To expect my twins to be kept together

[Blazingspeed]

Due to start reception in September. School has put them in separate classes without consulting me.
What do I do now? They won’t do well without each other, especially just starting out

Oh my, I haven’t read the full thread and dashing out so apologies if I repeat or this has moved on.
Please speak to school, TAMBA research states that twins should remain together for the first years. As for the utter nonsense I’ve just read about them being separated for the ‘poor teachers’ or apparentky for their own good as individuals don’t listen to it. By the fact of being a twin, nine months together during pregnancy and the nature of having a twin as your sibling and all that entails they simply are different. And while some twins may thrive apart only you can judge that. We no longer live in Victorian times, don’t let anyone tell you separating your twins is for their benefit if you don’t agree.

OP if you want your twins to be together you have nothing to lose by asking the school to reconsider.

I have identical triplets and they were separated throughout their school years. They have separate friendships groups, which has helped shape their personalities, which while similar are different. All three are very close and two are off to the same university in September (exam results permitting) to study the exact same course.

I have 20 yr old twin DDs. I wish they had been separated at reception but school was one form entry. Instead it happened at high school and they were devastated and really struggled. I would have felt the same as you when they were 4 but now wish I'd done more to encourage separate friends and activities.

If you fight the school on this the submissive twin will be the looser

Eventually their be known as the twins
Or the insert seconded name kids and it’s not healthy they need to have physical and emotional space to develop into their own people and schools know this often can’t happen at home

Twins share parents are dressed the same have the same birthday share a room even get given shared gifts let them have their own education

I’ve never known twins to be in the same class at primary. Often one twin is more re outgoIng than the other and it’s really beneficial to be separated. Do you really feel your twins can’t cope for 6 hours per day (not even that long actually) without each other? If so then honestly this will do them such a lot of good.

If the school won’t put them in the same class, have you thought about alternative forms of educating them?

My twins start school in Aug and they are in the same class - at my request. Not because they need each other and won’t function but because they are used to being together so why should starting school be any different.

At nursery they are in the same room but have formed their own friends and they know they can play with whatever they like and don’t have to be with the other.

There are another set starting With them who are separated because the Mum feels they fight too much when they are together.

If you are overly concerned I would speak to the school and find out why they have been split. Perhaps it’s been

Speak to the school with your concerns. It can be counter productive to 'split' twins. In one of the schools I taught at twins would be put in the same class and often they would separate naturally and form their own friendships.

I think it's best to separate twins at school, they need to be independant of each other and develop their own personalities and friendship groups.
I didn't know you could tell school which class your dc went into, when did this change?
You just went where put when mine started, no consulting parents.

This happened to me. When viewing the school I was told I would be consulted however they placed them in separate classes. I spoke to the head and explained my reasons for wanting them together and they agreed and put them together. In year 1 I was happy to try having them in different classes and it has worked out well. I stand by my decision that they needed to be together in reception.

OP, just call the school now, say you have some concerns and see what they say. I very much doubt they will say they have to be split, school only want to see children achieve so they do not want to set them up to fail. Just give the school a call right now. It will at least put your mind at rest. For my twins it really was the best thing but speak to the school. Speaking to us won't get you anywhere and schools tend to expect parents to come to them with concerns rather than them contacting everyone.

I’m disappointed to see all the assumptions that a mother who wishes her twins to be together must be overbearing and irrational. As others have pointed out TAMBA has done a lot of research into the matter and it has been determined that parents do know best, and scare-mongering regarding dysfunctional twins never learning to be without one another is silly.

My boys aren’t in school yet so I haven’t had to make a decision regarding whether they will be together or separated. I don’t refer to them as ‘the twins’ or dress them identically, but the reality is that they have never known life without one another. That doesn’t mean that they are never separated or that they can’t cope without one another, but their relationship is different because they have been through every life experience together and have always had the other by their side. They are very much individuals to me and everyone else, but I think it’s sensible to be sensitive to their particular circumstances when deciding whether, at just four, starting a new chapter of life, they would be best suited to doing that together or independently.

OP - I would ask for this to be moved to the ‘Twins and Multiples’ sub-forum where you can get advice from parents with relevant experiences. You can do this be clicking the ‘report post’ button and asking MNHQ to move the thread.

I don’t have twins so I’m not going to tell you what I think is best. However I do have a close friend with twins so I’m aware that it’s not the same as parenting singleton siblings.

Sorry you’ve had such a kicking on here.

Apologies I don’t have time to RTFT but I used some info from
the TAMBA website (may have been a standard letter?) when I wanted my twins together and I was successful. In hindsight I think they’d have been fine in different classes although I was desperate to have them together at the time

Thankyou to the last few kind ladies who posted

It’s the fact you feel they would cope without each other is the very ready why they need to be split

What about negotiating phased separation with the school? I agree being separated from their very first day is a bit much, so perhaps separate them gradually over the first few weeks of school?

Talk to the school! Don't flounce and demand but speak to them. Explain your point of view and listen to the school's. You said yourself you have no experience of starting children at school but the school will have lots of experience. You may find that you are reassured once you have spoken to them or you may still find you want to keep them together. School might say "oh we separate unless asked not to and as we hadn't a request we separated but we'll re-jig the list and keep them together". You won't know unless you have that conversation. Give the school a call and ask to speak to some about it.

There was a pair of girl twins in my primary class in the 70s and really it would have been better both for them and everyone else if they'd been split. They split the girls into two gangs - either you were in A's gang or B's gang. Neither wanted me. It was such a relief when they left at the end of Standard Three, whatever that is in new money.

HairyToe - things change. They grow and change. What is right at one moment may not be right at another. You did what you thought was right at the time. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but it is not always right and you no doubt had reasons at the time.

Why should twins be kept together? They are two seperate individuals and should be treated as such.

Have you spoken to the school yet?

it's normal practice tbh, unless the parent makes a special plea.

I remember there were two sets of twins in our reception, mine (b/g) who got split up, and two v quiet little girls who stayed together because their mother had requested it.
It doesn't make you overbearing, after all you know them best x
Hope it goes well.

It is possible for twins to be individuals and in the same class. OP you know them best, follow your instinct on this.

It’s regarded as good for both to be split - otherwise they will be referred to as the twins and neither will be free Individuals.