AIBU for hating the Pampas advert thanking midwives.

[ToadsforJustice]

I didn't have a positive experience with any of the MW I had the misfortune of seeing whilst having my DC.

I find the advert really triggering. I don't think I would thank anyone for the misery and pain they caused me.

Saddened by some of the attitudes on here though.

Women deserve good births, they deserve respect and dignity, they deserve to be treated with the manners we afford to others in every other aspect of life.

They deserve their rights to be respected and consent should be sought wherever possible. Sometimes this can be difficult but that shouldn't be used as a blanket excuse not to ask a woman permission when it is completely possible.

Yes, it's a choice to have a child but that doesn't mean we should lose sight of the fact birthing women are the reason humanity keeps going. They are bringing the next generation of human beings into the world, continuing life. I know it sounds obvious but it's honestly like that is forgotten sometimes.

A healthy baby isn't the only important thing and you cant silence a woman who has had abusive care because the HCPs got her baby out safely. Thankfully this disgusting attitude is beginning to be questioned.

A lot of birthing women are also HCPs in the NHS as well, I dislike the 'us and them' narrative like all women haven't got a clue or something

I honestly can't understand how any midwife can read some of these devastating stories and feel hard done by themselves rather than anger towards the people in their profession who have clearly let these women and their babies down.
Agreed.

Also to the poster telling OP the NHS is free and she didn't pay a penny... pretty sure a vast amount of women giving birth are tax payers who have indeed contributed money towards the NHS

I gave birth on Tuesday, in a situation where both of our lives were in danger. And you know what? I was still treated with respect, asked for consent, and nobody was stillborn or tore through any rectums.

Baby was high risk and started having cord compressions and fetal distress at 10cm. I was asked for consent before a VE, told ahead of time that episiotomy, ventouse, etc might be needed and why. Same thing when ds had to be taken off my chest to the resus thingy, and sent to the NICU (medical problem unrelated to labour). Then when I also had a postpartum haemorrhage the midwife even apologised for how much it hurt applying fundal pressure, while explaining that it was necessary.

Obviously, there wasn't time to sit down and have a big discussion on the pros and cons. But there was time to be caring and respectful as they were preparing, and or at least as they did procedures.

And I guess for my part I was happy to go along and consent for everything immediately, and let the trained professionals take the lead. But that was easy to do when I'd been treated well earlier, and so built up a trusting relationship with the midwives.

So there we are. A super scary birth (for me), with a lot of hurried invasive procedures, but good commuication from midwives. It makes a huge difference and I'm actually not traumatised or upset about the birth at all.

@QuickGetTheEggPlants
Yes, this!
A woman could have a 'traumatic on paper' birth like an EMCS yet find it a mainly positive experience and be left with little trauma due to how she was treated.
Another woman could have a straightforward vaginal 'great on paper' birth yet endure shit treatment from staff and be left with PTSD as a result.

The type of treatment a woman receives make a huge difference on how likely she is to develop birth trauma and even PTSD.

Mental health is a huge issue and the consequences can be devastating for women, their partners, their babies and family. So how anyone can be so dismissive of just how important it is that women have as positive an experience of birth as possible I do not know.

Brilliant post, Quick.

It must have been terrifying but I'm delighted you were treated with the care and respect you deserve.

Congratulations btw, I hope you and the wee one are doing well.

The treatment i recieved in hospital having dd was disgusting, traumatic and abusive, so much so it plays heavily on my decision that im one and done, i wont have another kid. My birth was textbook, the treatment and comments from staff were horrific. I was just a nuisance to them

I honestly dont give a crap how they claim to be paid so little or run off their feet. That IS NOT your patients fault and you have no right to take it out on a woman in such a vulnerable position. If you cant hold your tongue or eyerolls, find another job, your only harming women

This thread has made me incredibly sad and even ashamed. As a midwife, I generally feel proud of my job, I work so hard to try to facilitate a good birth for women - it will after all likely be the most memorable day of her life - I work hard to try to make it positive. I don't always get it right, I know that. But I would hope neither myself or any of my colleagues have treated a woman like midwives on this thread have

Oh god yes.

This advert upset me more then the "coming home" video and I didn't get to take my baby home from neonatal.

I've had 5 births, the "best" was on A+E behind a curtain. Maternity ward (wrongly) wouldn't take me as I was 19 weeks. Can't thank the doctors and nurses on that ward that night enough, they made one of the worst nights of my life a bit more bearable.

