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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend spends the weekend with me then ‘reviews’ her experience, wtf!?

999 replies

Biscusting · 09/06/2018 21:25

Friend has been good friend during our uni days. We’ve loosely kept in touch over the years, but different career choices, interests, distance and children have pushed us in different directions.

She messages me out out of the blue to ask about staying a weekend with us. We live in an area popular with tourists.

I’m feeling a bit put out, as don’t fancy hosting, but we had no concrete plans and thought it would be a nice catch up.

Anyway she stays we have dinner out one night. She’s spends a day visiting a popular attraction and we have a nice evening in with a selection of nibbles, pizza, cheese and wine etc. Uneventful, pleasant weekend I feel.

Now i’ve just been browsing FB and looked on her page to see if she’d posted any pictures. To find she’d written quite a lengthy post about her stay. I don’t want to copy and paste, but basically it’s along the lines of, ‘had an okay weekend with Biscusting, staying at her place. Found the breakfast underwhelming and conversation with her DH a bit dry.
The sleigh bed in the guest room was too high and I bumped on the wooden edge so often I have a bruise. The room was too small.’.....the WiFi speed was poor at best’

She goes on to critique the decor and waffles on a lot about the tourist attraction she visited. Then ends the post with ‘all in all i’d give her two stars’

Wtaf is this!? Has she mistaken FB for trip advisor and my home for a hotel!?

We don’t have many shared friends, but people have liked her bloody post. 13 people!

Now the thing is she talked about coming back at the end of July for an exhibition and we made relatively firm plans about her return.

AIBU to tell her to jog on?

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 11/06/2018 09:55

I think it was absolutely posted with you in mind, op. Having mental health problems doesn't mean that you can't also be a bit of a self-centred arsehole sometimes. She's also made it very clear that she's only apologised in order to stay with you for free!!

Say no, no, no. Maybe reply "I don't think you understand how much your review hurt my feelings - I'm feeling really down about it. I think it would be very awkward for me to have you stay here again so soon, so therefore it's best to cancel that visit. I hope you understand. Take care xx"

Make it about YOU, not her. She'll hate that and snipe back which means you'll then be fully entitled to never have her over again at all. Win!

Aeroflotgirl · 11/06/2018 09:56

How does she know that you don't have MH condition, and what she said could have really pushed you over the edge. She is just not a very nice person. That FB post was very passive aggressive directed at you. I would say, to her, "After the scathing TripAdvisor style review that you put on Facebook of our hospitality, I am surprised you want to come back to this 2 star accommodation" Therefore we will not be hosting you in July or in the future, please find alternative accommodation. Delete her and block her from your life.

Tambien · 11/06/2018 09:57

Of course this was posted with you in mind.
She has also unfriended you so was probably not xpecting you to know about it.

But it does show she is truly a CF. Nothing to do with having MH.

ThisMorningWentBadly · 11/06/2018 09:59

I find that sometimes people will mental health issues (DM i’m looking at you for one) often don’t get that the rest of the world also have feelings too. Like they have so much go in on in their head everyone else’s feels and emotions comes very much second fiddle to them feeling ok and in control.

It sounds like one of those situations. If you value the friendship, gently explain why this is unacceptable and move on.

Lndnmummy · 11/06/2018 09:59

“I am baffled as to Why would you want to stay with us again?! Dh and I have discussed this and we are both angry, hurt and disappointed at how you treated us both after having you as a guest in our home. We are in complete agreement that we are not willing to put ourselves through that again so we will not host you in July”.

Original poster
Biscusting · 11/06/2018 10:01

Right I replied saying
“I fully appreciate that you are having a challenging time with MH problems and I wish you a smooth journey on your road to recovery. However both me and DH still feel rather hurt by your comments regardless of the frame of mind in which they were said. I respectfully think we should postpone our meeting in July as it no longer feels appropriate. All the best.

OP posts:
pigmcpigface · 11/06/2018 10:02

This kind of person cannot see beyond their own selfish needs. You're well rid!

BigApple11 · 11/06/2018 10:02

Good for you OP

DamsonGin · 11/06/2018 10:03

And now block her?

