To expect my twins to be kept together

[Blazingspeed]

Due to start reception in September. School has put them in separate classes without consulting me.
What do I do now? They won’t do well without each other, especially just starting out

@NorbertTheDragon
I'm not even an expert and I have twins

This!!

I always assumed if I had twins I'd separate them at school for independence. As it is I decided that my twins are best together but would not make that assumption for another family. Most of the time I'm just winging it anyway!

Reception and nursery years can be a good testing ground though as many are more open plan with some group separation.

We have twins and were given the choice in accordance with our LEA's policy. We opted for them to be together in reception, then they split for a few years and coped fine.

They've been in the same form group since year 5 to year 11 but that's mostly only been for registration and they were in different subject classes except for PE.

I think parents should be consulted in this situation when they first start school.

I have twins (adults now) who were unavoidably in the same class for Reception. I was unhappy about this - starting school gives children a chance to start building independence from the closer family group, to spread their wings, to make mistakes and learn from them, but with a twin in the same class this is considerable curtailed. My DT would come home and 'tell tales' about what the other one had been up to! We were able to separate them from year one and it was the best decision. As a parent of twins, and after a long career in primary education, I don't believe it can ever be in their best interests to be kept together.

I think you are getting a hard time on here OP.

You sound genuinely concerned about doing what you feel is the right thing for your children.

I think the most sensible posts have been those telling you to contact the school and discuss your concerns.

It may be, based on that they choose to re-evaluate or you can perhaps agree an option on if it's not working out after the first half term they are placed back together (or even vice versa - so start together and if they settle well move classes). It may be you come away re-assured by the decision to separate.

I'll admit my first inclination would be that separate classes is better - but I'm not their mother and my knowledge of twins is limited to friends who have them (who did choose separate classes).

It seems to me you feel very caught off guard by this having assumed they'd be together - so perhaps that's part of the issue?

Again it's a good reason to speak to the school and talk this through.

Good luck!

I think it is normal for you to feel anxious about them starting school - separately or together.

You said that they’d had a tough start. I’m hearing a parent who has been very involved in making decisions with others about the welfare of the DCs and is now feeling shocked that she hasn’t been involved in the decision making process. It’s new and it’s alien to all of us, but more so for parents who have faced some tough challenges before the child is in school.

OP, I’d phone the school and arrange to go in and have a chat. They’ll either reassure you about how they support your DCs and you’ll be OK with what’s approaching or you ask for change.

No allowances are made for other children, so why twins
Because it’s not possible. They’re hardly going to let your younger child start school earlier to keep them together.

And as most people on here have said, twins are routinely split up at primary school, so actually they aren’t being treated any differently.

I think you are getting a pasting on here for no good reason (other than perhaps you haven't explained yourself very well). As far as I can see, you are well aware that your twins are two separate people; it is also very much the case that each of them has a twin and all the people who are saying 'they'll be just like all the other singleton children who have to do it on their own' are missing the point that we all have our situation (oldest child, youngest of six, twin, whatever) and that's how we live.

As far as I recall, current best practice is for schools to consult with parents about placing twins together or separately. If I recall correctly most recent research suggests that most (but not all) twins do best when placed together at primary and separated at secondary. But that it is dependent on individual factors, which at the moment you are better placed to know about than anyone else. If I were you, I would get together some facts (TAMBA website for starters) and ask to meet the reception lead.

I have 9 year old b/g twins. They are in the same class (their school has 1 form entry - I think I would have wanted them in the same class anyway) and are doing fine. Both very much their own people.

I think I would check first how ofte nthe school reshuffles the classes. If not at all or only at (say) Y5, you will need to weigh up the benefits of having them together initially against the downside of having to separate one from their friends if you want to separate them later. If they reshuffle after Reception or Y1, say, then i dont think there is anything to lose in asking to keep them together initially, particulalry if nursery have not raised any concerns or suggested you separate them for school.

In fact, it is probably worth speaking to nursery and asking for their thoughts on pros and cons of keeping them together based on their knowledge of the actual children. I know my friend with twins did this (in her case it was a question of whether it would be better to send them to the furher away primary with 2 class intake or nearer (and better) primary with single class intake). She said that nursery were very helpful.

I was worried about this too when my boys were little. However I asked them - they were nearly 5 and they said they wanted separate classes and the school recommended that too so I was the only person slightly worried about it! In the end it worked out fine except I invited both classes to their parties until they were about 7 so that was about 50 children at my house bringing 2 presents each which was rather full. The parents stayed the first year so I got to know a lot of other parents quickly in both classes (Very generous parents of course to send their child with a present for each twin)

Tbh it stops them becoming ‘the twins’ and lets them develop individually more.

I would also look at how the 2 classes work together.

Our classes in reception are free flow for lots of activities, split for a few activities. so it may get a taste of freedom but be able to spend time together... however that is my Ds's school not your DT's so it is worth asking how reception works.

You have the right to request they are together.

However I would say apart is better. My identical twins were together in infants then we moved them to another school where they were split - they were/are fine in either setting (SALT for infants) but it’s far better to get a separate view of the children as individuals.

