FIL comments about son's DLA

[WWYDNameChange]

First of all, apologies if this doesn't end up in paragraphs, it should have them, but the app always messes them up for me!

DS is 4 and severely Autistic. He's non verbal, doesn't understand language and can be extremely difficult to manage when out and about. We're currently hiring a SEN pram which is costing us a fortune whilst we wait for special twin one to be made (DS2 is almost 2 and also on the pathway)

Anyway. We see PIL maybe 3 times a month by their request. Tbh, the visits are always a bit stressful as FIL seems very unaware and unsympathetic towards his grandson. FWIW his youngest daughter is only 5 and StepMIL is a childminder, so it's not as if he's not used to being around small children or anything.

FIL seems obsessed with money and seems to 'jokingly' go on about what benefits we get. Even though myself and my Husband don't even claim half the stuff we're entitled to because we get by okay.

Now that our son is 4, we decided to apply for Hight Rate Mobility DLA. We spent months doing the form, which is a gruelling process, gathering all types of reports from different people and even sent in a mandatory reconsideration after he was rejected.

This week, the DLA have awarded DS high rate care and high rate mobility until 2031. I honestly sobbed for four hours with relief. This is absolutely life changing for us, we'll be able to order a car that's safe and big enough for the equipment we need to bring with us, as well as cutting down on the costs of taxis and trains (currently can't afford to run a car at all) DS has several appointments a month, all 10 miles away from home. It's currently a 3 hour round trip on the bus, whereas it's 20 minutes in the car. My Mum and Dad help out where they can, often with lifts and emotional support as they can't physically look either DS.

Anyway. DH phoned FIL to tell him the good news, my parents were over the moon for us and understand how hard we worked to get DS what he deserved. FIL's first and only comment was, 'Well my taxes better not be paying for it.'
Is this how people really feel? Is this what everyone will think of us? Will people really feel resentment at a disabled child being entitled to a mobility car to ensure his safety and quality of life?

I feel so hurt. I half want to give him the DLA form and tell him he's lucky his daughter doesn't meet any of the criteria. This was a celebration for us, even if tainted with a bit of sadness that our 4 year old is now officially severely mentally impaired (that's the name of the criteria he falls under for DLA)

We're supposed to be visiting tomorrow, I don't really want to go, but feel like I need to say something? WWYD? Is there any advice? Or is this something we should just get used to?

OP, well done. I'm very happy that my taxes will be able to help you. Disability benefits is a tiny tiny part of the DWP benefit spend. I can’t remember the % off the top of my head. Most goes on pensions and in-work benefits. I work in the finance industry and come into contact with people trying to dodge their taxes left right and centre; there’s a vast amount of tax and VAT that HMRC are trying to claw back.

Yiu sound smart, tenacious, resilient and switched on. Congratulations on your university achievements and landing a great job to boot. You sound awesome and your family is very blessed to have you.

I'm sure you'll get it all figured out (see my comments above) but I don't think the PP is correct in what's been said about motability. My understanding is You can have a named Motability driver on a provisional licence if they are over 21 and
Named drivers should live within 5 miles of the person's home but requests can be made for exceptions. A third named driver can be added for a cost, so grandad could be added in theory.

Hi OP, please ignore SickofPeterRabbit, literally making it up out of thin air. !
I am a DWP Fraud Officer of 32yrs (only moved to similar but different role in enforcement last year). In that time I have prosecuted numerous DLA HR Mob cases which involve misuse of Motability Car. Many of which have involved long term surveillance. At NO point would someone driving a Mob car WITHOUT the benefit recipient being in it, be cause to gather 'evidence' or even considered in a prosecution if that person was named as a driver.

From Motability website.

The car is used by, or for the benefit of, the disabled person. This does not mean that the disabled person needs to be in the car for every journey. In practice, this means other named drivers in the household can use the car for shopping and other routine activities, as long as the disabled customer will benefit

For DLA Fraud ..

We are looking at the car being used by persons unnamed. The car being garaged at a property away from the home address. The 'disabled' person being not even remotely disabled.

As an appointee you are the 'customer'. You can indeed learn to drive with your father sat next to you. You can apply for driving lessons. Dad should live no more than 5 miles away although there are exceptions. Enjoy your new Car and the freedom it gives your family.

Hi @SickofPeterRabbit thanks for your concern, but the person we put the order with is a representative of the Motability Scheme and has assured me I can name myself as the owner of the car on a provision and my dad as the second driver with a full license.
He took both our license numbers and the order has gone through fine.
As the claim is my name, due to my son being under 16 I'm obviously allowed to drive the car. My dad is named to help me learn and be safe in the new car, as well as being able to drive both me and my son if my son is in the midst of a meltdown.

I can assure you I've done my homework too. Considering I'm due to start a job within the DWP in a few months, I've done my research. I also phoned them to confirm who could be named drivers and the rules about provisional license. I also rang the Motability scheme direct. In this instance 'the customer' is not my son, but myself as he is a minor and I'm his representative.

