To expect my twins to be kept together

[Blazingspeed]

Due to start reception in September. School has put them in separate classes without consulting me.
What do I do now? They won’t do well without each other, especially just starting out

As everyone else has said it is to encourage independence and most schools do it. When my twins were seperated in Reception it broke my heart but they are now coming to the end of Year 3 and I can honestly say it is the best thing I ever did for them as one was very much dependent on the other. They both have lovely sets of friends but also play with each other at break time and they are both in the same classes for English and Maths as they get put in ability classes so its not all bad. I hope they enjoy Reception OP

OP - my big question is if having the twins together was so important to you why didn't you go in and discuss this with the school?

I would suggest that you make a request to go in and discuss your twins, and their special needs, especially T1's anxiety issues. You can also ask why they've been separated, and why you are worried about this. That is a far more positive approach to the issue than ranting to some "random people in the internet".

My DCs school ended up with a special entry criteria for twins "who it was felt would benefit from being split", as there are so many school near here with a 1 form entry, and it had 2 form entry. All the twins I knew were split - most fairly easily, one had problems. But all the twins were happy in the end and are just as close afterwards (or in one case not close) as they were before.

2 sets of twins in DC's reception year. The school consulted parents, both decided to split them. Best decision for all involved.

Expecting sympathetic and reasoned argument on AIBU was sadly misplaced.
Please contact the school. I would be disappointed they hadn't contacted me in advance of placing them separately as the decision should be made in relation to the specific multiples. It may or may not be best for them to be split, but it is reasonable to have a discussion about it.

@Blazingspeed

If you can, I'd ask to go in to meet the reception leader, rather than doing over the phone. Make sure you can't be interpreted as 'going in with all guns blazing' but more as a collaborative parent.

When you are talking to the school it might be helpful to ask them if they mix around classes at any point later on in primary. If they don't, it might be very hard for one of your children to move to another class on their own later on if you decide it's time for them to be in different classes.

Alternatively, separating your twins at the end of infants might just be the trigger they want for reorganising classes!

My sister has twins. They went to a small school with only one class and found it really hard when they moved to secondary and were separated.

You should discuss this with the school. I have twins and had them in separate groups in reception, although it's more of an open plan nursery set up, so separate for some activities but a lot of free play as a larger group.

I decided after that to keep them in the same class. This has pros and cons and will be different for each family. However I thought that giving them time together was positive especially as come high school there will likely be less choice.

We now flexi school and each twin has one day being educated elsewhere (a forest school), giving them two days apart and three together. It's working really well but we have done all of this in close negotiation with the school. If you haven't spoken to them you can't really complain but they are likely to be amenable and if they are not willing to discuss the children's best interests then perhaps it is not the best school and now a better time to find out than once they've started.

There are usually later opportunities for separating twins- most schools shuffle classes at some point, I separated my twin girls when we changed schools. It is really obvious to both parents and school when they need to be apart for their own development. Later on you will find yourself taking the teacher’s opinion into account because they know how they behave in class but just now you are the expert. Have confidence and trust the TAMBA reasearch and the other twin parents.
Don’t beat yourself up for not having expected the school to separate without discussing it, it is a strange (if common) policy given that the research is very much against it.

Every other kid in both classes will be a very small child who'll be starting school on their own

Simply put, what you've not had, you don't miss!

Consider toddlers who have really strong attachment to security objects like a particular teddy, and how they may experience a greater need for those objects in unfamiliar settings. We understand that and we ease such children into coping wihout the object. Well, school-age twins may as well have spent every single day of their lives with a life-sized, all-singing, all-dancing fully interactive teddy that loves them back! The transition from pre-school to school without their twin can sometimes be just too much change as once.

Not read past the 1st page yet but it's good they're seperated. Twins are two people not one. They should be treated as individuals. Other children have to go to class alone, its no different. Independence should be a priority.

I am a twin and I have twins. Me and sis were separated at school. It was double edged really we had different friends, different interests and were academicly at different levels. My twins have also been separated, they will find each other at break/lunch but I feel they need that bit of independence..... Be warned though of the tears that fall when only one is invited to a party...