BigApple11 · 11/06/2018 10:03

Good for you OP

ArchchancellorsHat · 11/06/2018 10:04

Yeah the card was absolutely about you as she thinks the problem is you for calling her out, not her for being so rude. In other words, she feels blameless and entitled to say what she said and do what she did, and you're supposed to suck it up. I have an ex friend who did similar and he still goes round whining to people and asking them to drop me as it's awkward for him.

BitOutOfPractice · 11/06/2018 10:06

Far too polite imo op but job done.

Mymycherrypie · 11/06/2018 10:06

I hate this “MH causes me to be a terrible friend but if you just put up with my poor behaviour for decades, you will come to understand I am worth it” attitude that gets touted on FB and Buzzfeed all the time. She has been awful to you. Having a MH issues does not automatically excuse you being toadish to your friends who have been good to you.

She isn’t taking responsibility and is still aiming for a free holiday. You would be a mug to think this friendship can be salvaged.

BitOutOfPractice · 11/06/2018 10:08

I agree. Using mental health issues as an excuse (not even a reason, an excuse) is pretty low and does a massive disservice to others suffering.

Thebluedog · 11/06/2018 10:09

Your response is great OP. Hopefully she won’t have the brass neck to try and push back about July. If she does then you’ll just have to spell it out to her

AbsolutelyBeginning · 11/06/2018 10:10

She messages me out out of the blue to ask about staying a weekend with us. We live in an area popular with tourists

I’m feeling a bit put out, as don’t fancy hosting, but we had no concrete plans and thought it would be a nice catch up

This was your first mistake. Putting yourself out and inconveniencing yourself for someone who doesn't really have a claim on your time or hospitality. Of course, you did this out of kindness, but look where it has got you!

This woman is an ingrate. She's burned her bridges with you. There can be no going back.

You were no longer close friends anyway and your lives have gone in different directions. Best keep it that way I think.

Love only those who love you!

Your reply?

We can't host you in July. There are several reasons for this, but the main one being we just don't want to. Bye.

ArchchancellorsHat · 11/06/2018 10:10

Well done Op

bibolda · 11/06/2018 10:11

It is time for u to have a nice time in her place and just invite yourself

ToothTrauma · 11/06/2018 10:11

This makes me crazy. I am a lifelong sufferer of fairly severe MH problems and while they can certainly make you behave in certain ways, they don’t make you write an incredibly hurtful, rude post about friends who were kind enough to host you, if you are otherwise competent enough to operate in society the way she seems to.

She’s a bellend. Bin! I’m so glad you’ve told her to stick it re: July.

ScattyCharly · 11/06/2018 10:12

I’d cut her off entirely.

It does not sound like it’s all attributable to MH problems. Some people are just plain nasty, with or without MH problems.

Mymycherrypie · 11/06/2018 10:13

Exactly my point toothtrauma

RideOn · 11/06/2018 10:17

This is the rudest CF thing ever!!

Your reply was polite and entirely reasonable. I would be postponing it forever! If she asks again I would be clear that you have no plans to host her again, how could she sit in your house, with you wondering if she is "rating" your conversation.

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 11/06/2018 10:19

You shouldn't but how tempting is it to rate her apology?

The word sorry was used but made clear she wasn't sorry. I'd have to give her 1 star as 0 stars isn't an option.

Outlookmainlyfair · 11/06/2018 10:20

This is so sad! She was 100% in the wrong.
She misjudged and was very rude and continued to dig herself deeper. Her behaviour is not acceptable. Having said that I understand that when you are in the grip of MH your judgement can become clouded. FB is a tool and like all tools can be a useful of be used for self sabotage, which she has done. I hope that you feel better - I suspect that this will haunt her for a long time (but that is her issue not yours).

MiddleClassProblem · 11/06/2018 10:22

Why “postone” and not “cancel”?

I have depression and anxiety and it can skew my judgement but more in a heat of the moment kind of way not a long thought out post. But I guess sometimes it can detach what I’m thinking to what I’m writing particularly when I’m highly stressed (everything feels a bit heat of the moment then even everyday stuff).

If she’s been doing this blogging on fb for a while it could be that she has got used to it and is not used to filtering herself and not thought about how she is writing about you rather than her. Still doesn’t explain rating you with stars though...