Apologies to any decent midwives reading, in my profession we get judged on the actions of a few horrible people as well and it's really shit.

How very, very deflating. Not for one second disregarding anything anyone as said as all the experiences are totally valid, but it still feels like the majority of people hate midwives. Which is very sad when you give so much of yourself during a shift that you have nothing left to give at home.

I think the 'coming home' song wasn't a great choice for the premature nappies ad, another Mum on my newsfeed wrote the same thing- that like many mums she didn't get to bring her premature baby home so it was very upsetting to watch an advert that brought back so many memories and emotions but that focussed on bringing the baby back home. I know some will argue that you can't please everybody but I just think with such a sensitive subject matter you need to tread very carefully.

@squeekums
Yes absolutely and it applies in all other jobs too... even if you work on a checkout in a shop for example, you would never make little jokes with your colleague at the expense of the customer who can clearly hear you, you wouldn't roll your eyes and snap at them or make rude and unnecessary comments directed at them whilst they stand there.

That is one of the common things I read women saying if they'd treated their own patients/clients/customers in their own jobs the same way midwives treated them then they'd be sacked.

it still feels like the majority of people hate midwives.

I don't hate midwives at all. But I had bad experiences with the ones I saw in labour.

My local labour ward has been well reported in the press for its failures, several midwives have been struck off, several babies that the know about have lost their lives through incompetence of the midwives. It was horrible dealing with the ward when I was there prior to the government inquiry.
All the midwives had an air of patronising superiority towards me and my fellow patients. They wouldn't listen and were contradicting the obstetricians in some cases. I can't go into any further detail as it would be too outing, but suffice to say there is every reason to evaluate the whole profession of midwives I think. Some, no doubt, do an excellent job, but there are so many horrific stories too.

I saw a lot of midwives during my very long labour.

Some were lovely (particularly the students) and some i found very patronising and rude.

The worst i had was when i was re-admitted 6 days post birth.

On entering the private labour room where i was to stay (not my choice, i just went where told) the head/senior midwife came in and said 'so you have a wee cold?'

She made me feel like a time waster and worthless.

Soon changed her tune when it turned out i had sepsis, fluid on my lungs, severe anemia and stage 3 hypertension.

Its really sad that some midwives are not supportive and understanding as women in labour are at their most vulnerable and scared, the last thing they need is this to deal with.

I want to add my experience to balance out some of the bad.

I ended up with forceps and an episiotomy however I felt well looked after and the midwife who treated me was lovely. The first midwife went off shift 3 hours before DD was born however she came to see us both on the ward the next day which I thought was naice. Neither her or the midwife who took over left my side throughout my entire labour. I felt reassured and truly believed they had mine and DDs best interests at the forefront of their care. They were compassionate and caring and I understood what was going on throughout.

I had a registrar for the actual delivery and she was amazing. She was a fabulous woman and had a very reassuring sense about her. I asked to be examined as I felt like I needed to push and she appeared in what felt like 10 seconds flat. She examined me and announced in her Jamaican accent "right Ready, it's time to have a bambino" at the top of her voice.

I was pushing for a loooooong time and couldn't quite get DD under my pelvis, the forceps were out and she told me she was going to do a "little cut" but I didn't care, I trusted her - that's how she came across. DD came out and I lost a lot of blood, I needed two units.

I received breastfeeding support on the ward and my midwife demonstrated how to put DD into a car seat safely before being discharged as I was worrying I hadn't done it correctly.

So whilst my labour wasn't straight forward or what I would have chose for my birthing plan, I still view it as a positive experience and would do it all again at the drop of a hat. I believe that's down to the particular set of HPs I was lucky enough to have look after me.

On a weirder note, a doctor came to see me the following day to check my stitches and randomly shoved my piles back in without giving me any warning . That was a bit grim.

to all who had a shitty experience, I was very fortunate.

I had a straight forward emcs but there was a lot of very dangerous additional factors involved and frankly everyone was surprised how well it went.
In terms of midwives, I was in hospital so long I think I'd under the care of every single one (small hospital) they were all brilliant, the head midwife even came in on her day off just to check on me as she'd been worried for days about me. I can't fault most of them. One did make me do too much after my section and then put me on bed rest for pushing myself too soon. My favourite midwife was there when my son was delivered and then asked to be rotated into the NICU early so she could be my son's nurse.
I know some people have bad experiances but the midwives that do an amazing job do deserve a massive thanks. Without them so many people wouldn't be here today

Births are a difficult subject for many so it's not surprising that such an ad would cause pain for some. I think there are many better ways to thank good hard working medical professionals than a large corporation wanting to make money off of people's desire to thank them or by telling people who have dealt with bad or abusive medical professionals that it is our choice or our baby's fault that it happened.

