To expect my twins to be kept together

[Blazingspeed]

Due to start reception in September. School has put them in separate classes without consulting me.
What do I do now? They won’t do well without each other, especially just starting out

Regarded as good by who? Go and take a look at the TAMBA site. Its not as clear cut as that.

My DDs are not twins but close in age. They won't go into separate bedrooms and are very dependent on each other.

The eldest moved to secondary this year and it broke both their hearts not to be together at all in the School days.

It's been the best thing for them and they've both grown phenomenally over the past year.

Speak to the school but do consider it.

Op, as kthe school how classes are mixed up at the end of each school year. At DS's school, the two classes per year are mixed up so the cohort in each class changes, at the end of each year. In this scenario, you wouldn't be wrenching one of your twins from their friends at the end of the year as the whole class would be swapping round.

I'm also a tiwn and interested to know when schools started splitting twins up as they never did it when I was in primary, only for sets in secondary school.

Write to the school and tell them that your twins will be in the same class for Reception, a decision which will be reviewed on an annual basis and that you do not accept them being in different classes at this stage.

I don't understand why so many people with no experience of parenting twins are so sure that splitting a pair of very young twins up will 100% be the right decision when they don't even know the children in question. Or why one or two are so very very angry about it!

Honestly, a parent will know their children's temperaments more than a school that hasn't met them! You do get overbearing parents, but I don't think OP is - I think this is genuine concern. OP please speak to the school - as at least one PP siad, tamba emphasises that each set of twins are different and should be treated on their own merits, not a blanket policy.

starutopia mine are non-ID girl twins. So non-id that people no longer think they are twins and just assume very small age gap siblings. But at school, although they have different friends, different likes and dislikes, different strengths etc, they work best knowing that the other is "there" somewhere nearby. They can fight like cat and dog, but still seem to need that physical closeness. This may change - i think you just need to respond to the current situation.
Oh, and I am very close in age to my sibling (only a year, so raised almost like twins, never remember a time without her) but we did not have that same "need" to be nearby. The bond is different. I guess womb time counts for something?!

In my DS's primary twins are in the same class. I don't know the parents requested it or it just happened.

One of the mums asked for her twins to be split as they went through primary as one was significantly achieving academically better. This was knocking the confidence of the other twin.

Your opinion does count op.. Talk to the school but listen to them too.

You definitely need to find out how separating them later would actually work. Do the school mix the classes as they progress through the years? If not, you face having to choose one child to be removed from their class and put into a new one.

I’m a twin- as a child I was the “quiet” anxious one, but I think my DSis would agree that the roles have reversed a bit as we’ve got older. We were put together in P1 then split in P2- she went off into the “other class”, presumably because she was deemed the more robust one. There was no fall out or upset- I immediately made friends with the new girl and she’s still my best mate today (first time I’ve thought there might have been any connection there actually!).

When we went to secondary we were put together in Form 1, then split again in Form 2. I don’t think there was any discussion with our DParents about that, although DMum said she went along with the school’s advice at primary.

I remained a very shy and quiet child through school, but I’m glad we were separated. I think I would have perhaps become more reliant on DTwin had we stayed together and it had the potential to end up like some of the sad scenarios outlined above. We had the best of both worlds really- separate classes but met up with our respective mates at break and lunchtime and hung out in a big group. From what OP has her boys seem to be doing well on their own, so as long as they can meet at playtime etc. it’s difficult to see where the potential pitfalls of splitting them would lie. Personally I think the bigger risk of upset lies with keeping them together and trying to separate them when it becomes too entrenched.

DTwin and I remain very close much to our DHs chagrin but I’m not sure how much that is to do with a special “twin bond” rather than just being very close in age with similar interests. Our DDad and DUncle are only 14 months apart and I’d say they’re as close as we are.

Haven't read the full thread, but to all those saying it's best practice to split them. It's not. It depends on the individual needs of the children. Having said that, this is probably something you should have asked about when selecting your school as, unfortunately, some schools do have blanket policies. I'm sure someone else has linked to this TAMBA document but it outlines what you need to do. www.tamba.org.uk/Parenting/Primary/Separation In retrospect I think I would have chosen to keep my twins together for reception. They have subsequently been in the same class (for year 5 and 6) which has been fine and they are setted across classes for some subjects so would have been in the same sets anyway (same sort of ability level).

Good by whom? It’s common sense.

Have you seen the classrooms? In my school they are connected and the kids are only separated for formal learning a few times a day in reception.

Actually one of my happiest childhood memories is lying in our room (so less than about 7yo) with the lights off chatting away to each other about the craic that day in our respective classes before going to sleep!

Also all the people trotting out cliches about dominant and submissive twins, and twins not developing individuality if they stay together are making me laugh a bit. Twin relationships are so much more nuanced than that.

It depends on the children, adopting a blanket plociy as you suggest may not be in the best interests of some twins. As I said take a look at the TAMBA guidance and educate yourself. I have twins and have researched and you are wrong.

Rose, it's also 'common sense' that heavy objects fall to the ground faser than light objects. However, scientific evidence doesn't bear this out.

If you told them your preference but they split them then yanbu to be annoyed.

If you've never contacted the school to discuss this and are pissed off then yabu. It was up to you to do this before class lists were created. Some LEA have a default of splitting twins so if you didn't contact them then they aren't unreasonable to do the default action.

Yanbu, talk to the school. There seem to be a lot of 'twin' experts on here who have no experience of parenting twins

YANBU if they are Siamese twins.
YABU if they’re not. It’s common practice, they are individuals

Firstly ignore anyone responding to this thread who does not have twins :-)

Schools should not have blanket policy on this but should work with parents to do what’s right for the children (not what makes life easier for the teachers or anything else....)

Contact TAMBA for advice and assistance. There’s a great document you can download from them which helps you think through what’s best for your twins and also contains great information about how to discuss this with the school. And there are specialist advisors you can speak to if you need to.

I deliberately picked a small one form entry for my twins entering Reception as that felt the best thing at the time (one has possible ASD and was very anxious about starting school) so they could be together in a small setting.
By the end of Yr 1 it was clear for a number of reasons that they needed to be in separate classes so I moved them to a nearby 2 form entry and split them up. As we near the end of Yr 2 that was def the best decision and they have both flourished. However it was the right decision to start them together.
So ideally you want a school that is willing to work with you as parents to make the right decision for your twins and to be open to reviewing that year on year.

Hopefully you’ll get it sorted by talking to the school (they may simply not have realised you’d like them to start together?) but if not, do speak with TAMBA as they are very helpful

Good luck!

And how is separating them as a matter of course treating them as individuals?? That does not take into account the individual needs of those children.

@ReadytoTalk

I was thinking exactly the same thing.

Some if the twin generalisations in this thread are shocking. Nobody on here would say stuff like all females wear dresses so why is it ok to portray twins like The Shining stereotype if same clothes etc?

Every other kid in both classes will be a very small child who'll be starting school on their own.

I don't really get the outrage over splitting twins so they'll be in exactly the same situation (for good and bad) as everyone else.

If you are unhappy then speak to the school. If I had twins I'd want them in the same class, purely from a logistics point of view it would be much more simple. You'll have to go to twice as many parties if they are in different classes!
If it was a smaller school with just one class per year they'd have to be in the same class so I don't see why they need splitting up.

I have identical twins and they had to be in the same class as only one class of each in their school. They are normal, confident kids now, aged ten, who hang around in a big group of kids and get on well with and without each other. Twins get on fine if there just treated normally and parents shouldn't over analyse every little thing.