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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbor talking through ajoining bedroom wall to my 4yr old.

171 replies

Chocolatelavender · 11/06/2018 13:06

My 4 yr old dd came out of her bedroom to tell me 'it's 9 o'clock time for bed.' It was 9:15pm. I asked her how she knew it was 9 o'clock. She told me a voice through the wall told her it was 9 o'clock go to bed. Sometimes, dd can't get to sleep and chats to her dolls while lying in bed. Sometimes she gets up multiple times and comes into the lounge room and I have to take her back to bed. Many times she comes into my bedroom and co-sleeps. Lots of children go through stages like this so I'm not worried about that. I am worried that someone I don't really know thinks it's ok to talk to my daughter through her bedroom wall. Aibu to be concerned about this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolatelavender · 11/06/2018 17:27

IamXXHearMeRoar thanks for your suggestions. I rent so I might have to be creative with soundproof that isn't a permanent fixture. Fish tank is a good idea. I play a relaxing sleep CD on low volume already so that with the sound of bubbling filter in fish tank and moving her bed might solve issue. It's almost 2 am and I can hear neighbors chatting and my bedroom isn't adjoining wall to their unit so soundproofing is definitely an issue. For other posters when I said I couldn't hear my daughter I was watching a TV program so if she's talking to her dolls in a normal speaking voice (her normal speaking voice is soft) then I can't hear her when other noise like tv is on. However, when she is being loud I can hear her even with TV or music playing. I can hear the neighbors normal speaking voice too unless I have TV or music playing. Lots of assumptions being made in this thread. I don't doubt my daughter. If they said to each other it's 9o'clock go to bed then I wouldn't hear them chatting now. They would be asleep. As for my dd coming out to me at a quarter past 9 telling me that it's 9o'clock doesn't mean she heard it and immediately came out to tell me. I asked her how she knew it was 9o'clock, she told me that she heard its 9o'clock go to bed through the wall. Really can't see why she made that up and it coincides with being just past 9o'clock. Whether you believe that neighbor talked to my dd through her bedroom wall or not, do you really think that it's ok to talk to a young child through their bedroom wall when they hardly know you? She didn't want to go back to her bed and grabbed her pillow from her bedroom and fell asleep in my bedroom within a few minutes after telling me what had happened. I also, know plenty of parents who have young children who lie in bed and chat away until they fall asleep.

OP posts:
Bibesia · 11/06/2018 17:28

You seem absolutely determined to assume that the only possibility is that the neighbours were talking to your child. As you didn't hear what was said, how on earth do you know that they weren't talking to each other or to someone else,? Or that they were saying it without thinking they would be heard? If that is the case, you are going to appear a total loon if you go round there asking them not to talk to your child.

Haffiana · 11/06/2018 17:34

I think you should speak to the Daily Mail. They require even less evidence than you seem to do.

Original poster
Chocolatelavender · 11/06/2018 17:34

likeacrow

YABU. They were calling out for your child to be quiet, not having a full blown conversation with her. 9pm is late!
It's 2:30am here and those neighbors are still awake and chatting. I can hear them. Hardly believe that they were disturbed at 9pm by my dd chatting. And I'll reiterate knock on the door like civilized person and discuss your issue with the parent.

OP posts:
CaptainKirkssparetupee · 11/06/2018 17:36

Well you seem to know what happened and nothign people say is going to change that, good for you.

You could have saved yourself a whole evening of peoples opinions.

Bookemdannoplease · 11/06/2018 17:36

Was yr daughter scared OP? You could mention it to neighbours that might stop them. Perhaps u should mention that u know the walls are thin as u can hear them too... Blush

PotatoesDieInHotCars · 11/06/2018 17:44

Maybe they were planning to have sex and didn't want your daughter to hear/put them off.

likeacrow · 11/06/2018 17:53

Why are you asking strangers online whether you're being unreasonable? You vclearly think you're being reasonable, which is your prerogative, and you don't seem to want to accept any alternative views. As a pp said, you could have saved yourself a whole evening of hearing strangers' opinions! Just do what you want to do.
I think you're in the wrong though. Grin

Atthebottomofthesea · 11/06/2018 18:05

So you can hear them through the wall so presumably they can hear you and your dd.

I have in the past moaned into the air about stuff so could say 'it's 9pm go to sleep' into the wind.

If you are going to go round I think you need to approach it by asking if your child is disturbing them and maybe say she thinks the walls are talking.

It will be easy to clear this up without making it into an issue.

SimonTheIceKing · 11/06/2018 18:19

Personally I'd wait until I heard them having sex again then I'd shout "it's x pm/am, time for bed!"

GiantPandaAttacks · 11/06/2018 18:30

I've ignored my gut instinct it turned out to have been right even without anything really substantial.