Most medical professionals are lovely, but HCP are still human so you get the bad day ones - particularly with the underfunding going on - and some get the shouldn't be in the profession ones. I've had the great ones who've listened and helped me through hell, but I've also had the ones who verbally, physically, sexually abused me to 'teach a lesson', and the midwives who landed me in the high dependency ward after the birth went fine by yanking on the cord until it and a chunk of the placenta tore off...and while I was being prepped for the OR, one of the midwives brought in was practically singing how about how the hippie was going to get an epidural when someone with the most basic medical knowledge should know you shouldn't give anything spinal to someone with plummeting blood pressure. I literally cried to the nurse who went with me to the OR as she's been the first kind professional to speak to me through the whole ordeal, kindly asked about my daughter and explained to me why I couldn't stop my legs from shaking. I wish I could have gotten her name to thank her afterwards, she was so incredibly helpful during that. I think people like her deserve far more than Proctor and Gamble making money off of their kindness.

I don’t see a single post on here saying they hate the midwife profession. I can’t believe the posters saying along the lines of “get over it” or “you CHOSE to have a baby” or “you’re free to free birth if you don’t like it!”. That’s akin to saying to a war veteran “well you shouldn’t have joined the army if you don’t want ptsd!”

Birth is a traumatic process for a lot of women. Especially when we’ve watched the adverts where midwives are handing a perfect baby to a happy crying mother and we assume that’s what we’ll get at the end of our pain. It isn’t true for a lot of women hence the bitterness, no one hates the profession of midwifery.
There’s a difference between doing what you can in the moment to spare a baby’s life and severely scolding a very tired, emotional, bleeding and post surgery new mother for letting her baby sleep and not waking it up as one midwife did to me. Or another one that told me off for asking her help to change my baby’s nappy when I was in so much pain I couldn’t event stand up. She told me that’s not what the midwives were there for and her tone implied it was cheeky fuckery to ask.

I couldn’t care less what they did with or without my consent during the labour tbh as I just wanted it out, but the after treatment of three of them was appalling.

I have nothing for respect for midwives and the long shifts with little breaks and awful pay. But I will never forget the shitty treatment of a select few and that’s what people on the thread are trying to get across.

@readyforapumelling are you on about a hospital starting with the letter S? I think I know the reg you're on about, if so she's lovely!

@ScarletLouise
Yes absolutely and it applies in all other jobs too... even if you work on a checkout in a shop for example, you would never make little jokes with your colleague at the expense of the customer who can clearly hear you, you wouldn't roll your eyes and snap at them or make rude and unnecessary comments directed at them whilst they stand there.
That is one of the common things I read women saying if they'd treated their own patients/clients/customers in their own jobs the same way midwives treated them then they'd be sacked.

Thats it, any other job, one would be sacked, youve nailed it exactly.
Its almost like we as women are expected to just suck up pathetic and in some cases abusive treatment cos "baby", they delivered baby, baby should be only concern.
Not taking into account bad treatment can lead to many things that make caring for a baby almost impossible. Like dd first 24 hours i spent in fear, looking to escape, not knowing what treatment from staff was coming. Thats not how a new mum should spend her kids first 24 hours

I agree with pps who think that unrealistic expectations are at the core of a lot of these rather melodramatic posts.
That and the assumption most pregnant woman on here seem to have that the mere condition of being pregnant seems to turn them into an expert on the condition.
Couple these with the idea - again as seen on MN - that bring pregnant seems to allow you to turn into a princess and is a free pass to all sorts of demands and entitled behaviour.
The result is a perfect storm of disappointment, anger and blame.
Your midwife will have dealt with the birth to the best of her ability but will not have pandered to your whims and demands because, being a midwife, she will know you are not the only woman to have a baby ever, and also that there are probably other women to look after at the same time as you.

Completley agree that some posts are melodramatic.
E.g claiming PTSD because a midwife looked at you funny after you poo’d on the bed (all women do it, can’t imagine she was shocked) or because the midwife incorrectly assumed the 71 year old man. You brought with you to give birth was your partner because you were too timid to correct them.