Neighbor talking through ajoining bedroom wall to my 4yr old.

[Chocolatelavender]

My 4 yr old dd came out of her bedroom to tell me 'it's 9 o'clock time for bed.' It was 9:15pm. I asked her how she knew it was 9 o'clock. She told me a voice through the wall told her it was 9 o'clock go to bed. Sometimes, dd can't get to sleep and chats to her dolls while lying in bed. Sometimes she gets up multiple times and comes into the lounge room and I have to take her back to bed. Many times she comes into my bedroom and co-sleeps. Lots of children go through stages like this so I'm not worried about that. I am worried that someone I don't really know thinks it's ok to talk to my daughter through her bedroom wall. Aibu to be concerned about this?

I'm pretty sure that 99.9% of grooming isn't carried out by shouting through a wall when you've no idea who's on the other side.

But don't let common sense get in the way of a Mumsnet "but what about the children" moment....

She talks softly to her baby dolls like she's their mummy. As a side note, I could hear them having loud sex in the middle of the night last night

How do you know it was "loud" sex? If they can hear your daughter "talking softly" then you are just as likely to hear them having sex softly.

Unless, of course, your daughter wasn't talking softly....

Talking to a child through a wall is creepy. Might scare a child. Fgs

@IIIustriousIyIIlogical - it sounds to me like you were very restrained.

When nobody else is home I often talk to my animals, never for one minute entered my head the neighbours might think I was talking through the wall to them.

@RoseWhiteTips - Talking to a child through a wall is creepy. Might scare a child.

I would think if the child lives in a house with walls thin enough to hear the neighbours speaking, the child would be completely used to voices coming through the walls and unlikely to be scared by it!

So all that’s happened is that the neighbours, presumably in exasperation at the kiddy noise, have said “it’s 9 o clock, go to bed!”?

Theres nothing creepy at all in that.

I can't believe how thin your walls are, OP, that would drive me insane.

If your dd
Is so softly spoken that you can’t hear her, how did the neighbours know she was awake and talking?

Maybe you've got a ghost who talks to your DD.

Maybe they were just a bit anoyed that she was awake so late. They clearly could hear her if they told her to go to bed.

Do you think my neighbours think i am asking them if they want to have their tummy tickled?

Thank-you mn, a few different viewpoints to consider. Because of some past events before we lived here I'm very aware that there are weird and threatening people in the world who can seem like normal people at first. I used to give people the benefit of the doubt but find that really hard to do now. Maybe for my current neighbors they don't think it's weird to talk to a child through the wall and maybe they thought they were being helpful. I wouldn't do it because I think it's a bit inappropriate. I don't think that they were annoyed as I've asked in passing if we were too noisy and they said no. Also, I think if you were annoyed at the noise you would speak to the parents. Our front doors are only 2 metres away from each other so pretty easy to pop over and knock on the door. The day they moved in they asked to use my car parking space as its closer to the unit while they moved their stuff in. I let them use it and was accommodating, so I think I'm fairly approachable.

Bollocks to that, I would move her to another room.

Failing that get her bed as far away from adjoining wall as possible, soundproof the wall and get her a fish tank or something for a bit of white noise. I think you have a soundproofing issue and would consider that a total invasion of privacy.

I had problems with new upstairs neighbours waking young dc with middle of the night sex sessions, dc started copying noises before I worked out what was going on. Absolutely mortifying.

Could your neighbour have the tv on in the next room and your daughter heard that?

I find it highly unlikely that they would be talking to your daughter through the wall.

I would pop a baby monitor in the room for a few days before approaching them

@sweeneytoddsrazor - Do you think my neighbours think i am asking them if they want to have their tummy tickled?

If they get a panicked look in their eye and start running in the opposite direction when they see you, you'll know they do. Alternatively, it could be the start of something special. Odd, but special.

@Chocolatelavender

Are you sure this is happening and your child isn't making it up?

Don't mean to be rude, but kids do tell tales. Have you actually heard the neighbour yourself?

Are you in a new build? Is that why the walls are so thin? Any chance you could put soundproofing against the wall?

Another thought ... could it be a ghost? 👻

And yeah maybe move rooms for her if poss.

It's not that bad for a neighbour to say something through the wall occasionally. (IMO.) I mean, when I lived with my parents, our neighbour (Dave) used to say 'shut the hell up Linda or I'll come round and tan your hide!' All I was doing was whacking the wall with a tennis racket when he was on nights!

Roar has it. It IS an invasion of privacy. We do NOT expect or want our neighbours to suddenly speak to us through walls!

I think your title is very misleading.

The likelihood is that your child has heard them say something along the lines of “Its gone 9 ‘o’ clock, why isn’t she asleep?” and your DD has picked up on that.

I had an image of an adult laying against the wall talking and having a full conversation with your DD.

Well the title doesn't matter. Read the OP. That explains it.

If the walls are so thin the neighbours can hear every word each other say in a normal speaking voice I would be looking to move house.

Coyoacan

I can't believe how thin your walls are, OP, that would drive me insane.

It used to be a single house that has been converted into two 2bedroom units. There is still a door at the end of the hall next to dd bedroom that leads into neighbors unit that is permanently locked. I've put a cupboard against it to hide the door and the side of the cupboard partially blocks dd bedroom door by a couple of inches. Before ndn moved in the LL renovated and invited me to have a look. On their side of the door is a large pantry or linen cupboard. So, I thought that should block out sound. It's a brick house and all the walls are brick so I don't understand how that's not soundproof enough.

I would interpret it as a momentary frustration leading to an out loud "It's 9 o\clock, go to sleep" without any intention of the child actually hearing it. But if you ask "are you annoyed by the noise", then they'd say "no" because people don't want to cause disruption with their neighbours, and even if asked directly, will say "no, it's no problem" unless it really has become continuous and intolerable. But just because it isn't continuous and intolerable doesn't mean to say they don't have moments of frustration.

@AjasLipstick - It IS an invasion of privacy

Lack of soundproofing is the issue. Nobody has privacy with walls that thin.

'Are you sure this is happening and your child isn't making it up?

Don't mean to be rude, but kids do tell tales. Have you actually heard the neighbour yourself?'

My dd doesn't know how to tell the time and we don't have a clock so that's what makes me believe her.