From my perspective. I have non ID boys. (ID / non ID makes no difference really)

They went to the same pre school as we didn't secure 2 places at 'our' school nursery.

Our school phoned me before they were due to start and said it was their policy to split them unless there were CALMHS issues, they would be in the same class. It could be reviewed after a few weeks.

They were the only twins in the school at the time and knew no one else at the school. The classes were opposite each other and their reception teachers knew that there was another twin at the school. If one had a wobble they would try to allocate a seat at lunch together or reassure them that they could meet up at play time.

My 2 liked that they did different stuff at different times. I think it is easier with them split. The only problem I have ever had was when I volunteered to help out on a trip. I couldn't have both my boys with me (DT1 plays with his class etc) so I went with a group who's parent had not been chosen to volunteer.

Theyre now in yr 5.

Haven’t read the whole thread only ops posts so sorry if this has already been said. Just because the children are in different classes it doesn’t mean they won’t see each other. In my daughters reception class the two classes are together inside and out for the majority of the day. Even if your child’s school isn’t like that they will see each other at playtime and lunchtime. I think you should call the school and have a chat about how they run the early years classes it might put your mind at ease.
Also you were saying they haven’t met your children or spoken to you, have they perhaps spoken to the nursery? Have the nursery recommended they are split?

If they are put in the same class and this ends up being too challenging for them (thinking potentially not developing new friendships because they stick with each other etc), which one then moves the next year and experiences the upheaval? T2 because he is more calm presumably. Which would be quite unfair really.

But @JamieVardys, how is that any different to my 5 and 4 yr old? My 5 yr old had never been anywhere without 4 yr old sibling...didn't know any different. Likewise, 4 yr old was bereft at nursery without sister.

No allowances are made for other children, so why twins?

I actually think twins have a massive advantage, as even separated, the other twin is still there at break time etc. My child went from being 24/7 with sibling to not having them there at all.

I'm still not seeing how it would be massively different for a twin than it would be for a kid with a 3 year old sibling, or a kid who'd never been away from their family by going to nursery.

It's a big change for ALL of them at that age.

It certainly isn’t policy at our school to spilt twins. We seem to have lots of them at our school at the moment, there are three sets in dds year and all of them have stayed together. From the top of my head There is one set in year 4 who have been split since the start and one set in year 3 who have been split this year. The rest are still together. I know there are discussions between the slt, reception staff, parents and childcare settings to figure out the best way to go for each set. A blanket decision is not the way to go imo.

I am surprised at those who say it is better to change classes when kids are older in primary. I strongly disagree. If a child is outgoing and popular it will be fine. But for a quiet child this is much harder when you are older in primary and kids in the class have chosen friends.
Also wanted to add that not all twins have a special close bond.

I wish people would stop with this "they're not the same person" stuff, the staple reply on AIBU if you ever pose any question that has to do with twins. We do know that they are different people. But that doesn't mean that you have to treat them as if they weren't twins, as if they didn't have a relationship with each other that for some twins can be very close - and not necessarily in a creepy, shared language, still living together and brushing each others' hair in their 40s kind of a way. They can just be close friends. Don't most schools try to ensure that kids have a good friend from nursery in their class? Maybe they should avoid that too in the name of independence.

Of course your 5 yo has been without your 4yo. For a whole year! That's how it's different.

Sorry OP for all the people without twins who think they are twin experts. I'm not even an expert and I have twins.

We was given a choice if we wanted to split our twins. We decided against it, in secondary school they’re 100% going to be separated as that’s just what happens and in the later years of primary they will possibly be separated due to levels they’re working at. It’s no nice starting somewhere completely new without someone who’s been beside you all the way so far. They were kept together until year 2 then separated until year 4 then got separated at secondary again and coped fine and both have separate friendships aswell as joint ones and each other too.

Go into the school and talk to them, you may change your mind when they explain the reasons or they may change their minds and put them together.

Would the school even know they are twins? Just curious how schools would identify them...

Maybe the last name and date of birth might be a clue...

It’s the matching birthdays and parents that gives it away

Other children have to go to class alone, its no different
It is. Singleton children will have already experienced doing something on their own, going to nursery, swimming lessons, even going to the park. In the most part, twins won’t have done anything like this on their own.