Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

Neighbor talking through ajoining bedroom wall to my 4yr old.

171 replies

Chocolatelavender · 11/06/2018 13:06

My 4 yr old dd came out of her bedroom to tell me 'it's 9 o'clock time for bed.' It was 9:15pm. I asked her how she knew it was 9 o'clock. She told me a voice through the wall told her it was 9 o'clock go to bed. Sometimes, dd can't get to sleep and chats to her dolls while lying in bed. Sometimes she gets up multiple times and comes into the lounge room and I have to take her back to bed. Many times she comes into my bedroom and co-sleeps. Lots of children go through stages like this so I'm not worried about that. I am worried that someone I don't really know thinks it's ok to talk to my daughter through her bedroom wall. Aibu to be concerned about this?

OP posts:

Frosty66612 · 12/06/2018 21:11

I can hear everything through my bedroom wall. I think my headboard is against the same wall that the neighbour’s headboard is against and I often hear him having noisy sex, coughing, laughing,farting, snoring, flushing the toilet in his en suite etc. Can’t wait to move out in a few months to a house with good sound proofing

Rumboogie · 12/06/2018 21:33

I can' believe this thread. I'm wetting myself laughing

SuspiciouslyMinded · 12/06/2018 22:15

Maybe “It’s 9pm, time for bed!” was not directed at your daughter? Maybe it was your neighbour inviting his / her partner to a session of loud sex?

But seriously, it’s totally inappropriate and rude if they were talking through the wall to your daughter, especially considering what you have to listen to when they are at it. Maybe they know she can her their sex noises so they are keen for her to go to sleep before they start? But that’s even creepier.

Are you brave enough to talk to them about it? You would have to make sure first that they are talking to your daughter though.

Is moving her bed against a different wall an option?

Good luck. 💐

ReformedBot · 12/06/2018 22:34

"Through the wall" could also mean 'from outside' so I would get your facts straight first OP to save any embarrassment 😊

Mammyloveswine · 12/06/2018 23:16

Op has said she can hear her neighbours chatting and it's not an adjoining wall... her daughter's bedroom has a bloody door adjoining the neighbours. The daughter is probably speaking louder than op realises (as she is downstairs watching telly or has the relaxation CD on) but neighbours will hear this incessant chatter. They will have probs vented "it's 9pm go to sleep!" Without even thinking about your daughter hearing it!

Honest to god I despair at the lack of common sense on these threads sometimes!

PorkFlute · 12/06/2018 23:17

So your neighbours asked your child to go to sleep because they could hear her talking through the wall and rather than get your child to be quiet at bedtime you’re going to go and challenge your neighbours about speaking to her????
Get the child some books to look at quietly or let her listen to an audiobook or some music with headphones at bedtime. No need to be letting her talk to her dolls at that time of night when you know the walls are thin and you can hear every conversation.

Flatearthersphere · 12/06/2018 23:21

But the neighbours can screech like banging foxes? And a little girl can't talk to her dolls at 9pm? It's not midnight... It's bloody 9pm.

AjasLipstick · 12/06/2018 23:45

Flute perhaps but it's nothing to do with the neighbours what time OP sends her child to sleep. It's 9.00 not 3.00am!

SoonToBeMumOfOne · 13/06/2018 00:36

I'm just confused at why you are assuming they were talking directly to your child? They could have been talking to themselves or better still, were babysitting for the night and were telling them to go to bed? You said other people were making assumptions but you are too.

Original poster

Chocolatelavender · 13/06/2018 06:46

To pp saying I am making an assumption that they talked to her through the wall. I don't think that I am as in one of my posts I wrote this: There could be other explanation but if they did tell her through her bedroom wall it's 9 0'clock go to bed then that just doesn't sit right with me.

I am open to the fact that it might not have happened as my dd described and that her getting the time being fairly accurate was a coincidence. And I have taken a few of the reasonable posts on board. I'm also not going to assume that my dd made it up either.

OP posts:

Original poster

Chocolatelavender · 13/06/2018 07:18

Mammyloveswine

Op has said she can hear her neighbours chatting and it's not an adjoining wall... her daughter's bedroom has a bloody door adjoining the neighbours.

No, I said there is a door in the hallway outside my dd bedroom that is adjoining the neighbors as a way of describing how our units were once a single house. She has an adjoining wall to their bedroom, not a door. The door in the hallway is between their kitchen and the other interior wall to their bedroom. On the other side of that interior wall is their built-in wardrobe. On the other side of the interior wall of our hallway is my dd built-in wardrobe. I have installed a cupboard against the adjoining door at the end of the hall. They have a built-in cupboard on the other side of the door from when their unit was completely renovated by the LL before they moved in.