Ah, well don’t let the logic of the other posters stop you from basically accusing your neighbours of grooming your child. As they must be, obvs. None of the actually realistic suggestions given can be correct when you have gut instinct Hmm

Hotdogjumpingfrogs · 11/06/2018 18:34

I believe what you say op. Clearly they don't go to bed early so why would they even be annoyed at your daughter being up at 9pm.

They probably said it as a joke, which I don't think is funny but people do weird things and if they don't have kids they might not realise how weird/creepy this is.

I would let this one slide. If it happens again go over and talk to them. Give them the benefit of the doubt that they were only messing around and not trying to scare your dd or groom her or somthing. Explain that it's scaring her but if there is noise disturbing them then you can look to sound proof/move her bed.

IamXXHearMeRoar · 11/06/2018 19:52

Supportive post from Iamtryingtobeshithere!

IamXXHearMeRoar · 11/06/2018 19:59

I would also check with the council if your landlord has permission to split the house because it doesn't sound very approved standard! May give you some leverage to get proper walls.

BasilFaulty · 11/06/2018 20:54

This is so bizarre and probably a complete non issue.

Rosierosa15 · 11/06/2018 22:51

Even if they don't go to sleep early, your daughter could still be disturbing them. My neighbours kids are loud all evening and it drives me mad, even if not going to bed.
They are hardly talking to your daughter if it's been one comment and sounds as though it wad said out loud in frustration, I'd imagine, rather than directly to her.

Original poster
Chocolatelavender · 12/06/2018 01:01

*GiantPandaAttacks
Ah, well don’t let the logic of the other posters stop you from basically accusing your neighbours of grooming your child. *

Since when are assumptions considered logic? I never accused them of grooming my child. I never stated that I would march on over there accusing them. I will probably ask them about what my daughter told me, casually, and see how they respond.

CaptainKirkssparetupee
Well you seem to know what happened and nothign people say is going to change that, good for you.

How on earth could anyone who wasn't here be so certain it didn't happen as I've described? You have a crystal ball or something under that bridge? No?

I asked a genuine aibu question not a debate on whether or not it happened or opinions on my child's assumed noise level. I asked if I am bu to be concerned about someone speaking through the bedroom wall to my daughter. I meant that genuinely. Not a debate on whether it happened or not or if she's disturbing them. In pp I mentioned that I have asked them if we are disturbing them and they have said no. In pp I mentioned that they seem friendly we say hello they say say hello to dd and tell her she's so cute. I'm not accusing them of being sinister I just feel uncomfortable with adults I don't know very well talking to my dd through the wall, if that is what happened.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolatelavender · 12/06/2018 01:07

Thank-you Hotdogjumpingfrogs. You are probably right. Will definitely look into a way to soundproof and rearrange her room. It is very tiny bedroom so will have to get creative Smile

OP posts:
Flatearthersphere · 12/06/2018 01:13

I have no idea why people are jumping on you.

If the neighbours can hear your daughter chatting.... So what? They have no right to talk to her. She is talking, not screaming or laughing.

I would have a word and say its creeped her out and it's not normal behaviour. It would be a bit of an overreaction but it would stop it happening again.

One of my neighbours kept staring and frowning at my child when he was laughing at 12pm outside and when it started to upset my son I asked the man if he always stared at little boys. Never happened again.

Original poster
Chocolatelavender · 12/06/2018 04:13

Thank-you Flatearthersphere. That's awful that people feel it's ok to stare and frown at a child laughing and playing. Glad you put a stop to it.

OP posts:
OliviaStabler · 12/06/2018 04:46

YABU. If they did indeed tell your dd to go to sleep through the wall, then that means she was disturbing them and that should be your concern. She clearly doesn't talk as 'softly' as you think.

AjasLipstick · 12/06/2018 05:14

Olivia they do not have the right to infringe on the child's privacy or the OP's sense of personal safety and privacy.

If they can say "go to sleep" then they can say anything and it is HIGHLY inappropriate.

Flatearthersphere · 12/06/2018 06:13

So what if she's disturbing them? It's not a crime to be heard by your neighbours when you clearly have thin walls. And you have to just tolerate it unless they are being anti social.
I would make them feel really weird for doing it....

londonrach · 12/06/2018 06:31

Ott op. Its not a conversation. Sounds like something they maybe said to each other. I wouldnt say anything now but monitor if anything else is said

SoupDragon · 12/06/2018 07:22

They have no right to talk to her.

It’s hardly talking to her. They could have been talking to themselves in exasperation not realising she would hear. It’s not like they’ve recited the whole of Go the Fuck to Sleep to her.

If they can say "go to sleep" then they can say anything and it is HIGHLY inappropriate.

They could, but they didn’t. This is blowing it all out of proportion.