AIBU for hating the Pampas advert thanking midwives.

[ToadsforJustice]

I didn't have a positive experience with any of the MW I had the misfortune of seeing whilst having my DC.

I find the advert really triggering. I don't think I would thank anyone for the misery and pain they caused me.

Of course your being unreasonable, I lost my dad and I have to see endless Father’s Day adverts, every where!!! Sorry you had a bad experience but midwifes do a brilliant job most of the time.

I had a trifecta of nasty midwives when in labour with my first child - a student who seemed to think gaining consent was optional, her supervisor who was too busy being condescending (& then deeply unpleasant when she discovered I was a medic) to do anything about it & the final one who was so awful I made a complaint about her. She was struck off many years later, no doubt she'd done more harm by then. My treatment by them indisputably triggered a whole host of mental health issues.

I don't hate midwives (my mum is one!) but I did actively avoid them - in subsequent pregnancies I saw only obstetricians & I had ELCS x3 - I'm glad my childbearing years are over & I'll never have to think about them again.

They had a similar advert at Christmas just after my sons horrific birth. It used to make me cry every time. I've just seen the new one. I averted my eyes and played with my son, but I didn't cry. Hate them though

Balthazarsbonnet, my misery and pain were caused by the the MWs that forced my legs into stirrups and gave me an episiotomy without consent or discussion. My DCs have only brought me joy.

Oh, and nothing to do with the midwives. Just the birth itself. Seeing other women "giving birth" is not what I want to see now!

What JellyBears said.

YANBU for feeling the way you do about the midwives you’ve experienced, but you’re being very unreasonable to project that onto an entire profession and suggest that none of them deserve public thanks because a minority of women might get upset.

It’s not about tarring the whole profession, it’s about not pretending that births are like on a soap, 20 mins of sweating and 2 pushes. When I was in labour I needed to push and the midwife said no way cause I hadn’t been in labour long enough. She checked when insisted and straight away apologised. No problem there , she was professional. But the one who asked me less than 8 hours post partum how I was going to afford to raise a baby when I couldn’t even afford a car seat, was not professional. (I had a car seat just didn’t feel the need to lug it up to the ward when it be got easily when we were ready to go). She told my mum I wasn’t getting discharged because they didn’t want me replaced with someone they needed to look after. All the other staff were run ragged but in 2 days I never had my blood pressure taken, stitches checked or latch checked.

IMO, I don't see why anyone should get public thanks for doing a job they are paid to do.

I roll my eyes when I see the advert. I have no doubt there are lovely midwives, I’ve met a couple in Ante-natal care but the midwives who delivered my girls were awful. I know it’s the norm for them to see women in labour (& pain) but I don’t think you should do the job if you are not caring, kind or reassuring.

Leaving aside the personal experience of midwives, I don’t need anyone to say thanks on my behalf, particularly a large corporation cynically doing it in advertising. And I can’t help but think of the mothers and families that don’t have the birth and “perfect little baby” portrayed.

OP - they put your legs in stirrups and gave you an episiotomy because you were in labour, and presumably your baby needed help coming out quickly to prevent brain damage or death.

The midwives who were with you and helping you while you were giving birth didn’t get you pregnant, and I can imagine they certainly would have preferred to be doing something else. They didn’t do it for fun, or to be ‘nasty’. And you didn’t have to pay a penny, the NHS is free!!

What do you think birth is? What do you think would have happened if they hadn’t given you an episiotomy? I’ll tell you - you might have had a severe 3rd or 4th degree year through the walls of your recriminations, and/or your baby may have developed cerebral palsy or other problems.

You need to try and gain some perspective on this. I imagine you had unrealistic expectations of birth, and are now projecting your disappointment and anger into the midwives who were trying to help you.

Recriminations - rectum 😂😂😂

Gosh Toads, so you NEVER even thank shop assistants, bus drivers etc etc because they are PAID to do their job! Hmm! What a miserable attitude to life! And this thread is very depressing. So many negative experiences.

Well IMO they don't get enough praise. Sometimes they need to do things quickly to save you or your babies life, whether it's on your birth plan or not! You're free to freebirth if you so wish.

