AIBU for hating the Pampas advert thanking midwives.

[ToadsforJustice]

I didn't have a positive experience with any of the MW I had the misfortune of seeing whilst having my DC.

I find the advert really triggering. I don't think I would thank anyone for the misery and pain they caused me.

The pampers adverts are aimed at first time mums to be anyway not current mums. They need to show it all lovely and fluffy suckers you in as a first time mum to be.

However Midwife’s deserve all the thanks they can get, working long shifts without breaks, violent/abusive patients with crap pay for a job that comes with huge responsibility and doctors that often just dismiss what they are telling them. If they don’t act you or your baby could die that’s a lot of weight on their shoulders for 25k, a manager job at mc Donald’s locally was advertised for 32k imagine if they all left to tell people how To flip burgers for more money and less hours where would pregnant women would be left.

I don't hate midwives.

I had a wonderful induction and birth with DS2 thanks to the amazing women who looked after me. I couldn't praise them enough.

But I honestly can't understand how any midwife can read some of these devastating stories and feel hard done themselves rather than anger towards the people in their profession who have clearly let these women and their babies down.

Obviously I am really upset for these women, I have helped lots of people through the complaints process in various areas of the hospital - about domestic staff, porters, doctors etc so i know these things happen.

But yes, I feel hard done by when I read people saying we shouldn't be thanked as we're getting paid for it, or that there is a problem with the profession, because it's insulting and quite frankly untrue.

Agree Igorina there are great midwives/nurses/doctors however there are also bad ones, sometimes it feels like just because people work for the NHS they are above any criticism and that should not be the case.

Yanbu - my midwife point blank refused to let me have an epidural even though I was 10cm dilated for 5 hours. The midwife who took over though was lovely, saw the problem and whisked me off to theatre. I hate to think what could have happened if she hadn't have taken over.

Although I have had relatively easy labours I can honestly say I've never had a good midwife. I have three children and with my younger two I was told that I either wasn't in labour (Ds2 was born an hour later) or that I would be in labour for ages yet (Ds3 was nearly born at home due to this). I wasn't even examined!

My sister is currently pregnant with her first baby and due to lots of different reasons has decided not to breastfeed. She was made to feel like utter shit.

Her DP works away Monday-Friday and she was asked if she was going to be able to cope with a baby when it's here as she already seemed over emotional. She's due to give birth next month ffs!

There are definitely some major problems within the profession I'm afraid.

From pregnancy right through until the care women receive after they give birth. Mumsnet better postnatal care campaign here

It's not personal it's just a fact.

I also had an emotional reaction to that advert. I think it was because it showed scenes of actual labour. It may be unreasonable but you can't help how you feel. All of Papmper's target market are in the position of having recently given birth so they should have expected that some people would have an emotional reaction to it.

My midwife told me I wasn't in labour without examining me and I was left on my own until the baby's head emerged covered in meuconium. I had very good care from the community midwife if I had had someone like her when I was in labour it would have made a huge difference.

I do agree with the idea of thanking midwives as having someone who makes you feel cared about makes a huge difference. However I think the advert was a bit off. They had to change the one they did last year in NICU as lot of people were upset by them using I'm coming home as the music.

YANBU. I don't care how stretched they are, my midwives were awful and nearly cost both my son and I our lives. I will never forgive them.

Maybe Pampers should stick to making advertisements telling us about nappies and wipes?

An outrageous idea, I know considering that's what they make.

I was very lucky with the midwives who attended to me and then DS during the 8 days I spent in hospital to have him. Especially after he was born and I was desperate to go home but we couldn't as he wasn't well enough. It actually struck me that I couldn't do their job - finding the strength for such empathy and kindness when you've been on your feet for 12 hours, dealing with very complicated situations.

However, I don't like that advert either. DS's birth and the first week of his life in hospital are not happy memories and any time I see one of those wee plastic cots, or an over the bump heartbeat monitor I feel sick. I burst out crying when I accidentally put OBEM on and had to turn it off.

