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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my attempts to avoid co-sleeping were not "ridiculous"?

174 replies

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 09/06/2018 21:16

DS was a horrendous sleeper from birth - for the first 3 months of his life he slept no more than 45 minutes at a time, and wanted to bf constantly. To avoid co-sleeping whilst shattered (a dangerous risk of suffocating the baby accidentally) I used to pace around the room, sit upright with no backrest, and (when I was close to falling asleep) snap an elastic band on my wrist to keep me awake.

I never usually discuss this with friends, horses for courses etc. but a friend of mine has a baby 7months younger than DS (who is 10 months old now) and asked me what the nights were like. I was honest and explained what I'd been through to me be told that I was "ridiculous" and should "get off my high horse" because most parents co-sleep.

AIBU to be upset and to think that no, most parents do not co-sleep when shattered because it's unsafe?!

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 09/06/2018 22:12

Ah yes, google... that well known reliable factual evidence provider! Wink

Waitingonasmiley42 · 09/06/2018 22:13

I'm a bit sceptical about your sister having to resuscitate all these babies suffocated by their co-sleeping parents. SIDS is horrific but the rates are very low with only about 300 cases in UK a year. It seems unlikely your sister has seen that many cases.

Original poster
AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 09/06/2018 22:14

N.B. I also exclusively breast-fed and continue to bf.

OP posts:
Sparrowlegs248 · 09/06/2018 22:14

I'm sure planned safe co sleeping is safer than unplanned falling asleep or a dangerously sleep deprived parent.

BertrandRussell · 09/06/2018 22:16

From the UNICEF study- “This study examined 400 cases of SIDS against 1386 comparable controls. Researchers found that the incidence of co-sleeping among the SIDS infants was significantly higher than for the controls. However when results were broken down to specific co-sleeping environments, it was found that co-sleeping on a sofa, or next to a parent who had drunk more than two units of alcohol carried a very high risk. Co-sleeping next to a smoker was significant for infants under three months, whilst the risk associated with bed-sharing in the absence of these factors was not significant overall, and was in the direction of protection for older infants
(My bold)

BertrandRussell · 09/06/2018 22:18

“s not just a problem if you accidentally fall asleep, there's a proven correlation between planned co-sleeping with a baby and suffocating them (which my paediatrician DSis says usually gets classified as SIDS to spare the parents the guilt).

DSis says she would NEVER co-sleep with a pre-6 month old because she's had to try to resuscitate so many babies needlessly”

This is several sorts of nonsense.

SharronNeedles · 09/06/2018 22:18

So this is just a co-sleeping bashing thread then? Nice.

puglife15 · 09/06/2018 22:25

OP you are making some inaccurate and dangerous claims. Sleeping in own cot is only safer if in same room as parents.

I'm not sure I would have used the word ridiculous but I think your methods sounded OTT and the actions of an anxious person. TBF I was quite anxious in the early PFB days too so I get it.

We used a sleepyhead on our bed. So like cosleeping but mitigating the risk of rolling on baby.

abbsisspartacus · 09/06/2018 22:28

I'm a heavy sleeper I co sleep with my five year old but he never co slept as a baby when he is not in with me he is in a big bed with his brother they both prefer not to sleep alone

BestZebbie · 09/06/2018 22:28

We dealt with this by having me sleep in the spare bed with the moses basket on the bed next to me (against the wall so it couldn't fall off) - sleeping right by the baby for night feeds etc but the baby is safely walled in away from parental rolling.

FissionChips · 09/06/2018 22:28

which my paediatrician DSis says usually gets classified as SIDS to spare the parents the guilt

You really shouldn’t spout such nonsense.

littledinaco · 09/06/2018 22:29

no matter how safely you sleep, co-sleeping before 6 months is still more dangerous than a baby sleeping in its own cot. so why does Japan have one of the lowest SIDS rates in the world?

It’s not as simple as cot v bedsharing, there are many other factors involved.

I think for many very tired parents, the cot is safer so, OP, once you got to the point of exhaustion from sitting up feeding, walking around in the night, etc, then switching to co-sleeping at that point may not have been safer than putting your baby in a cot.