Personally, I find it galling when actors are lavished with all sorts of awards for doing their jobs but highly trained surgeons and medics get very little recognition.

I'm talking about public not individual thanks.

Thanks for your feedback Balthazar. I just thought it might be reasonable for HCP to seek consent before an invasive procedure. I know I need to seek consent in my role as a nurse.

so you NEVER even thank shop assistants, bus drivers etc etc because they are PAID to do their job! Hmm! What a miserable attitude to life!
I was thinking that. I love it when our students thank me at the end of a lesson. I also thank them for producing excellent work or for making a lesson really enjoyable
I also thank shop assistants, bus drivers, doctors etc too. Why wouldn't you thank someone and have manners.

Some people are miserable.

Well if you’re a nurse then you’ll know that when a baby’s brain is being starved of oxygen, you have perhaps 1-2 minutes before serious brain damage is done. That doesn’t give you much time to enter a lengthy discussion about consent, explain the pros/cons, check understanding and get the procedure done. And then add in someone who isn’t thinking rationally due to pain/distress, has no medical knowledge or is extremely sleep deprived.

If you’re a nurse, then you know the stress health care proffesionals are under, the worry about a complaint, about doing something wrong, about being involved a serious incident.

If you’re a nurse, you know it’s a massive pain in the arse doing the sorts of procedures, and something you only do as a last resort or if you really need to. Same with a lumbar puncture/cannula etc. The difference in childbirth is your have literally a minute or two to save a life, or save a women’s continence, or prevent serious injury. The healthcare proffesionals act in good faith that they are acting in the woman and baby’s best interests, even if there isn’t time to explain it.

I’m a medic, and threads like this really piss me off. If you truly are a nurse, I would expect you to have more empathy with the people involved, and an understanding that pregnancy and childbirth is risky and painful, and that things can and do go wrong, without it being anyone’s fault.

I’d recommend you get a birth debrief and have some counselling so you can gain some perspective on what’s happened.

YANBU. Bad midwife experiences are quite common in Britain. Really not a clever advertising campaign.

’d recommend you get a birth debrief and have some counselling so you can gain some perspective on what’s happened.

Yep pretty much sums up the dismissive attitude I've come to expect from HCP.

So well said Balthazarsbonnet!

YANBU OP. My first son nearly died due to the incompetence of not one, but two horrid midwives. They were rude, brash, insensitive, and harsh and nothing like the seemingly very caring ones portrayed on One Born Every Minute. They gave inconsistent advice, repeatedly. One berated me after DS was born for leaving him to sleep. The next one told me never to wake a sleeping baby. I couldn’t win. Awful experience.

I thought you were a medic Balthazar. Your compassion gave it away.

I appreciate you taking the time to tell me AIBU. I did ask the question after all.

What's dismissive about having a debrief potofmemories?

My god, @balthazar is definitely right, the effects that hypoxia has in even 2 minutes on a fetus can be devastating, i dont' mean "needs a bit of resus" devastating, i mean cerebal palsy or stillbirth devastating. sometimes it's really hard to get consent when you need that baby out NOW and a section isn't an option because the baby is too far down. sometimes, if you spent 5 minutes explaining to a woman why you need to do the episiotomy, explained all the risks and benefits, and etc etc then by the time you'd finished all that the baby would be dead. i've never had to do an episiotomy without consent but who knows how i would act to save a woman and baby's life.

For the people saying we shouldn't be thanked - we are on a shocking wage considering the work, stress and risks we are put through. i haven't had a break at work for 4 weeks and stay late most days. Even for something as simply as doing baby's first bath for parents because i know it means a lot to them - when actually i'm not getting paid and could be stuffing my face with a mcdonalds on my way home so that i can crash on my bed and go straight to sleep when i get home, because i'm back in 7 hours time again. I think all nurses, doctors, firefighters, police, midwives, people in the army etc should be thanked because these jobs take a lot more out of you to benefit others than some jobs with equal salaries. my husband gets paid the same wage for sitting at a computer typing for 7 hours a day, and he thinks it's disgusting!