I have gone very very wrong somewhere with DD.

[TokenBritPoshOfCourse]

I am mortified. Dd is 14. Last year I got her and ds1 (15) an iPhone SE each, which happened to be the same phone I had.

She broke hers within a month. I paid for it to be repaired and she broke it again (dropped it both times).

DH upgraded his android phone so she was given his old handset (Samsung galaxy). She has done nothing but moan about it really, the camera is ‘shit’, she can’t download stuff she wants, it’s not an iPhone. We have pulled her up on this every time btw.

I have upgraded my phone and the new one (iPhone 8) arrived this morning. DD was hovering wanting to know what the parcel was and I said, ooh, you’ll be happy because this means you’ll have an iPhone again. She rapidly cycled through thinking I meant the new phone was for her, to realising I meant she could have my old one, to hysterical tears and then utter rage at me.

She has stamped her way around the house yelling that I need to apologise to her because I led her to believe she was getting a new iPhone, that it’s not fair I get a brand new phone and she gets my cast offs, that I’m out of order for getting myself a new phone when mine still works and that she deserves a new one before me.

I just don’t know where to go from here. Obviously she isn’t now getting my ‘old’ phone. I am disgusted by her attitude but I don’t know how to fix this. DH wants to take her phone away entirely, and her laptop, camera, tv etc. She is totally spoilt and entitled and I don’t really know what to do. For context ds1 and ds2 (6) have all the same mod cons but a totally different attitude.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this? She’s been sent to her room but is still raging that I need to apologise to her for ‘leading her on’ thinking she was getting a new iPhone 8.

*Before that I babysat and did childminding, washed cars, mowed lawns, did people’s shoppjg, did jobs round the home for coins too. A keen kid will find a way to be useful. Let them be innovative!

I wouldn't employ a 14 year old babysitter especially when there are plenty of older teens around, many with cars. Where I live there are plenty of cheap mowing services and car cleaning services run by adults who will do a better job than a 14 year old. People generally shop online if they can't or don't want to visit shops themselves.

Before that I babysat and did childminding, washed cars, mowed lawns, did people’s shoppjg, did jobs round the home for coins too. A keen kid will find a way to be useful. Let them be innovative!

I wouldn't employ a 14 year old babysitter especially when there are plenty of older teens around, many with cars. Where I live there are plenty of cheap mowing services and car cleaning services run by adults who will do a better job than a 14 year old. People generally shop online if they can't or don't want to visit shops themselves.
As with so many other posters you are demonstrating that you don't have teenagers yourself and it is a long time since you have been one. things have changed.

Mine both worked in local cafes/chip shops at 15.

We do use 14 year old sitters, local sensible kids who we know and whose parents are at home local. We do pay kids to mow the lawn and occasionally, to mind our kids in the holidays for an hour or two while I work upstairs. These kids have put leaflets through the doors saying ‘use me’ - and good on them. If you’re driven enough to do that I’ll gladly see what I’ve got you can help me with.

shitholiday is talking about the days before online shopping

Therefore nicely illustrating the point that she or he is a bit out of touch

I'm actually chuckling at fruit picking.

Yes, that was a popular job for children in the 50s apparently.

And I have friends and family with an awful lot of teens, locally and far afield, these are the ones posting leaflets saying use me, so I do see and know loads of teenagers. I think our local teens are encouraged to be independent and earn cash, perhaps because we live in an affluent area where they could easily end up entitled little shits and their parents don’t want that.

I'm planning on encouraging mine to do webcam work. Hey, be creative and all!

It sounds like she was embarrassed by her mistake and so was lashing out at you. teenage girls are so complicated and overly sensitive! Do you give her an allowance? You should encourage her to save up. Could she earn some extra money from you by doing chores? Washing the car, doing the ironing etc.

Why don't u make a checklist of household chores and give her phone back for an allocated time everytime she completes one. For example if she hangs up a wash/folds clothes she gets her phone back for 2 hrs in the evening and the bigger the chore (hoovering=3 hrs, washing or drying dishes=5hrs) the more time she gets. Then after 2 weeks if she has done these chores at least 2 times each then she can have her phone back and must keep it in a case at all times. This will teach her that she needs to respect peoples belongings which you've paid for (clothes, living space) and maybe she will realize how much she wasn't appreciating her phone beforehand by only having it a few hrs at a time rather than 24/7.