However, if you start of co-sleeping safely and so never become very tired, this is a different situation all together.

SemperIdem · 09/06/2018 22:30

All the mum’s I know co-slept to some degree when they had newborns. That doesn’t make you not doing so wrong.

Haint · 09/06/2018 22:31

Just how many babies has your sister had to resuscitate following co sleeping?

Considering there is on average fewer than 250 deaths per annum attributed to SIDs your sister must be very unlucky to have seen so many cases (that she arrived at soon enough for resuscitation to be on the cards)

Igorina · 09/06/2018 22:33

I'm sure planned safe co sleeping is safer than unplanned falling asleep or a dangerously sleep deprived parent.

Absolutely.

Why would anyone put themselves in that state deliberately?

Ivy3621 · 09/06/2018 22:36

I co slept. It actually reduces the risk of cot death. I did however, always wake up with a split second of panic before I saw LO was breathing. I couldn't have coped with the sleepless nights. D's slept through from 5 weeks old. I used to feed him whilst he was sleeping at around 12ish. I will add though, that I don't move around a lot when I sleep, and just sort of knew he was there.

Knittedfairies · 09/06/2018 22:37

I had my babies late 70s/early 80s; co-sleeping was a very definite no-no then. (I’m not saying nobody did it, but nobody would have admitted it to a HV..)

Igorina · 09/06/2018 22:38

DSis says usually gets classified as SIDS to spare the parents the guilt

Shock I have just seen this and it's honestly the biggest crock of shit I have ever read on MN - I hope no one reading this thinks it could ever be true.

You are full of it OP. Utterly full of it.

Audree · 09/06/2018 22:39

Cosleeping is not unsafe.
If you’re not using drugs or alcohol, pillows near baby etc. cosleeping is actually very safe. We are aware of our surroundings when we sleep - that’s why we don’t fall out of bed.

Dobbythesockelf · 09/06/2018 22:41

I was going to be somewhat sympathetic to you until you started going on and on about how dangerous co sleeping is without listening to anything anyone else has said. Is that what you said to your friend as Well? Did you mention dead babies to her? I imagine you are very judgemental about co sleeping and this came across to your friend and she reacted.
I co slept cause I needed sleep and after falling asleep on the sofa with my dd I made an informed decision. You chose to keep yourself awake which I imagine could lead to bad things happening due to exhaustion. I chose to cosleep which could have also led to bad things happening. I would advice not mentioning your hatred of co sleeping in the future because people will get offended.

RebelRogue · 09/06/2018 22:48

N.B. I also exclusively breast-fed and continue to bf.

No one asked. You desperately want some praise don't you?

Well done for never cosleepingand slapping rubber bands on your wrists!
Well done for breastfeeding!
Well done for being the best mum that ever was!

There! Better?

Ollivander84 · 09/06/2018 22:55

I get why you did what you did. Falling asleep on a sofa/chair is so dangerous, and I won't ever forget hearing a parent who had accidentally suffocated their baby. Fell asleep on the sofa while tired

MyFriendGiraffrey · 09/06/2018 22:57

My baby went through a phase of not sleeping unless she was on me or DP. I remember being so worried about suffocating her in my sleep. Me and DP used to watch over each other, so I'd sleep almost upright against cushions with baby on my chest while he stayed awake and watched over us, and then when he couldn't stay awake any longer he'd wake me and we'd swap over so he'd sleep with baby while I kept watch.

It seems almost like madness now but it felt like the safest way to do something to help with the sleep deprivation.

codswallopandbalderdash · 09/06/2018 23:01

I co-slept and still do. The midwife suggested it to me on day 5 with no sleep, and showed me how to do it safely. I resisted a while but it was a godsend after no sleep. I once dozed off on sofa with baby in arms - woke after a couple of minutes but that scared me more than co-sleeping

SurfingSally · 09/06/2018 23:03

to me be told that I was "ridiculous" and should "get off my high horse"

Nobody ever said this to a person who simply stated the facts of what choices they made.

'Get off your high horse' is said when someone is clearly thinking they are better.

Yabu op. Consider your tone when speaking to friends or you may find you have none left to look down on.