I think Pampers should know better than to present images which will bring back traumatic, visceral memories for many women as a warm and fuzzy means to sell their (leaky) nappies.

I accidentally had a poo during labour whilst bent over the bed. The midwife looked at me in utter disgust. I'll never forget the look on her face. It's not like I usually go around shitting myself ffs. I was mortified!

Until I was pregnant, I'd generally had positive (fortunately very few) experiences with HCPs.

However, I found more than 50% of the community midwives to be very patronising. It's as if some of the mums to be they met were a bit thick so they decided to treat every mum to be like that.

I'm not particularly precious so could deal with that, just rolled my eyes after I'd left the room. The team who delivered my first baby were great, sought permission for everything, looked after me very well.

However, the midwife delivering my second baby was rude, abrasive and patronising from the moment she walked in the delivery suite. I was induced so in a lot of pain from the beginning but she did absolutely nothing to put me at ease - I got the impression that I was a great inconvenience to her. Although I was grateful that she helped me deliver a healthy baby, my main memory of my labour was what a dreadful midwife I had.

A previous poster (a medic, I think 🙄) blamed women for expecting a pain free water birth and said we blamed the HCP when this didn't happen. What a load of rubbish - from being children, most of us have been told how painful childbirth is. We absolutely do not expect a pain free labour - what we do expect is to be treated with a modicum of respect and dignity, which does not happen often enough.

I would thank my midwives personally but I feel the advert is very triggering - I was left traumatised by my birth and the 12 hours of labour thank you midwife advert at Christmas had me in tears 14 months after my birth!!

All my midwives were amazing, they all got me through my labour and after care. I saw the advert today and it made me upset, im 9 weeks pp and had a traumatic birth with failed ventouse and forceps which was the worse pain I've ever felt, and the dr kept trying even thou I was screaming and begging him to stop, to then have a emergency c section. Her head was to big to fit, so they were forcing me to push and pull out something that would not have come out for 2 hours. the advert brought back those horrible memories and the fact i missed out on a natural birth n been able to have my baby put in my arms straight after birth.
I've now just gotta dodge this advert...

I also remember going to the anti natal unit when I was getting unusual pains. My fil took me because my dh couldn't make it. My fil was in his 70s and I was a young looking 23 year old. The midwife called me in to put me on a monitor and said "your partner can come too" giggling to herself. I was so young and timid I didn't say anything but my fil stayed in the waiting room. I then heard the midwives giggling to themselves in the room next door about me and my "old partner." Oh if that happened now being older I'd soon have something to say and tell them to not be not bloody rude!

I know women do have babies with much older men but my fil was 50 years older than me!! So you would think they wouldn't assume he was my partner! In fact it would be less offensive to say "your father can come in too.." and not take the piss in the next room!

Yanbu and the shitty replies from the medics on here dismissing all the women who find it upsetting to be reminded of what they needed and didn't have in labour need to take a look at themselves I leave the room when that advert comes on.

I had a horrible time with my 1st, it was never going to be fun and I knew and fully accepted that, but to be treated with an ounce of kindness or made to feel anything other than a nuisance would have made the whole experience a lot less awful. With dc2 I had a wonderful midwife with me and I was so grateful to her. I sent her a thank you card afterwards and emailed the department to say how great she was so don't think that I hate all midwives!

YABU.

We should never thank anyone just because someone else had a bad experience with that group?

I hate the advert and I’m a midwife. Though my reasons for hating it are along the same lines of seeing my colleagues posting pictures of gifts etc they get with the hashtag #blessedtodomyjob, and my hatred of the word deliver (the woman births, I just catch).

I’m sorry some of you have had such horrible experiences. I was left pretty traumatised by my first and it’s that what made me want to be a midwife. I never want anyone to feel like I did.

