Friend spends the weekend with me then ‘reviews’ her experience, wtf!?

[Biscusting]

Friend has been good friend during our uni days. We’ve loosely kept in touch over the years, but different career choices, interests, distance and children have pushed us in different directions.

She messages me out out of the blue to ask about staying a weekend with us. We live in an area popular with tourists.

I’m feeling a bit put out, as don’t fancy hosting, but we had no concrete plans and thought it would be a nice catch up.

Anyway she stays we have dinner out one night. She’s spends a day visiting a popular attraction and we have a nice evening in with a selection of nibbles, pizza, cheese and wine etc. Uneventful, pleasant weekend I feel.

Now i’ve just been browsing FB and looked on her page to see if she’d posted any pictures. To find she’d written quite a lengthy post about her stay. I don’t want to copy and paste, but basically it’s along the lines of, ‘had an okay weekend with Biscusting, staying at her place. Found the breakfast underwhelming and conversation with her DH a bit dry.
The sleigh bed in the guest room was too high and I bumped on the wooden edge so often I have a bruise. The room was too small.’.....the WiFi speed was poor at best’

She goes on to critique the decor and waffles on a lot about the tourist attraction she visited. Then ends the post with ‘all in all i’d give her two stars’

Wtaf is this!? Has she mistaken FB for trip advisor and my home for a hotel!?

We don’t have many shared friends, but people have liked her bloody post. 13 people!

Now the thing is she talked about coming back at the end of July for an exhibition and we made relatively firm plans about her return.

AIBU to tell her to jog on?

Block, yes!

My first thought was that she has a strange sense of humour and she may be thinking she's being funny?

It seems a bit odd. Never come across anything like that before!

I would be making it very clear to her that she's not welcome again!

Jeez.

She really needs to get right back to the therapist and discuss her behaviour with them.

Whatever her "condition" is, it presumably does not mean she has no personal or moral responsibility for typing words on a screen on a VERY public forum that were humiliating, rude and ungrateful towards an old friend.

Block. You can't see her posts anyway so return the favour and put her out of your mind now.

“Friendship with you 0/5 would not recommend”

OP perhaps this CF needs it pointing out in terms so simple that even she can understand.

Dear Ex-Friend

You invited yourself to come and stay with us. We were happy to host you and I thought we had had a pleasant time. Unfortunately you then wrote an extremely rude post on Facebook, where it could be seen by mutual friends, criticising my hospitality, my house and my husband. When I raised this with you, you unfriended me. Your hurtful actions have made me see that we are not, in fact, friends. You simply saw me as a convenient source of free accommodation. If you cared about me and my feelings you would not have posted what you did on Facebook. After your comments about my house and my husband it would clearly not be appropriate for you to visit us again.

As much as I am sorry to hear about your mental health issues, I do feel that you need to take some responsibility for how you treat others. I suggest that in future you are more careful about how you behave towards your remaining friends. I wish you all the best for he future.

Biscusting

Wow, so much consideration on how to handle this. If this was me, I would have responded to her review with a message telling her exactly how ungrateful and ungracious she is and not to bother returning for another stay before blocking her. End of. Her MH is not an excuse for being a twat. Many people have depression and anxiety yet manage not to insult others. She sounds manipulative. Block her and get on with your life.

She's being a brat. She tried it as a joke, it backfired. Now she's looking for excuses. Even if she has got mental health issues, you can support her with that in a way that doesn't involve her rating your home or your husband for laughs on Facebook. You don't need to be her free B&B. Plus if she didn't enjoy the breakfast, the conversation, the decor or the bed, what is she coming back for?

Block the cheeky fucker and tell her to piss off. Not before you have screenshot her "review ".

Excellent @LoveInTokyo

OP, please don’t go down the rabbit hole of speculating what CF’s MH condition might be, how it might make her behaviour justifiable etc.