Gretol - you seem a bit chippy? I was a teenager in the early 90s so yes that bit is outdated but I am very much in touch with teenagers these days too. As I have said. By all means disagree but please try to be civil.

Hmm I'd try a calm approach,maybe ask dd,does she want you to keep her pocket money aside to save for a new phone? That way it's over to her...her choice if she wants it bad enough,and out of her own money,I'm sure this one wouldn't break as easy!

We do use 14 year old sitters, local sensible kids who we know and whose parents are at home local.

That's up to you. I think that most people would prefer someone with a bit more maturity to childmind/babysit, hence why those jobs generally go to be over 16.

My teenager can be inadvertently hilarious when she's having a strop.
One time she was raging at me overnothing something and came out with the insult, " you're just jealous because I like Coldplay and you don't"
I've never let her forget it.

@ Brillo.

I wouldn't use a 14-year-old sitter, either.

I babysat at 14 and could change nappies, calm a baby etc. My sister was two years older, crap with kids and used to invite her boyfriends over without telling the parents. I know which one I’d rather use hypothetically now.

shitholiday I'm being very civil. You sound rather judgemental and opinionated. You'd do well to remember that not everyone will think your way of doing things is right or desirable, however financially well off you are.

What are @shitholiday2018 and @Gretol arguing about? 😕

Gretol, I was so wrong, clearly you aren’t being chippy at all.

I used the example of being well off to demonstrate that it was earned, from scratch, and that I want my kids to earn their way too. It was pure bloody graft, from very young, which I worry the younger generation are losing out on because we molly coddle them and think they can’t do anything but school because it’s too hard. No it’s not. We are breeding an entitled generation who come into the workplace thinking life owes them a favour. They are just so inexperienced and entitled. They get the piss taken out of them by their working peers and learn a very hard lesson very quickly - how to be humble, what a working day actually looks like, how to get on with other people you don’t like, etc. They get a fucking massive shock I can tell you. It’s really sad.

I wasn’t saying that my wealth denotes being right, as well you know. Stop being ridiculous.

I fully agree with the Ops husband that she needs to learn the hard way. Saying she can earn her own iPhone would be the first lesson in value and self sufficiency and not a moment too soon.

Paper round! Fruit picking!

I'm not sure bextor

Bexter dunno. Who got the most A grades? Who worked the hardest at shit jobs?

You have all of my sympathies, OP. I have a child your age who, in general, is lovely but does have his moody swings which are truly a test to my patience.

My DS did something worse than yours and damaged his SE in a strop (threw it on the floor in a fit of anger). He paid to have the screen replaced with his saved pocket money but it turns out that the damage is more extensive. Whilst the phone works fine, the antenna is damaged so the phone only works like an iPod (wifi works). I have an old iPhone 6 lying around, but I refuse to give it to him due to the cause of the damage to his phone and we also have insurance which would replace his phone which we refuse to trigger. I purchased a brick phone for him - more for me to get in touch with him as he refuses to be seen with it, but I won't replace the damaged phone.

The deal I made with him is that I will trigger the replacement by insurance only when he has proven to me that he is able to have more self control. Yes, this is highly subjective, but I explained that it has to do with my observation of his behaviour and how he responds to challenging situations (i.e., situations he is forced to do what he does not want to do) and how he demonstrates general responsibility. He does have a laptop, but I have not extended the "punishment" to other devices. My objective is to punish, not harshly, yet to place the impetus to resolve the situation on his choices. We'll see how this works out, but at least he told me he understands my decision.

I think the tricky situation with adolescents, particularly young adolescents, is to parent in a way which does allow them some self-determination. Although they might be behaving like toddlers, they are not and to treat them as they are (ie, not giving them some chance to determine their fate), would do them a greater disservice than just caving into their whims.

Haha @Gretol phew....thought it was just me