I have gone very very wrong somewhere with DD.

[TokenBritPoshOfCourse]

I am mortified. Dd is 14. Last year I got her and ds1 (15) an iPhone SE each, which happened to be the same phone I had.

She broke hers within a month. I paid for it to be repaired and she broke it again (dropped it both times).

DH upgraded his android phone so she was given his old handset (Samsung galaxy). She has done nothing but moan about it really, the camera is ‘shit’, she can’t download stuff she wants, it’s not an iPhone. We have pulled her up on this every time btw.

I have upgraded my phone and the new one (iPhone 8) arrived this morning. DD was hovering wanting to know what the parcel was and I said, ooh, you’ll be happy because this means you’ll have an iPhone again. She rapidly cycled through thinking I meant the new phone was for her, to realising I meant she could have my old one, to hysterical tears and then utter rage at me.

She has stamped her way around the house yelling that I need to apologise to her because I led her to believe she was getting a new iPhone, that it’s not fair I get a brand new phone and she gets my cast offs, that I’m out of order for getting myself a new phone when mine still works and that she deserves a new one before me.

I just don’t know where to go from here. Obviously she isn’t now getting my ‘old’ phone. I am disgusted by her attitude but I don’t know how to fix this. DH wants to take her phone away entirely, and her laptop, camera, tv etc. She is totally spoilt and entitled and I don’t really know what to do. For context ds1 and ds2 (6) have all the same mod cons but a totally different attitude.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this? She’s been sent to her room but is still raging that I need to apologise to her for ‘leading her on’ thinking she was getting a new iPhone 8.

Strop, strop, I don't think she stripped.

People paid you to do their shopping

I don’t know ANY teenagers u16 with jobs, and I know a lot of teenagers.

Ds1 does babysit for my sister a couple of times a month and earns £20 a time, but he does this because he adores his cousins and they him, while unfortunately DD and they scrap like siblings so that’s a no go.

Anyway. A job’s not happening so this is all moot.

Lol! Lawyers!

So you needed an excellent academic education then.

My Dd is 16 and would love a job, no where is hiring and shes asked everywhere.

My DD has only just managed to get a fairly decent job on a farm, she's 17 and was so upset she waited ages to get anything. Before that she did work in a soft play centre but she was only just 15 and there was no supervision or health and safety provision, for £4.05 an hour really exploitative and not safe for her or customers - another 15 year old was often left in sole charge (as he looked over 18).

I think its this type of work that some posters are suggesting kids should do. Encouraging isn't it

Yes sorry OP we've gone off topic a bit.

Oh no, chat away about it! It’s interesting (and I’m not the thread police). I just meant people can stop telling me to make DD go out to work, because it ain’t happening.

Yup. We had an elderly neighbour who needed help (a lot of cat food from memory)and an old family friend/aunt close by and our shops were within walking distance. My dad delivered the shopping to the aunt who couldn’t get out as she wasn’t so local.

I sniffed out opportunities because things were not presented to me on a plate. I am so grateful for that now, despite thinking my parents were stingy bastards at the time.

I'm with all those that agree with your husband - she is being a brat and needs to learn her behaviour is unacceptable and her attitude stinks. Not only would I take away all her tech/gadgets/pocket money etc, and tell her exactly why, but would sell the 'old' phone and treat yourself to something (unless you know someone deserving that would be genuinely appreciative to give the old phone to). I would make it clear that from now on she will be expected to earn any cash she wants, save for any gadgets or other treats, and that she should learn that a bit of respect can go a long way. It' all very well thinking she's just a boundary-testing stroppy teenager, but she is a young women who is manipulative, selfish, bad-tempered and disrespectful. If she wishes to be treated more like a young women bordering on adulthood and less like a childish brat she should have to prove herself. I don't think you should blame yourself as she is just trying to get her own way - stick to your guns and do not allow her to manipulate you, or use emotional blackmail, peer comparisons, insincere apologies, tantrums or tears (or any other methods) to get what she wants. This seems to be one of those crossroads in life - I hope she [eventually] takes the right road! Good luck, enjoy your new phone, and ignore her crap for a bit.

Your point Gretol?

We've often helped elderly people in our village with their shopping

It would never have occurred to me to charge them!!

She’s 14 if she wins this one she will own you and sadly this doesn’t end until their about 21
It will also likey cause bad feeling with your dh who will think your a soft toy

Token - what’s your issue with the idea of work? If your child has become entitled it’s an obvious solution.

Where I lived, I was incredibly lucky to have a holiday cottage next door I could clean. Otherwise the nearest job would have been six miles away in the village. Except the paper rounds would all need me to get up at 5am, when the village kids would easily beat me to it. My sisters worked in restaurants - at a huge organisational cost to my parents. My brother worked in a 24hr garage, but only after he'd passed his driving test and could get himself there and back.

I did babysitting, but only from 16 upwards. There were in fact, loads of jobs in the towns and villages (Lake District, lots of seasonal work), but if you couldn't get there you'd be stuffed.

Nipping to the shops for your Aunty isn't a job though it ishelping out and getting a few quid for it a chore really

Because nowadays to get a decent law offer you need an excellent degree. To do an excellent degree you need excellent a levels and excellent gcses. All of which comes with academic work at 14 and not wasting time grubbing around for badly paid random jobs.

LOL@ fruit picking and paper rounds. Hello? The farmers advertise the fruit picking jobs abroad, they don't use British teens for that. Paper rounds, haahaaa. 1990 called, they want you back. Ditto leaflets. There's this handy thing in 2018: it's called the internet. You use apps to get takeaways and their menus. Handy thing, that internet.

Gretol you’ve lost me:

What did your comment about academic success mean?

Re ‘charging’ neighbour - I was a young teen with a burgeoning work ethic, she was very happy to pay me a v small sum to pick up her bits of shopping in the days before online. My parents used to do it for her and it was offered to me presumably because she knew I was saving up for the latest rollerblades/outfit/whatever. I gladly pay our local teens for help and am pleased to be helping young driven kids to learn the ropes about how life works. Guess she felt the same? Glad i wasn’t sitting on my arse playing computer games?

Err kids round here have paper rounds?!

I don’t have an issue with it, at least not as far as being paid for chores.

There are no jobs she could do around here. All the paper rounds are done by retirees, the Co op don’t employ kids, neither do the two pubs (not that I’d let her do that either from my own experiences). Plus the fact that jobs for teens usually involve a shit ton of parental involvement and as I’m disabled and DH works long hours it’s a tie we don’t need.

As I’ve already said, she does household chores in exchange for pocket money and phone contract, as does DS1.

Gretol you obviously missed the bit where I got straight A’s despite working in a supermarket and a restaurant through GCSEs and a levels. Balance. Work hard all through and you don’t need to cram and panic and give up all to academics. And I did have to work - my straight A’s did not come that easy.

I'm actually chuckling at fruit picking.

Well I'm even worse OP. I pay for dds phone and give her money and don't even expect them to do chores for it.

Amazingly they are happy helpful hard working kids

Well done shitholiday

It takes all sorts.

I never indicated that it was a prerequisite to being a nice kid Gretol, But the Ops kid sounds dreadful and like she needs to learn where money comes from.