Honestly, this thread has gone bizarre. I really just wanted to know if people thought it was ok or not ok for a neighbor to talk through child's bedroom wall to a child if they aren't familiar or very well known. I never said I would charge over there to accuse them. That's never been my style. Most previous neighbors I've had are great and we've socialized and looked out for each other. That's something I've really enjoyed. Sometimes I've had crazy arsed neighbors too and no-one but crazy arsed neighbors enjoys that. Sometimes I have had neighbors that like to keep to themselves and I can respect that too. Some of these pp assumptions and personal attacks are f*cking laughable. Says more about you then it does about me. And the concern I expressed at the start of this thread, most parents who love their children will have concern for them and want to look out for them and listen to them. That's just normal.

OP posts:

CaptainKirkssparetupee · 13/06/2018 07:42

But you have no evidence your neighbours said anything through the wall to your child.

Whisky2014 · 13/06/2018 07:45

There's nothing to suggest the neighbours did actually do this.

Flatearthersphere · 13/06/2018 08:44

OK, the op isn't asking for your opinion on whether this happened. She's cleared this up many times but obviously so many are you are spoiling for a fight or want to accuse a child of lying.

If the daughter is mistaken, so fucking what, that's not the point of the thread.

The op asked if it's acceptable behavior or not. I'm sure that she would do more detective work to determine whether that's what was happening/if it ever happened again and then act accordingly.

It's so very odd that so many of you are answering a question that simply wasn't asked.

RunMummyRun68 · 13/06/2018 09:02

She was I her bedroom. In bed

So why didn't they say got to sleep rather than go to bed??

parentin · 13/06/2018 09:14

Simple answer no it's not ok especially if your daughter dose not know or interact with them.
However try engage in a conversation with them and bring it up casual and see what response you get. " some nights I think I can hear someone telling me to go to bed, or I could be just over tired" you will know by their response of you feel you need to monitor it or maybe lay with your daughter till she gose sleep for a few nights and see if anything is in it. It may make you feel a bit better also

OliviaStabler · 13/06/2018 10:04

Is it OK for an unknown adult to have a full blown conversation through the wall to a child = No.

Is it OK for someone to say loudly 'time for bed' hoping the child or adult will hear and keep the noise down = Yes.

Leapfrog44 · 13/06/2018 10:10

Relax there's nothing sinister about that. I might do the same if a chattering child was annoying me a bit. I

I might look at my watch and say '9'clock it's time for bed' through the wall in the hope that the child will either go to bed or the Mum will get the message..

Butterflykissess · 13/06/2018 10:16

could have been talking to each other or they were babysiting? my sister and me were in my garden the other day and my kids were in the bedroom playing. anyway all you could hear was a really loud annoying screetching sound (not a cry) so my sister calls up to them to be quiet. it was the neighbours kid!! i had to tell her thats not any of mine. was mortified. it could have easily been a situation like that.

bemusedmoose · 13/06/2018 10:50

That isn't really talking to your kid through a wall.

My neighbours are still banging around at 2am - their wardrobe is behind my bed and it creaks open and bangs shut with 'tidying' til 2am most nights. Their kids are up at 5am with freakin lead boots on running up and down the stairs and screaming for hours and what sounds like banging their heels on the walls (they're all school age). Wakes me and my kids every freakin day and stops us falling asleep (yes it makes me really cranky) and i have shouted through the wall to stop, go to bed and once or twice when i know its a grown up expletives which i dont usually do.

Ive mentioned the noise and get 'oh we dont hear anything from your side...' ummm..... Because we dont do that!!! Or 'what am i supposed to do?'

They wouldn't know she was up at 9pm unless whatever it was she was doing was annoying them and loud (kids are noisy but some are insanely noisy and need to be told to be quieter) . I would say to them that you know what they said and ask if they were bothered by something, in a nice way, and next time could they let you know instead as hearing it through the wall is a bit odd for your 4 yr old.

QuizzlyBear · 13/06/2018 11:49

When living in a flat years ago on a summer's night I got fed up with the non-stop chattering from the kids next door (yes, only about 9pm but I'd been at work all day and wanted some quiet time) and said out loud to myself in a normal voice 'oh for fuck's sake, just shut UP'.

There was a moment of silence and I realised that they'd heard me through their open window. I was mortified as the comment hadn't been intended for them to hear (I don't routinely swear at kids!), just my own frustration. I'm now even more mortified in case somebody thought I was grooming them

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7