You could always ask if they’d consider splitting them with a view you’ll put them together if they struggle.

DO NOT agree that with the teachers then tell the kids though.

How have they decided on which children go in which class?

At our school we have a Pan of 45. EYFS has two classes and they are split in half.

Then each year group has a mixed class with 15 of the other year and 30 of the year group. Typically it is the older 15 in year one that makes with year two and then next year the youngest 15 mix with year 2

If this is the situation in your school then the twins should have been allocated a class based on this not just separated.

Actually they often develop better individually when they are in the same class. Being together allows them to feel confident and encourages them to find ways to differentiate themselves. When together in class my twins found their own friends in the playground. Once they were separated in class they only played together!

Most schools in my town give a choice. At my kids school some want split up some don’t. I’m a twin and when we were younger we stayed together as we never had a choice. Small primary school, one class per year. It has its pros and cons. If it was me I’d like them to be together

Wish mine had been split. My DS hid behind his TSister for decades. It did neither of them any good.

I do feel for you. However, I really do think you need to take on board the experience of parents of twins who have been there and done that.

Generally speaking, multiples are going to have a harder start in life because they tend to arrive earlier. So a lot of these mums will know what they are talking about.

As the mum of a DC who has been at school with twins, I can tell you that the twins are generally lumped together by everyone else, whether you like it or not. I know I hesitate to invite one of the boys over without the other one, because although DS1 is more friendly with one of them, he is also friends with the other.

So having them in separate classes gives them at least a chance of not being lumped together all the time.

If your DS1 is distraught, and the school know that seeing your DS2 will calm him, they will likely bring them together occasionally anyway. They won't want to have a distressed child. But, it will be good for your DS1 to learn how to self calm, without relying on DS2's presence.

Also, it's hard for other children, who feel left out when friends with twins. I know my DS1 steered away from the twins in infant school because they were so frequently together. He never knew when one of them would wander off from him and leave him alone. They were in the same class. Yet now he is in a classroom with one twin brother (different school, different children) he is good friends with both boys, but better friends with one of them. So you may find that friendships with your boys will be more successful if they are in separate classes.

YABU

I'm very glad I wasn't in the same class as my twin to start. We actually were for years 5-6 as there was only one, but were then split again at secondary school. We were in the same Maths class for GCSE, but that's it.

Thank goodness! It's awful how hard you have to fight to be recognised as being an individual person, and not half of a pair.

In the school my dcs go/went to, they only occasionally remixed the children after reception. So with dd she was with the same class from year r to year 6. Ds1 they mixed after reception in year 1. With ds2 he is in year 3 and still with the same children. It depends whether there’s seriously bad chemistry in a particular class or lots of kids leaving.

So if you choose in reception to have children in the same class in order for them to move into another class then another’s child would have to move, or a whole group being swapped. Unless of course the school is undersubscribed.

You would also have the issue of choosing which child would leave their established group to start anew in a different class. Which if both children have established themselves could prove difficult and unfair to one of them.

There have been twins in each of my dc’s year groups, three in dc2s! They’re all in separate classes (2FE) and have been from reception. I think it can be a pain for class assemblies so when they have assemblies they quite often ask the parents from one class to watch both classes one day, and then the parents from the other to watch both classes another day. They’ve got round this by of course letting the parents of the twin children attend on whichever day they want.

I had two dc in the same class, they aren't twins, they're 10 months apart. They were in the same class all through primary because it was one form entry. I wish they could have been separated, it was hard for both of them.

But that's not why I wanted to post. When your first dc goes to school, if you haven't been to a school since you were a child, haven't worked in a school, it can sometimes be hard to find your feet. I felt that I and my dc were just a number, it was all arranged to suit families who knew the ropes, who had a sahp etc etc. A felt out of my depth and I wanted to be in control. But it all worked out much better when I stood back and started to trust the school and the teachers. They know very well what they're doing and they have bags of experience.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-43821974

Actually new research says this should be treated case by case and the decision made by parents,twins and school.

In line with school policy my non identical twins were together in reception then separated from Year 1. Think my sister's identical wer the same.

Some really unhelpful 'advice' from people without twins on here. Sets of twins aren't all the same. Similar to all children they vary,as such so should provision.

I'm in favour of splitting but do see that this might not suit all.

If they're identical twins, I think it's even MORE important that they be separated. The risk is that twins can sometimes be seen as two halves of the same person. Separating them teaches them to cope as individuals and enables them to make friendships beyond each other. This is very important for fostering their social development and independence.

Interesting that all the twins on here say they would prefer to be in separate classes.
OP why don't you try it and see how it goes? Presumably they could be put in the same class after a bit if it is not working?

If there is more than one intake, I think most primary schools separate multiples unless there are special circumstances.

And most schools generally consult the previous care provider (nursery, preschool) about the children as well and receive information from them about them.

Are you sure they didn't reach out to the preschool they've been out for the past 18 months for input?

Yes, your children are young. But so are all the other children starting reception. And they are all starting in the class they've been put into, whether or not it's with their best friends, people they know or not. And siblings won't be in there with them either. It's just the way it is. Having 2 the same age isn't really any different, even if they are twins.