One told me off about being brought in by ambulance... At 8 months pregnant. After I had collapsed and fainted after vomiting while in absolute agony and my husband watched me totally collapse on the bathroom floor. He called the ambulance oddly enough

I went in for the same thing a few weeks later (by taxi this time!) only to be sent home for 'not being in enough pain'. I was also in full blown labour when they sent me home with contractions lasting 2 minutes with 30 seconds between them and was crawling out the main door sobbing.

Turns out I was having a gallstone attack and had severe preeclamsia too that the 'consultant' described as 'the baby's head being in my ribs'... which was odd as he had been engaged in my pelvis for a frigging week and had been head down his entire gestation I nearly lamped him.

I had a home birth. With gas and air. But nearly died from blood loss afterwards so was transferred back in. My elective midwife (a service offered locally to the area) was a superstar and got me transferred immediately and had to correct the midwives there several times upon arrival. Turned out they had been phoning me several hours later after sending me home (in full blown labour) to come in and be induced because my protein levels were sky high - No shit when you have a huge gallstone stuck and early stage liver failure . Except they were calling my mobile when I was giving birth ... to induce me ... and it wasn't exactly with me in the birthing pool.

The midwives who treated me on the ward were lovely, but that was because they had to be nice after such a huge fuck up. The MIU or whatever that area is called is ABYSMAL and probably do 10x more harm than good. No one would listen when I said my BP was normally very low so a 'normal' BP would be very high for me and that my swollen feet were not just fat, they were severely swollen (I have very skinny legs and feet even though I'm a bigger girl). No one listened when I said I was in agony and genuinely terrified and felt like I was going to die.

A majority of the midwives and 'natal staff we saw were dismissive, lazy, think they 'knew' they were right, when they were very very wrong, and the worst 'specialists' I have ever had the pleasure of being treated by - and have been the main starting point for the shittest year of my life and my PTSD that has me waking up screaming and sobbing every other night. Which they could have prevented on that first night... instead of giving me two pain killers and basically telling me to piss off out.

And I hope they read this, I really, really do. And I hope they think twice next time. And I hope they go to sleep worrying about it.

Before they kill a mother or a child through dismissiveness. Or worse, both.

Oh and for anyone reading the above in my area who is pregnant, that was Liverpool Women's.

Avoid like the fucking plague and go to Whiston if you can.

YANBU and YABU

I endured shit treatment during birth. It pisses me off to see all the depictions of these lovely, supportive, encouraging and smiley midwives and maternity staff when soo many of us do not experience anything like it.

But at the same time I do think it's important for the good midwives to feel appreciated and valued in what they do. Having received poor treatment during birth has made me realise how much of a difference could have been made if staff had behaved differently so good, kind and supportive midwives need to know what difference they make

I'm glad they have included a caesarean birth in the latest advert though, a lot of women weren't happy with the Xmas advert for consisting purely of straightforward vaginal births

YANBU, it’s an irritating ad. I’ve met one amazing midwife who was empowering, understanding and also works in research, and others who have said delights such as “don’t breathe on me” and “you’ve got a baggy cervix”. Also, midwives can support, catch, monitor etc but mother’s deliver/birth their babies.

The advert took me right back to dds birth.
I have chosen to never have another child due to the treatment from them.

I was found to have step b before i went into labour. No one told me till i got to hospital.
This meant i was meant to have antibiotics through an Iv as soon as i was in full labour.

I was in a ward with other women, my mom and dp were doing shifts to sit with me.
They did one examination when i came in. I was two cm.
They refused to exam me for hours. It was so humiliating, being in full labour, in agony. Screaming and crying in full view of other women and there partners.
Five hours i was left.

I was finally examined because my mom got involved.
She marched up and shoved her hand inside me mid contraction. No warning.
She was pissed off.
Suprise suprise i was in full blown labour. Too late for anti biotics.

Not one person told me what could happen with strep b. I had to google. I spent months watching dd constantly. Waiting for her to die.

So no big dramas but just by not listening and being lazy this fucker has affected my whole life.