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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend spends the weekend with me then ‘reviews’ her experience, wtf!?

999 replies

Biscusting · 09/06/2018 21:25

Friend has been good friend during our uni days. We’ve loosely kept in touch over the years, but different career choices, interests, distance and children have pushed us in different directions.

She messages me out out of the blue to ask about staying a weekend with us. We live in an area popular with tourists.

I’m feeling a bit put out, as don’t fancy hosting, but we had no concrete plans and thought it would be a nice catch up.

Anyway she stays we have dinner out one night. She’s spends a day visiting a popular attraction and we have a nice evening in with a selection of nibbles, pizza, cheese and wine etc. Uneventful, pleasant weekend I feel.

Now i’ve just been browsing FB and looked on her page to see if she’d posted any pictures. To find she’d written quite a lengthy post about her stay. I don’t want to copy and paste, but basically it’s along the lines of, ‘had an okay weekend with Biscusting, staying at her place. Found the breakfast underwhelming and conversation with her DH a bit dry.
The sleigh bed in the guest room was too high and I bumped on the wooden edge so often I have a bruise. The room was too small.’.....the WiFi speed was poor at best’

She goes on to critique the decor and waffles on a lot about the tourist attraction she visited. Then ends the post with ‘all in all i’d give her two stars’

Wtaf is this!? Has she mistaken FB for trip advisor and my home for a hotel!?

We don’t have many shared friends, but people have liked her bloody post. 13 people!

Now the thing is she talked about coming back at the end of July for an exhibition and we made relatively firm plans about her return.

AIBU to tell her to jog on?

OP posts:
Clarabell100 · 11/06/2018 09:28

I had a ‘friend’ who behaved horribly over a period of time and when I eventually called her out on it she blamed MH issues. While I had sympathy, I’d had enough by that point and ended the friendship.

I don’t think there’s any coming back from this. Writing things down can certainly help but absolutely no need to be nasty. Can’t beleve she would think she’s still welcome in July. Baffling!

Fflamingo · 11/06/2018 09:29

Say my therapist advises me to tell you to feck right off.
Bye.

Mimomae · 11/06/2018 09:30

Send a package to her work with adult toys, include a note "you left these behind, you bitch".

MilkAndCookies1 · 11/06/2018 09:31

Oh my god! The cheek of her! I would be far to humiliated to come and stay with you after this fiasco anyway!

user1499173618 · 11/06/2018 09:31

Just post that she was given the kind of welcome that a self-imposed guest might expect 😎

DamsonGin · 11/06/2018 09:36

Out of interest, could you ask your mutual friend if she has in fact taken the post down, and if she's replaced it with anything?

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 11/06/2018 09:38

Hmm Mimomae. What do sex toys have to do with it? That reads as a weirdly, sexually aggressive suggestion you’ve just posted. But maybe I’m missing something.

LaLaLongwhiskers · 11/06/2018 09:40

The absolute brass balls of the woman! She can't honestly think you and your DH would want to host her after she rubbished your hospitality and your home and his conversation skills!

I also agree with PP - people who trot out the excuse of anxiety or depression to dismiss bad behaviour make me Angry. And I say that as someone who has anxiety.

Motoko · 11/06/2018 09:41

Just tell her she can't stay with you in July. But you definitely need to tell her quite bluntly, so there can't be any "misunderstandings".

Tambien · 11/06/2018 09:43

Nope, no way in hell she is coming back.

I would answer along the lines of jellybean
And I wouod also recommend she checks with her counsellor the idea of writing her journal on FB for everyone to see. I am VERY SURE this is not what the counsellor meant (if she ever proposed that) and is very attention seeking in itself.
The part where she says that she didn’t think you would see it says a lot actually.

But whatever you do, please make it sure that she will NOT turn up in July.

Biscusting · 11/06/2018 09:43

I asked friend if the post had been taken down and he said it had and she’d posted one of those postcard things about how people don’t see MH conditions. Hope that isn’t directed at me.

OP posts:
MismatchedPJs · 11/06/2018 09:45

You need to make it clear that the whole July meetup is off.

I'd go with "thanks for taking the post down, let's just leave it there. We won't be seeing you or hosting in July."

coconutpie · 11/06/2018 09:45

You need to stop wasting your time wondering why she was such a CF or trying to diagnose her behaviour.

Tell her as a result of her behaviour, you no longer consider her a friend and she is not welcome in your house ever again. Being depressed is not an excuse to try and publicly humiliate a good friend who put her up in their home. Then don't reply to any further messages.

CoraPirbright · 11/06/2018 09:45

I totally get that writing down your thoughts/feelings could help with depression and other MH issues. But then surely her ‘blog’ would have been along the lines of “spent w/e with old friends/felt good to see them/felt happy Sat eve/negative feelings going to bed/mood a bit low at 9am on Sunday” etc. HOW on earth does being rude about someone’s house, hospitality and husband help her depression??? I would venture to suggest that its utter bollocks!

I would reply to her that you feel its best if you do not see her again so soon and you dont want to risk further humiliation from another ‘review’ and so she will need to find alternative accommodation for July.

Cheeky cow!

Haggisfish · 11/06/2018 09:45

Well it can’t be because she I friended you! Grin I’d make it very clear July is off.

DamsonGin · 11/06/2018 09:45

But equally she wouldn't have been able to tell if you had a MH condition, and what she did could have easily knocked you for six.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 11/06/2018 09:46

Woke up this morning to a message from her “hope I can make it up to you and DH in July”

"I'm amazed at your lack of self-awareness.
There is no way I have any intention of hosting you in July"

coconutpie · 11/06/2018 09:46

This!

"I'm amazed at your lack of self-awareness.
There is no way I have any intention of hosting you in July"

BMW6 · 11/06/2018 09:47

I think I'd reply "I do not know if our friendship will survive your appallingly rude and obnoxious behaviour. BUT your craven suggestion that you will stay with us again in July, after slating our home and our company, is beyond rude and entitled. I suggest you discuss your actions with your therapist, and to be absolutely clear you are most definitely NOT coming into our home again"

JuicySwan · 11/06/2018 09:48

“What, so you can give us a bad review again?! Dream on 🤨”

Aeroflotgirl · 11/06/2018 09:48

God she has more front than the Taj Mahal, mental health conditions are no excuse to be a nasty person, with no thought to how it would impact you. I hope you have told her to sling her hook, and that she is not welcome in July or the future. She is a cheeky bint of the highest order.

LaLaLongwhiskers · 11/06/2018 09:49

she’d posted one of those postcard things about how people don’t see MH conditions. Hope that isn’t directed at me

Even if it was directed at you, don't be upset, be annoyed. Having a MH issue is still no excuse for acting so ungraciously towards a friend who has gone to the trouble of hosting you and then disparaging them on social media. Don't forget that, OP!

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 11/06/2018 09:50

Just a simple, “Sorry, July doesn’t work for us now.”

Lndnmummy · 11/06/2018 09:52

Of course that is directed at you. Awful behaviour from her. Just tell her that you July is not happening.

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 11/06/2018 09:55

It probably was directed at you. But that shows that she is not going to take responsibility for her actions. D&A do not prevent you from doing that. It also shows she doesn't think she's done anything wrong. You need to be very firm with her.

As others have said, she doesn't know if you have any hidden medical issues.