@fontofnoknowledge thank you so much! The dealer checked and explained all that, luckily my Dad only lives around the corner and won't ever be driving it without my son in it anyway (unless he's teaching me!)
I'll be passed (hopefully 😂) within 7 weeks anyway, so all will well!

Checks came back okay today, should have our new car in 4 weeks!!!

I don’t care if DLA is paid to the genuinely needy.

However, there are some rich people who claim it (David Cameron used to) and that is just greedy and taking the piss.

Does your FIL think that you have enough of your own money to buy a car? Do you or your DH work?
I’m just wondering where he got the idea from, it’s not as if he offered to buy you a car or help you, is it?

@WWYDNameChange Incorrect. The only time the vehicle can be used for driving lessons is when the disabled person is the person learning to drive. Otherwise the vehicle is not being used for the disabled person

The child's parent learning to drive would certainly be classed as being for the benefit of the child.

@Abandoned no, that's not true. I've checked with every single authority and they've said as I'm the named representative for my son, learning to drive the car is obviously of massive benefit to him and his mobility needs.

@WitchesGlove DLA isn't means tested, but no, neither me nor my husband work at the moment due to massive care commitments and absolutely no proper childcare (council only providing 12 hours a week, we offered to pay for one day more but as they find the 1:1 he needs, we couldn't get anymore hours)

FIL has never offered to anything for us, not that we'd expect it from him. He's never been there for emotional support either, my DH expected that though as he was absent during his childhood.

We have a mobility car for my daughter after she got full pip for her autism. She is 25 and not capable of going anywhere on her own and hates public transport. My husband is named as the user and first driver any letters from the mobility and garage are in his name not my daughter. I am named as second driver so don't worry about your application as it will be totally fine. As for you p I l please ignore this piss taker taxes are for this to hell when help is needed. Has he ever used the nhs ?

zzzzz-

I know it isn’t, but it should be.

Some people are just extremely greedy!

Help stupid I phone and me not getting alone

'it should be'

No it fucking shouldn't. And I have no idea how anyone knows for sure whether David and Samantha Cameron claimed DLA when they were caring for their severely disabled son who died so young. I hate Cameron for nearly everything he has done in a professional capacity but I would have paid him that money personally and smiled while I was doing it.

If you are entitled to d l a or pip you deserve it . Why should the family be punishing for earning a descent wage it should not be means tested as if you are disabled you are always at a disadvantage and deserve help you are entitled to. Why should disability be eternally at a disadvantage when a mobility car can help your ability to work?

For those of you thinking that looking after a disabled child is not expensive, have a google. Look up things like mobility aids, or desk risers or any other educational aid for that matter.
The minute disability is added into the equation, the price is increased. It's disgusting.
And that's not taking into account the sheer human burden of looking after someone who has additional needs 24/7.

Wow whAt a horribal man. I would not be telling him anything personal like that, and woukd be seeing him much less. I claim DLA for dd and ds who have SN and carers allowance for dd. My mum often sometimes calls us benefit scrounges or makes smart arsed comments.

Hes an arse!

We have 4 children with additional needs ( all Autistic amongest other diagnoses) and receive 3 lots of DLA. The DLA covers their therapies, extra equipment and support. The Carers allowance of £62.10 covers the wages we lose by being unable to work around their needs

Ive had plenty of comments about being scroungers and yet strangely not one person has offered to swap roles with us or even babysit so we get a break. People assume lifes easy because Social media can be so selective and make it appear that way...noone sees the tears and hard work

zzzzz-

Yes, of course they deserve help, if they need it!

What is the point in giving it to the super-rich?

Because it’s paid to and for the child. Disability doesn’t discriminate on class/income so why should the associates benefit?

BlueEyedBengal-

It’s not ‘punishing’ someone for earning a decent wage- it’s simply not wasting money giving them something they don’t need!

Anyway, I didn’t say ‘decent wage’, I said the very rich (such as David Cameron).

Most other benefits are means tested- for example, you can’t claim JSA if you have over £16K in savings. You can’t claim CB if you earn over a certain amount.

Why should DLA be any different? And greedy cunts like David Cameron get even more money?!

Tell your stupid FIL to work on his maths & research exactly where 'his' money goes. He sounds like a proper tool.
'HIS* taxes my arse.

@WitchesGlove you really are spectacularly ignorant aren't you? DLA isn't means tested because disability isn't means tested!! All disabled adults and children deserve to have that bit of extra money to help them live their best life possible.
I'm no fan of David Cameron's politics but he and Sam were diligent and loving parents to Ivan and would have used the money responsibly on his behalf. Ivan wasn't wealthy and he was the disabled person so why penalise him?
Your irrational hatred of someone in the public eye doesn't mean the welfare system needs changing.

@fontofnoknowledge pleased to meet you!! I'm an ex LA fraud investigator with 15 yrs at the coal face until SFIS when I moved to corporate fraud. The ludicrous things people post here about benefits and what is or isn't fraud is quite alarming at times!