Neighbor talking through ajoining bedroom wall to my 4yr old.

[Chocolatelavender]

My 4 yr old dd came out of her bedroom to tell me 'it's 9 o'clock time for bed.' It was 9:15pm. I asked her how she knew it was 9 o'clock. She told me a voice through the wall told her it was 9 o'clock go to bed. Sometimes, dd can't get to sleep and chats to her dolls while lying in bed. Sometimes she gets up multiple times and comes into the lounge room and I have to take her back to bed. Many times she comes into my bedroom and co-sleeps. Lots of children go through stages like this so I'm not worried about that. I am worried that someone I don't really know thinks it's ok to talk to my daughter through her bedroom wall. Aibu to be concerned about this?

@Chocolatelavender

Thanks PumpkinPie2016 and HectorlovesKiki that's exactly how I feel.

🙄

I think it's a mountain out of a molehill. Who knows whether they were talking to DD or each other? Maybe they were just sick of the noise and said out loud "It's 9pm you should be in bed!" out of frustration.

As a side note, I could hear them having loud sex in the middle of the night last night and I didn't feel it necessary to talk to them through the wall

You're missing a great opportunity there OP :-)

Our walls in our previous house were so thin we could hear everything from them and vise versa.

My children were over excited after a party one evening and were chatting to each other in bed.
Neighbour popped a not through the door saying please keep the noise down as her children (in adjoining room) were trying to sleep.
Fair enough. I told my two to keep the noise down and only whisper.

As the weeks went on my children and their children on the other side regularly kept each other a week (sometimes even shouting through the wall to one another).
Neighbour continued to post me messages on facebook telling me to keep them quiet as hers was trying to sleep (never occurred to her it was six of one and half a dozen of the other).

Anyway, we've both moved on since then and each in new houses.
She insisted it was always my children keeping hers awake and not a bit of both.
Therefore I couldn't help smiling to myself at her facebook status recently now she's settled in a new house "I wish my girls would go to sleep. It's 9pm and they just won't go off. It's every night!".

I resisted the temptation to respons with "OK I'll tell mine to keep the noise down". I thought it would have been a bit far fetched as we are now (thankfully) four miles apart!!

It seems most likely that they can hear your dd and were thinking "be quiet". I can hear my neighbours' kids though the wall but not my OH in the next room, so don't assume they can't hear just because you can't.

@op I can totally see why this would freak you out, but maybe the neighbours had had a glass or two of wine and thought it was funny???

Any chance of switching bedrooms? #practical

Can you sit in her room with her just before 9pm and you sit quiet, tell her not to let on you are there, and get her to do her normal thing of chatting to her dolls and then if you hear a voice you can take it from there...

It is a bit weird and they shouldn't be talking to your child through the wall, it's creepy, it's good that your daughter told you, tell her to let you know each time they talk to her

It's entirely possible someone next door is talking through the wall to your dd or just talking to each other and she overhears. My own bedroom wall is shared with my neighbours bedroom wall and my god we can hear everything! I'm convinced the wall is made of paper. I can hear their conversations, we put a sliding wardrobe across most of the wall to dampen sounds.

They insist on having their headboard against it on their side so Saturday night I heard them chatting about a holiday cruise they are going on, sounds a good deal.

Id hope people wouldn't be so stupid as to scare a little child by talking through the wall and it's just stuff she's overhearing.

I resisted the temptation to respons with "OK I'll tell mine to keep the noise down".

You shoulda done it, roseblossom 🤣 I wouldn't have been able to resist, complete with a 😜

Saturday night I heard them chatting about a holiday cruise they are going on, sounds a good deal.

You should put a note through the door asking them for details of the wonderful cruise they were discussing in bed on Saturday night.

Why don't you just put her in another bedroom, if that's possible?

I can't speak for the US where you are, but it would be a bit cheeky of a neighbour to do that here. However, it it's a one off cos they were a bit cross then I'd just let it go.

Id hope people wouldn't be so stupid as to scare a little child by talking through the wall and it's just stuff she's overhearing.

Doesn’t sound like she was scared :)

Telling a child to be quiet and go to sleep is perfectly understandable if she’s disturbing them.

No one needs anyone’s permission to talk to a child FFS there are some batshit posters.

If you don’t like them telling her, then stop her disturbing them 🤷🏻‍♀️

If your dd was just chatting quietly with her dolls they wouldn't have heard her and therefore known she was even there. So I would suggest it was one of these scenarios.
1.) Neightbour was actually shouting to partner, 'its 9pm I'm going to bed' or 'it's 9pm you'd better get to bed (early start next day perhaps.)
2.) Your daughter was actually being really loud and they were fed up with it and said out loud in frustration 'its 9pm, go to sleep'.

From what you described it does not sound like they had an actual conversation with her through the wall so its highly unlikely they were actually talking to her.

@Chocolatelavender @PumpkinPie2016 and @HectorlovesKiki

Honestly, I think the 3 of you are ridiculously ott about this. It's hardly grooming territory. Sure, if the neighbour was having a full-blown conversation with the child, you might have a point but they only said, presumably in irritation with the noise, that it was time for bed.

Equally, if they'd yelled at her to shut the fuck up or similar, then you would be reasonable to ask them to discuss issues with you.

If they were trying to sleep then a child chatting would be disruptive. I know it would keep me awake as I need quiet to sleep, one of the reasons I've in a detached house well away from traffic.

roseblossom75

These posts about needing permission to talk to a neighbours child confuse me. what is accpetable. If I see my neighbours little girl playing out I wave and smile to her. I am usually in my garden at around 6.30pm with my dog. She taps on her bedroom window (she's obviously just off to bed) and I wave and shout 'night night neighbour child' and she shouts night night to me and night night doggy.

Is that weird and unacceptable? She knows who I am and I am on 'hello how are you' over the garden fence terms with her Mum.

It's an awful shame if you can't be friendly to children now - I'm not a child snatching wierdo, but maybe I shouldn't encourage her ?

I wish my neighbours would do this. Pretty sure my daughter would listen to them better than she does me!

You're fine @KurriKurri.
There are, (3 on this thread) some very paranoid parents out there who aren't the norm.
Carry on being friendly.

@theymademejoin I didn't know I was a groomer I best ignore my neighbours' children and relations' neighbours' children when they say "Hello" to me and engage me in conversation when they are playing or with their grandparents.

@BlueBug45 - I wasn't suggesting you were a groomer!

In my post I said Sure, if the neighbour was having a full-blown conversation with the child, you might have a point

The "might have a point" was to suggest that it would depend on the content of the conversation rather than suggesting that all full-blown conversations were in grooming territory. I would hope that you, when having conversations with random small neighbours, would stick to relatively safe topics.

@KurriKurri - that's completely normal behaviour. It's called being neighbourly :-)

I'm awaiting the thread from my neighbour.

"Is it appropriate that my neighbour screamed "It's half past six Shut Up!!!" to my children without my permission...."