To expect my twins to be kept together

[Blazingspeed]

Due to start reception in September. School has put them in separate classes without consulting me.
What do I do now? They won’t do well without each other, especially just starting out

[PaulHollywoodsSexGut]

I think the OP is getting a bit of a beating here, as @penngwyn says you need to find out if this is a decision made following best practise guidance or randomly.

HOWEVER this I will say; as the daughter of a mother who was the “calming influence” on her sister I’d urge caution. That role made my mum quite unhappy as an adult and whilst I fully appreciate you know your children better than anyone why don’t you see how they get on seperately for this first term and agree in writing with the school that should this not work for your children they have to put them in the same class from the second term on?

[MyDcAreMarvel]

I have twins you do know best, contact TAMBA for support. Research supports together for infants separate for juniors. It’s is entirely your choice as a parent.

[LaMontser]

Urgh, some people here are foul.

Op, talk to the school. I was asked how I wanted to deal with mine when they started school. They had only just turned 4 and I chose to keep them together until p3 (no reception yea in NI, starts at p1). They were at separate tables though and developed their own friendship groups. From p4 they were indifferent classes and were fine.

They'll be 11 this month and are going to different secondary schools.

[ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo]

They have thrived as individuals

You can’t seriously believe that as well as saying that twin1 is so anxious he needs twin2 to calm him? That is not thriving as an individual!

[MrsPepperpot79]

My twins started a school with two form entry. I requested that they start in the same class. Wasn't a problem. Two other sets of twins also started at the same time - one pair together, the other split, according to parental wishes. Was also told if I wanted them split later if they were too co-dependent then this wouldn't be a problem either.

I would have a word. You know your children.

[Mousefunky]

Standard practice as pointed out for schools to do this so they can flourish as individuals possibly for the first time and find their own sense of identity away from the other. They will no doubt still be able to play together at break and lunchtime and if the school is set up as my DC’s is, their classrooms will be side by side so they’re not talking about sending one to Siberia.

[gracielacey]

But if you don't separate them now, then one will have to change class and make new friends further down the line, which seems very unfair.

[DiggertyDamn]

I have twins. They have been in separate classes since they were 3 (P3, P4, P5, now first year of primary).
The school has a policy of separating twins and I'm glad they do, it's 100% brilliant for them.
I've talked to other twin parents in their school (4 sets in their year), 1 set of parents had been worried but now feels like the rest of us. It's better they are in different classes.

[LifeBeginsAtGin]

With all due respect, do you think your LO has picked up on your anxiety?

[TomHardysLittleWeener]

I have identical twins aged 2 and when the time comes I will push for them to have separate classes. They do everything together at the moment and are starting to create their own gibberish language, they are lost without one another when parted, which is sad and breaks my heart - but they need to create their own friendships and learning speeds and their own interests and hobbies.

[echt]

jay55, I admit that this was a failure on my part. All the reading up id done stated that parents have the final say on whether they will be kept together or not. I expected there to be some kind of communication before they were placed in classes. Clearly I was wrong and I accept that

You haven't failed. Check back with the school to see what their processes are. You mention "All your reading", do you mean vis a vis the school? If so, then get back to them. If they say you have the final say the follow it up.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Most schools I know separate twins if have 2 classes

I usually say to mums (I’m a nanny and maternity nurse) that when start nursery it’s good to go maybe 2 days together and one session apart so that each gets to develop on own. Also nice for mum to then be able to spend 121 time with the other one

[Todayissunny]

IT has to be your choice not the schools.
Splitting my twins when they first started school (MZ boys) affected their social and emotional development really badly. They didn't become independent, find their own way or make friends. They withdrew and didn't develop emotionally.
They are 11 now and have been together again for a few years. They are finding their own way, have their own friends, interests etc... the bond between twins is something that most people just can't understand. It is brutal and cruel to separate them.

[kubex]

Oh do get a grip OP! Your kids will be perfectly fine in separate classes - just like all the other kids that aren't in the same class as their sibling or best friend.

[MrsSnootyPants2018]

I think you need to trust the school. They'll have dealt with twins before and it may be that they want to get to know them apart too.

[ReadytoTalk]

@kubex

Have you got twins?

[redspottydress]

I doubt there us an actual written policy on separating twins at any point. Research from Kings has shown that separating twins against their wishes at such young ages leads to an increased risk of mental health issues in adolescence. Twins are not just siblings who happen to be born on the same day. From a systemic perspective it goes much deeper than that.

[Pandora79]

I think that’s partly why I’m upset. They haven’t consulted me at all

What I don't get is, if this is so important to you, why you didn't speak to them. You say the school haven't spoken to the children. You keep saying you know best, so why didn't you discuss this with the school. You know your older son gets anxious, that's your job to inform the school.

[SandyY2K]

Twins tend to be separated all the time.

If not they're together almost every waking moment and it's not healthy. Just like working in the same department as your OH at work.

[Parker231]

I have twins. They were in the same room at nursery but when they started school we asked that they be in separate classes. We didn’t want them to be referred to as ‘the twins ‘ but as individuals. There were no problems; they had different friends who they sat with at lunch and played with.

[Blazingspeed]

Kubex... you are delightful.

[StarUtopia]

I think you would be doing them a disservice by insisting they are kept together. They are two separate people. They need the chance to develop their own friends etc.