Because I feel like the worst Mum in the world right now.
Back story is that DD is generally good kid;
she does well at and enjoys schoool, predicted great GCSE results, never been in trouble with school or Police, never been in a fight etc. No issues at home, normal family and household. Can be rude, can answer back, the odd tantrum- normal teenage stuff I guess.
Three weeks ago DD missed school for the first time ever. I was informed and she was spoken to and had her iPhone and internet access removed for a week. She didn’t seem bothered really and couldn’t give any real reason for it. I wasn’t too angry and as it was first time occurance (and I admit I did the same a few times when I was a teenager) we decided to draw a line as long as it didnt happen again.
She then started being rude at home, cheeky, smart arse snippy comments etc. Then a week later she went out for a few hours one afternoon and didn’t get back home until Midnight. I was worried sick, had reported her missing to Police- the works. When she strolled back in she wasn’t phased or upset but she seemed apologetic, she’d been at the park with a friend she knows from her old school. This girl’s parents have told me she has been in trouble before, can be violent, causes lots of issues at home, has a Social Worker due to the above. I told her she is not meet her again. Phone, console, iPad etc all removed for two weeks as consequence for the above.
All seemed fine, she was happy and being good and all was fine at home. Then she walked out and didn’t come home for 4 days. 4 days!!! It was the worst 4 days of my life. She isn’t “streetwise” or tough at all and I was out of my mind with worry that she would be found dead in a gutter somewhere. Reported to Police as missing, they made enquiries whilst we hunted everywhere and spoke to every person she knows.
She was eventually found with this same other girl. I went to bring her home and she refused. She started telling me I had no right to force her home, she wanted a Social Worker, I can’t “lay hands” on her etc. Sounded like a completely different child. I called Social Services and begged for some help, they eventually got someone to speak to her and told her she goes home immediately or into care. She came home but has been vile and rude and swearing and awful since (3 days). After spending time with this other girl she now thinks she knows her “rights” thinks she’s untouchable and that she’s the boss and can do as she likes. I’m beyond mortified and so embarrassed and of course baffled by this sudden change.
I’ve been in contact with Children’s Services and asked for some help perhaps with counselling for her and maybe someone to meet with us as a family
to help facilitate/mediate a discussion as to what is wrong and how we can move forward.
Friday night she had a huge tantrum like I’ve never seen before, screaming, banging, shouting and trashing the house room by room. She was like a crazed animal, I couldnt stop her and when she broke some glass all over the spare room I was concerned for her and her own safety. So I called the Police. They arrived and restrained her and calmed her down. She wasn’t rude or aggressive to them and they said that was very unusual. They gave me the option for them to leave and let it go or take her to the Police Station for interview and processing which would take a few hours. I chose the latter. It was horrible and I was really upset but I couldn’t let her get away with it. I needed her to realise she can’t do as she likes and isn’t in charge, as her and this other girl seem to think. She spent 6 hours at the police station before being dropped back. She hasn’t been charged of course, she won’t get any sort of record or anything even similar but she got a big shock and a good talking down and the Police said she seemed genuinely remorseful after a few hours in a cell. She came home and hasn’t tried to run away again but hasn’t spoken to me since (this was Friday) and has spent the weekend in her room.
Was IBU? Would you have done the same? I feel guilty but equally I feel I couldn’t let her do this without consequences as she’d have no deterrent not to do it again.