I used to be vaguely related to a family where the bloke was bipolar. He was also a prize arse. Sometimes I seemed to be the only person who could see that these were 2 things. Everyone else seemed to take a perverse pride in wringing their hands and going “It’s his condition, you know.”
But his behaviour seemed calculated to hurt. He insulted customers in a business his DP had mostly built up. He insinuated his stepson was a paedophile, and hit him at one point. The fallout spread: he alternated between indulging and being nasty to his young daughter, and his DP overcompensated so that the girl grew up a spoilt brat. The DP would spend ages on the ‘phone crying to my DP (they were exes) about the latest stuff he’ done - with never a “That’s the last straw!” moment - no, it was always “But he can’t help it!”. I would make suggestions to my DP, which were never acknowledged, and I got fed up with being sucked into the drama.

After a decade of this crap, escalating, the man’s DP finally chucked him out. He’s been rehoused but doesn’t have many friends, and has finally managed to be on friendly-ish terms with his now-ex. Funny how his ‘unhelpable’ behaviour improved once no-one was prepared to put up with it any more.

It's not her MH issues causing her behaviour, to me it sounds very much like narcissistic behaviour - the complete inability to see anyone's else perspective, it's all about HER and her only.

I would block now OP and delete any messages you've already received so that you don't find yourself revisiting them and getting upset repeatedly. Try to put it all behind you from here

Hmmm a succinct response and then block, I think. How about “depression does not give you carte blanche to be nasty to people. Do not contact me again”.

I think this is the cheekiest thing I've ever read on MN. What a total douchebag. Well done, cheeky fucker - no more overnight stays for you! You're well off the hook there OP with such an odious turd of a "friend".

Oh my goodness what a cheeky bint. So you are supposed to take her public abuse of you, and be happy about it. She just isen't a very nice person op, and she only contacted you out of the blue because she wanted free accommodation. With people like that, you have to be direct and quite harsh as they just don't get it. You have every right to be angry at her after what she did to you publically, MH or not! MH condition is no excuse to be a nasty person, and she is. Delete and block her now, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life. If you respond it is really tit for tat, as she does not get it.

I agree, she sounds very narcessistic, and self absorbed.

If you feel like replying, say "I have to think of my own mental health too, and it will suffer if I let you stay. I'm sure you will understand that. All the best xxx"

If you don't feel like replying, block.

Incidentally, use that first response when mutual friends ask you about the situation. Mental health top trumps is always fun when you know the individuals concerned are also being slightly CF (I have a friend like this and have depression of my very own; can you tell?!)

You sound nice Biscusting. She does not.

I would ask her, if she hates your place so much, why does she want to come back for more! Because she does not want to put her hand in her pocket and pay for a hotel or B&B Yes such a good friend, just to contact you out of the blue to ask for something, cheeky user.

Well done with all your replies op. Time to block indeed !

Nobody needs to keep a journal on FB.

If she has MH problems, it doesn't look like depression. You really shouldn't have to put up with people like this who don't care about other's feelings.

Dear CF

Whilst I am very sympathetic to your current struggles and genuinely wish you well, I don't feel that rudeness and ingratitude towards friends are justified or acceptable in any circumstances. You asked for and accepted our hospitality then roundly abused it. Where's the give & take in that? I realise you didn't intend me to see your scathing 'review' but you knew other people who know me would. Depression does not provide a free pass to unkindness.

Maybe it would be an idea for you to give your counsellor an honest account of what has happened here and it might help you to understand that it is never ok to throw friends under the bus of your negative feelings. You are very critical of people who don't 'see' mental health, but clearly gave absolutely no consideration as to how your unkind words might affect the feelings of me and DH.

Again, we enjoyed your company this weekend and wish you well, but we feel it's best that you make alternative arrangements for July.

So right, she said that its about give and take, all I can see is her taking, where is her giving then! God this should be put into Classics on Mumsnet, as she is CF of the year. With friends like that, who needs enemies.

Your response was dignified. Hers was not! If she sees you as such a good friend then why I friend you when you called her out on her post?

Definitely block and move on. Doesn’t sound like much of a loss!