls look as though they came out of a Christmas cracker, and then they are (very badly) glued onto the back of an earring stud, or onto some manky bit of leather strap like the sort of thing A-Ha used to wear on their wrists in the '80s!!

1. Finally, another one is selling very expensive designer children's clothes that she buys at a ridiculous amount, and then charges an even more ridiculous amount on her website.

I'm probably sounding very mean spirited, but it just annoys me that these highly capable women are selling such tat on the internet (and it's not cheap either) to try and replace their previous careers, when they have so much talent, experience in other areas.

AIBU, or do others get this too?

Op you sound very sneery. There is more to life, than a successful career, maybe it was making them unhappy and causing them a lot of stress. YOu have no idea what is going on in their lives. It is their life to live, not yours!

YANBU It’s their life and all, but I am also irritated by women who train in good careers and throw it away to sell crap online. Especially if they were in competitive programs and took spots from others; it’s a waste on a societal level at that point.

If they really only want to get an MRS perhaps they should consider something in the humanities or whatever. If not, I would have thought at least keeping somewhat in the game (taking on freelance work/keeping up industry contacts/learning relevant skills) whilst the children are young would be a much better use of their time.

Of course, if they truly were burnt out, that’s another thing entirely.

but I am also irritated by women who train in good careers and throw it away to sell crap online.

I don't see it's any of your business.

Probably their old jobs didn’t work with their new family needs. And if their businesses are crap they will fail BUT these women will also learn so much in the process and may go on to either improve the quality of their products, improve their skills or find a better niche they can execute better. Do you think all businesses were perfect when they were first set up?

It’s a learning process.

They didn't give up their career to do the craft thing though, they gave it up/paused it to be a SAHP. Which you said in your OP you think is fine. So what's the problem?

I'm on mat leave at the moment, and because I've had time I've joined the gym. But I didn't "give up my career" to go to the gym, did I? The two aren't related.

If these people are pressuring you to buy tat then different story and YWNBU.

I think the people who are agreeing with OP (myself included) are saying women should absolutely be supported and encouraged to branch out into self-employment, but why on earth are they selling themselves short producing "tat
This through and through. They could set up really successful side projects or businesses. They could gain a new skill and be amazing at it and work convenient hours for them and thwir family whilst being paid and doing something they enjoy. Yet because they are women some suggets we should lavish praise on people who produce poor quality products and to criticise shocking products is to be slapping women down. Why should women get a free pass to create awful tat and call it a business because they are women?

Why should women get a free pass to create awful tat and call it a business because they are women?

No not because they are women- because it's none of your business.

You sounds bitter and jealous, OP. They are able to do something creative that fits round their family life. Who wants to work all the hours in a job you don't like if you don't have to? If you don't like it, don't buy their stuff.

I have the perfect craft job.

I work 15-20 hours a week. Fits round my family( older teens).

I sell my stuff online.
I go to the gym when I like, walk in the woods, take photographs, meet friends for coffee.
My life is calm and relaxed.

Couldn't be better really.

speak
On none of anyone's business, if they are setting up 'businesses' then people will form opinions on the quality of the products and goods. That's part of having a business.

That means if what is being sold is good, people will notice and comment. They will offer glowing reviews and will recommend the business to friends and family (just like we did with many of our wedding suppliers. And actually, we heard of one of our small suppliers from a colleague who knew the sister of one of the owners. Word of mouth goes a long way. We'd never have found them online and now I'd use them for any large event we do.)

It also means if it's poor quality, people will notice and comment.

Don't want people to form an opinion on your goods, don't start a business selling stuff.
The world isn't some protective bubble where people should be full of praise for medicrlocre tat to protect people from the reality of business.

Most businesses make sure that they have a secure business model and a decent product (albeit one that might need review and changes) before launching and expecting people to part with cash. Why set the bar for a business lower because it's a woman with a hobby?

I have no business model- not a business plan.

Many small businesses don't need one- unless you need to raise capital.

Sigh. But I'm not talking about what you might have done.
You seem to not realise that most people who superglue some glitter to household implements will not have a viable business. These people will continue to sink money and time into something which loses them money.

most businesses will make sure what they are offering or selling is of reasonable quality before launching.

You have done well. I'm guessing you're not selling utter garbage.

I don't actually understand how you still seem to be of the view 'I am a small seller and have done well therefore we should all be full of praise for people selling shit'.

Nobody is disputing that there are many really excellent small businesses. Hell, I've acknowledged great small businesses more times than i can recall. The fact is that me buying a primark hoody, messily supergluing some rhinestones/crystals on to spell someone's name on the back isn't a good quality product. It's tat.

I'm getting the impression we could find a knock off kilner jar with a mangled ribbon round it and a 30p stale pick n mix inside beind sold for £5 as a stocking filler and you'd still be saying everyone should be supporting the seller saying 'you go hun, rocking your business. Ignore the negferrets who want to keep you down'.

Ignore the negferrets who want to keep you down'.

Yes because what you think doesn't matter.

It's the bottom line that counts.
And even if someone wants to run an unprofitable activity that;s their business.

