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Original poster

I have gone very very wrong somewhere with DD.

526 replies

TokenBritPoshOfCourse · 10/06/2018 11:50

I am mortified. Dd is 14. Last year I got her and ds1 (15) an iPhone SE each, which happened to be the same phone I had.

She broke hers within a month. I paid for it to be repaired and she broke it again (dropped it both times).

DH upgraded his android phone so she was given his old handset (Samsung galaxy). She has done nothing but moan about it really, the camera is ‘shit’, she can’t download stuff she wants, it’s not an iPhone. We have pulled her up on this every time btw.

I have upgraded my phone and the new one (iPhone 8) arrived this morning. DD was hovering wanting to know what the parcel was and I said, ooh, you’ll be happy because this means you’ll have an iPhone again. She rapidly cycled through thinking I meant the new phone was for her, to realising I meant she could have my old one, to hysterical tears and then utter rage at me.

She has stamped her way around the house yelling that I need to apologise to her because I led her to believe she was getting a new iPhone, that it’s not fair I get a brand new phone and she gets my cast offs, that I’m out of order for getting myself a new phone when mine still works and that she deserves a new one before me.

I just don’t know where to go from here. Obviously she isn’t now getting my ‘old’ phone. I am disgusted by her attitude but I don’t know how to fix this. DH wants to take her phone away entirely, and her laptop, camera, tv etc. She is totally spoilt and entitled and I don’t really know what to do. For context ds1 and ds2 (6) have all the same mod cons but a totally different attitude.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this? She’s been sent to her room but is still raging that I need to apologise to her for ‘leading her on’ thinking she was getting a new iPhone 8.

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 10/06/2018 12:06

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MovingThisYearHopefully · 10/06/2018 12:06

As she has learned Iphones are shit & break far too easily. Almost any Android phone is an upgrade. Just leave her to stew for a bit & say no more. She's lucky to have any phone!

llangennith · 10/06/2018 12:07

Peer pressure encourages entitlement. Let her have her strop then you and her (not DH) have a chat and make it quite clear what you thought of her attitude.
Warn her that any further tantrums about devices may result in her having the use of one or more withdrawn.
You have to give children of all ages an explicit warning of the consequences of inappropriate or unacceptable behaviour.

BalloonSlayer · 10/06/2018 12:10

Er she's not old enough to get a Saturday job, you have to have an NI number, which you don't get till 15 and 9 months.

AhoyDelBoy · 10/06/2018 12:13

Humiliated? Oh ffs! Entitled brat, but you know that! Sorry DD how about no phone at all until the privilege is regained through good behaviour. iPhones aren't an essential, it would do her good to grasp that concept.

SweetCheeks1980 · 10/06/2018 12:14

I agree with your husband.

ShawshanksRedemption · 10/06/2018 12:14

Ah she's a teen so from her POV it's not fair etc. Seems to me from what you have said she doesn't understand fully about valuing things and being responsible. She broke her new SE twice and you fixed it both times. This time she is experiencing disappointment/upset/anger and she needs to know that she doesn't get what she wants each time. Let her experience these emotions, don't rescue her from them, and when she is calm you can talk to her about how she can earn things (household chores for pocket money or if available a paper round or leaflet drop, or even voluntary work in the community).

fontofnoknowledge · 10/06/2018 12:14

BallonSlayer....sorry you are wrong. You need an Ni number to pay NI ! No National insurance payable under 16. Doesn't mean you can't get a Saturday job. Large employers won't want them because they can't pay through a payroll it's too complicated but working in a local business that pays perfectly legal cash is allowed.

All mine have worked since 14

Maybe83 · 10/06/2018 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IHaveBrilloHair · 10/06/2018 12:17

Leave her to calm down, and she Will, then a lecture about behaviour, being ungrateful, get her to apologise then let her have the old phone.
Teenage girls can be arseholes, I have a 16yr old one who I want to kill on a regular basis, but she's a great kid deep down

Stopyourhavering64 · 10/06/2018 12:17

My dd went through a period of losing/ breaking phones ...I know she has dyspraxia but goodness!
she was on dh business contract so fortunately insurance covered it at a huge cost
I think the period of 13-18 was the worst for her...raging hormones , testing boundaries, sometimes we wondered what had happened to our lovely girl and dh found it very difficult to communicate with her and her siblings also found her challenging
She eventually got a part time job , which gave her independence and she had to learn time management and how to behave with her elders
She's 21 now, going into final year at Uni, has a large group of friends and has a hard working ethic
Teenage tantrums are so much worse than toddler's!

