To expect my twins to be kept together

[Blazingspeed]

Due to start reception in September. School has put them in separate classes without consulting me.
What do I do now? They won’t do well without each other, especially just starting out

Even their key worker said they work great together.

Of course they work great together, It’s working separately that they need to get experience of.

In my experience "anxious" children are the ones who come to "get to know you" days with at least one parent like a limpet. Anxiety in children that young is a learnt behaviour

This is factual incorrect. About 20% of people have sensitive temperaments which means they are very alert to their environment. This sensitive temperament is also found in a proportion of most animal species. Children with these temperaments find it difficult to adapt to new surroundings. Their mothers know this and know they will find it easier to adapt it they can observe their new surroundings and peers knowing their care giver is there.
OP, please take no heed of posters like this who have such an absence of knowledge of genetics and human psychology that they haven't even got as far as understanding that different people are born with different temperaments.
You help children to gain confidence by working with their temperaments, not against them.

It is brutal and cruel to separate them.

As a parent of twins, you are generally talking bollocks.

My DDs are in their twenties. When they were starting school, TAMBA came out with research that twins did best in schools where the parents were happy, and that blanket policies of either splitting them up or keeping them together were not helpful. I would say that the school not involving you with their decision, from the start, is a red flag.

My girls were dressed differently from the start, had different hair cuts, one on one time, separate sessions at playgroup, separate dance classes (that one nearly killed me with all the driving). They had different uniforms through primary but this wasn't possible in secondary. They are identical but are not exactly the same to look at. They have been in classes together, been split in school activities because they are twins instead of interest and ability like all the other children. Sometimes they have been together and it has worked and sometimes not, and the same with being apart.

It very much depended on the state of play at that given time as to whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. Teachers are very variable. We have had amusing moments when a teacher has taught one, then wondered why they were still there in the next class . Not so amusing moments when one was cornered by the music teacher in the first term for not going to a band rehearsal - she played the piano and did not know WTF the teacher was going on about, nor who he was . I have parents evenings where teachers just tell you what is the same about them even though they are teaching them in separate classes. I don't think the drama teacher could get herself over it . It is a breath of fresh air if you get a teacher that just deals with them separately, or totally separate teachers who have never seen the other twin. (Parents evenings were a mad nightmare of rushing around). However, most teachers are very sensible and have their head screwed on and have no problems. Sometimes it is better if they are in the same class as the teachers stop seeing them as clones and see that they are different people. If a teacher only knows one, sometimes they treat the other as if they are the same person when they see them.

It is long and complicated, and school is not forever. You need them to have decent academic results and a good healthy lasting relationship, which is forever.

They'll do fine without each other, it will be good for them not to be treated as a unit.

Why would you need to be consulted? It's up to the school which class they go in and they will see each other at break times

I have twins so I totally do understand. Mine wee split last year and honestly it was so good for them. They did start in the same class though but it really hindered them a lot as they stuck together and didn't venture out. At least in my school they do a lot anyway, and playtimes together, so they still see each other a lot.

Saying that, I was asked if I was willing to split them and they were flexible enough to say if it didn't work they would put them back together, this year I was given an option and I just told the school I trusts their judgement on this.

I think you should contact the school. Call up and ask for a meeting and just say your anxious. Do not request they be kept together, but just share your anxieties and what you fear about this situation. That way the school can try and explain their motives and you can hopefully find some middle group. Whatever you do though do not go in telling them you want them kept together as it closes all discussion down. But go in sharing what your concerns are and see what they say.

It's been such a good decision for mine but I really appreciated that they were prepared to move them together if they struggled. One of my twins has some additional needs and both relied on each other, this has helped both of them and the school have taken over providing support to that twin rather than his sibling.

I don't have twins. But my brothers are identical twins. And my DP is also a twin.

I think you should give the separate classes a chance. If it’s not working by Christmas then ask for them to be put in the same class.

@QueenOfMyWorld

Its not solely up to the school.

I understand you are anxious but you may well be worrying about nothing. In our (and many other) primary schools reception is largely one class learning through play with only a few times a day where they would be separated.

Ask the school why they have made this decision. You can talk about it more maybe when you have your home visit?

However, I have to agree with some of the pp's, lots of parents of the new intake are anxious for one reason or another so it's something schools are totally used to. Thankfully a lot of those anxieties are unfounded because children are far more resilient than adults give them credit for. Also, most teachers aren't heartless, they also want the children to be happy. You are trusting this school for the next 6 years so now seems a good time to start.

@kubex

Ok cool so you have zero experience of parenting twins or being a twin. Good to know.

Talk to the school - see what the reception set up is because if its like our one (which has free flow between classes a lot of the time) it sounds like it would be exactly what they need the ability to find each other if needed

DS class has 4 sets of twins across 3 classes - all our split. 2 wanted it straight away 2 discussed it with the school and then agreed to split

Twins need to learn how to function when their twin is not around.

Your children live together and spend loads of time together outside school. Yes, it may be a little difficult for them to adapt at first, but you're doing them no favours by keeping the twin dynamics on all the time.

Ok cool so you have zero experience of parenting twins or being a twin. Good to know

Department of So Fucking What.

OP - just contact the school and talk to them about it. Ask if it is possible to put them in the same class, and maybe send them a link to TAMBA. They may well say 'oh, that's fine' and change the class lists.

If not, try not to worry - see how they get on, they may well surprise you. They will be in the same school, in nearby classrooms and will see each other at two breaks and lunchtime., and be in the same hall for assembly, etc.

Children grow up a lot over the summer before they start school.

The school might have organised classes to ensure an equal number of older and younger children in the class and not really had a policy on twins.

@echt

I wasnt talking to you but why so angry?

OP, you are explaining youself fine. Some people here just have a dogmatic one size fits all approach. Nothing you say could ever shift their stance.

From what you have said about how they are together in nursery, there are no concerns about them being in the same class.

Your view of what is best for them is well grounded in your experience of them at nursery and the experience and knowledge of TAMBA.
Trust yourself.

Of course they thrive together but spiltting them up is about getting them to thrive individually you've mentioned one of the twins has anxiety which their probably masking behind the more confident one but can't be co-dependant on each other forever they need to learn to stand alone and it's best they go through this process sooner than later. It sounds like your twins are happy kids that will be fine together or alone, them being in separate classes won't diminish their bond as twins but most likely strengthen it.

I think what people are failing to acknowledge is that where all the other kids who start school that day have a lot to get used to, the twins who're separated have the additional wrench of not being with their sibling for the first time maybe ever. Those are two big steps to take on the one day.
Our twins have been lucky. We're in Germany and they're, at 6, still dossing about at kindergarten where they have a sort of family ethos and mixed age groups with siblings in the same group, so my twin girls are not the only kids in the class who have a sibling in the same class. Now at 6 we've actually asked for them to be separated at school - not so much for them to develop their independence, but because they are incredibly competitive with each other and they both get upset if the other does better. DD2, who is the smaller, was inconsolable in February when they did a skiing course together and at the end her sister was faster than her. A bit of competition is OK but if you're every time so upset that you can't even concentrate on what you're trying to learn... in a minute someone is going to come on though and tell me I shouldn't be trying to save them the pain of losing, that it's good for the soul, we should definitely put them together...

In our school they ask you if you want your twins in the same class or not. Yanbu op. They should have consulted you.

I have no prior experience of starting children in school and I admit I have no idea what I’m doing...

That's my point. You did have an idea your child has anxiety. The school won't presume you want anything in particular. Unless you tell them