This thread is all about giving women a slapping down if they are getting ideas above their station

Actually, it's completely the opposite. It makes me sad that women are doing things 'under' their station. I'm talking about professional women who have worked and trained hard to achieve something in their profession. Then they have a couple of kids and throw it all away to spend the day sewing and gluing. After all the campaigns there are for equal pay, equal positions etc, it seems slightly embarrassing to then say, 'oh thanks for that, but now I'm going to stay home with my glue stick'.

Oh, and can people please stop saying that I sound bitter and jealous. There is not one single bone in my body that wants me to give up my enjoyable and rewarding job to stay at home and make things. The jealous card is so easy to throw out on MN, but it's just meaningless and pointless. Either make a valid point to this debate, or don't bother to comment.

Mind your own business for goodness sake.

I think you sound nasty.
Fair play you think they're daft. But you've deliberately gone into lots of detail to prove how shit their stuff is.
I wouldn't want you as a friend if you were that picky and judgemental. You've no idea why they've left their careers.

itsgoodtobehome

Caring for children is not "under my station" it's sad that you think so.

I make and sell craft part time.

I make far more money that I would have done if I had stuck in my career.

That may not be for you but my life balance suits me just fine, I have plenty of time to myself, to exercise, to relax, to do other things.

Honestly OP, you are being unkind. These are women who are at a more vulnerable stage than they ever will be having just had their lives, career and future turned upside down. Many will not be well enough or have enough energy to start OU to retrain or upskill. But they are trying something out. Something that is low investment (because many are on the bones of their arse having just had a baby) and can be done in the moments they can drum up some time or energy. Some are desperate for something other than motherhood and others are desperate for a few quid.

They are trying something that is completely new to most of them but they are trying.

And even if someone wants to run an unprofitable activity that;s their business
But we should all continue to lavish praise and tell them how awesome it is and how great their products are so they can keep losing money but it's all ok because at we can keep them happy and delluded.

Something slightly MLM about that approach. spend loads on starter materials... who cares if you know nothing about it abd have no skill, don't you want some spendies and to be a boss babe who can work when it suits you? Great. Now ypu've spent money on something ypu are no good at, expect ypur friends and family to praise ypu continually abd support your new life as a momtrepreneur. Sure some people will point out flaws in the plan, but ignore them. They're just jealous of how awesome you are rocking your business girl. Keep posting on facebool about your products because they'll sell themselves. Ignore anyone who says anything negative. They're negferrets who will try and put you down because they're still a wage slave. You can go to the gym and see friends but they're stuck at work. You get to make money on social media and by doing what you love hun. Ignore those wage slaves. They don't have the same options you do. You're a small business owner who is in charge of your own future. People are jealous and love to have a go and women who are getting a bit of extra cash. They're jealous they don't have the same skills as you hun. Things aren't selling? Spend more money on it. Get your stock up so yoy can take more photos. Look at me. I earn thousands so it's possible for everyone if you want it enough. If you dream it, you can do it. Did I mention that if anyone expresses concerns or questions about your product or business then they're just jealous ans bitter and want to tear you down. Don't listen to friends and family. They're a threat to your success. They claim to mean well but really they're just intimidated by your super strong boss babe aura you're kicking off. So what if you've spent hundreds and barely sold a thing... you're a business woman and you had £10 transferred to you in paypal in yhe last 6 months. When else do you get paid directly and so quickly. Bet everyone else wishes they could get paid whilst at the gym

Then they have a couple of kids and throw it all away to spend the day sewing and gluing.
You sound utterly stuck up and snobbish.
HTH

Their selling tat is likely a desperate way of being able to afford to stay at home with their children and feel like they are still contributing. Be a little kinder.

I think everyone is looking for that holy grail of jobs, aren’t they? Working from home, doing something you love, fits around kids/school run/clubs - I can definitely see the appeal of giving it a go.

I think the problem is the things they're selling are not for your target market. Considering they're millions of different products and services for sale online only about 1% of it relates to my interests...

If they're carrying on with the business it obviously means some people out there love their products and are buying them.

For some mums, we actually choose our children above all else and we're ok with it. I know that I'm a confident, driven person and when I want to go back to work I'll be successful, don't doubt it, but I'll be working for at least another 35 years at this rate- these early years with my children are short.

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You sum it up. For many of these women they are at a more vulnerable stage, all the more reason to totally boost their confidence for learning new things abd upskilling or starting a flexible business. But with that comes a responsibility on people who are close to them to not to kid them if what they are trying to sell isn't working. I wouldn't want to see my relatives throwing money at unprofitable venture in the hope that they might get a better holiday this year (but end up without one because they spebt their money on a failed venture).

£100 could go on materials to make tat which probably won't sell, or it could go towards an evening class where they learn how to make something beautiful which will sell.
The second option empowers them, gets someone a skill they can do to a good standard and also makes them more likely to be able to sell their products.

For some on this thread though what should happen is everyone should step back and encourage someone they care about to throw money at a loss making venture because otherwise you hate women.