StepBackNow · 10/06/2018 12:18

I'm with DH, she really needs to be brought into line for her own sake.

Amatullah · 10/06/2018 12:19

I remember getting my mum and dads old phones after they upgraded..and i was very gratefu and i was the same age its nit a teenager thing... youve said it yourself shes spoilt and entitled and the only way to solve that is humbling her. She needs to not have anything and get it back with good behaviour and an appreciative attitutde.
It can go 2 ways she will grow out of the phase and be lovely in a few years. Or she could carry this attitutde with her into adulthood - and she will not be a pleasnt person.

RippleEffects · 10/06/2018 12:20

I'd take the phone off her for 24hrs. Warn her each time she whinges add an extra bit of tech, of your choice for removal.

Once you've run through the tech for removal add time before she gets it back.

SalveGrumio · 10/06/2018 12:21

You haven't gone wrong. I was a dick head when I was 14, and now I'm a reasonable member of society!

MrMeSeeks · 10/06/2018 12:22

Take away her phone and laptop.
She’s ungrateful. She doesn't deserve them.

DistanceCall · 10/06/2018 12:23

She's throwing a tantrum because she thought she was getting a new phone. I would just say, "Well, if you want to keep your current phone, suit yourself." And wait until she comes begging for your old iPhone. And apologising.

No iPhone until she asks for it and apologises for her hysterics.

Also: if she's clumsy and/or careless (as many teenagers are), she should get an iPhone case and a screen protector. I have dropped my iPhone several times, and nothing happened because they were on.

MrsPnut · 10/06/2018 12:23

I agree with everything that Robotcartrainhat has said on here. Being a teenager and a teenage girl to boot is a really difficult time and the swirl of emotions are just impossible to process for them.

Do punish her and definitely don't humiliate or humble her. Be fair and consistent and don't engage in arguments that no-one is going to win.

dillydallybobo · 10/06/2018 12:24

My dd was the same and she did grow out of it.

My 12 year old dd broke hers and although I had insurance there was an excess. I told her how much the excess was (£50) and made her do certain jobs (with a price attached!) to repay the debt Wink

Eg washing dishes was £2, cleaning skirting boards £3 etc etc and she repaid the money. This was she had to work for it and will hopefully be more careful in future!

Dungeondragon15 · 10/06/2018 12:24

I think that this is fairly standard behaviour. You haven't done anything wrong. Just laugh at her and ignore. She grow out of it.

I only give my children new phones as birthday and Christmas presents and also take out insurance on them for a couple of years.

Original poster
TokenBritPoshOfCourse · 10/06/2018 12:26

Well according to the internet I could get anywhere up to £100 for my SE so she can sing for that.

We’ve had a chat but it backfired really, she was all seemingly contrite but then jumped straight to ‘so have you wiped the phone so I can have it?’

That’s when I looked up what it’s worth. And she’s back in her room. Argh.

OP posts:
LIZS · 10/06/2018 12:28

Tough , no way should she be getting a "new" phone after all that even your cast off. No tech until she apologies for her sense of entitlement.

Megabeth · 10/06/2018 12:30

Er she's not old enough to get a Saturday job, you have to have an NI number, which you don't get till 15 and 9 months.

They can do part time jobs from the age of 13. Paper rounds, glass collecting waitressing and Shop work etc

www.gov.uk/child-employment

PlumsGalore · 10/06/2018 12:31

I'm also with your DH, she would have lost the lot.

My DD and DS had my cast offs but they ,managed to break every single one before my next was changed until they paid for their own. First thing DS did when he got his first contract and job was buy a case, four years and two phones later. Not even a scratched screen.

Thespringsthething · 10/06/2018 12:34

Some people seem a bit overkeen on punishment on this thread, why would you take her phone away for a month? Totally bizarre way to handle a rude entitled outburst lasting, what, 20 min?

She went on the defensive as she presumed (for no good reason) she would be getting a new phone from your statement to her. She's in the wrong. Let it blow over. Don't give her the old phone until she's apologized and have a word with her about her entitlement.

No need to escalate into WW3, now, is there?