To ask if you’ve ever complained about a teacher

[Justwondering14]

It seems the view is that this shouldn’t ever be done.

I have complained a few times. Once about a male member of staff telling my fifteen year old she looked like she was enjoying that in a suggestive way when she had a lollipop.

Is it always ‘wrong’, then? I’m not a teacher ...

People are entitled to representation. The teacher will have paid to be a member of the union

Aye, they are. What they’re not fucking entitled to do is lie through their teeth, hide behind a union rep when they are the ones responsible for a severe and traumatic injury because they didn’t do their fucking job.

But how bad am I for being pissed off that instead of apologising (like the other 4 teaching assistants who didn’t feel the need to cover their own arses and actually gave a shit about the state of my son) she sat there eyeballing me and DP and responding to everything with “no comment” like she was on a cop show!

But aye, she had rights, she was entitled to a union rep.

Sorry for the essay, just wanted to explain where the 'don't go in raging' advice tends to come from.

I would never dream of going anywhere raging but sometimes the advice is to not complain at all, your child is lying, you’re ‘that’ parent ...

Thankfully she doesn’t work there any more, she doesn’t work anywhere because even her union rep told her she was a disgrace to the job.

twice.
both science teachers at upper school.
different reasons. one was total inability to control class. they moved dd1 2 terms before exam into triple science as a "reward" then told me that she should be grateful enough to spend every spare minute of her life catching up and gave her a scathing report. in fact it was only down to her own efforts that she got 2 grade Cs. widespread failure across the year.
same dept 3 years on. dd2 was doing btec in science. it was not being taught. they were just filling in sheets to evidence their learning without any actual learning activity taking place. if the computer room was available they were given wordsearchs to do. great if you are dyslexic.
i had realised at this point that being rated good by ofsted did not save your kids from getting a second rate education.

Yes. DD2 was struggling with dyslexia and the school weren't helping. Her P5 teacher told her to 'stop being stupid' one day. I removed DD from the school at the end of term and sent her to another school without bothering to inform the first one - quite deliberately. When they phoned to enquire where she was on the first day of the new term, I gave them both barrels. I had complained endlessly about this teacher's dreadful attitude to DD2.

Then, after moving school part way into her first year of GCSEs, I went to parents night a few weeks later and one teacher told me she was far too busy to read the file on a new student and teach her what she had missed so far. She had given DD a book, which really wasn't much use. I then learned from other parents that this teacher spent a lot of her lesson time doing stuff for the business she ran on the side (the other parents thought this was ok ). When her teaching did not improve and her attitude to DD deteriorated even further, I spoke to the school (headmaster was more interested in what colour of bra the girls were wearing under their white shirts and commenting on it) I went to the local authority. I was not the first person to complain about this teacher, but I was the last. I was fortunate enough to have known the director of education personally for almost 30 years and he learned of the problem with this woman for the first time, as the person who fielded complaints was friends with her, and hadn't done anything. She was 'let go' at the end of the school year.

I come from a teaching family and trained as a teacher also, although I never managed to get a job (thanks to Maggie fucking Thatcher) and my kids were brought up to do what they were told by the teacher, but I wasn't having any piss taking done by the teachers, either.

I have complained 3 times and the teachers got sacked. (One took a gap year then emigrated, another works at Lush and tells ex-students that it's much better paid than teaching English and the third is now a fireman)

I think that the don't complain about teachers thing is due to some people wanting to formally complain about small stuff like lost cardigans.

I knew my kids weren't lying as one admits being told off for chatting as well as getting congratulated for a good test and the other rarely asks me to intervene (he's in y12 and he's asked me twice) I think that a child misunderstanding a situation is certainly possible if they are very young but it's not lying.

Justwondering14

Well, I don't know about you, but I find the idea that one should automatically believe one's child in all circumstances both naive and illogical. People lie. Why would my child automatically be exempt from that? I'm sure there will be occasions when she has valid complaints and I'm sure there will be occasions when she is being economical with detail and I'm sure there will be occasions when she is outright bullshitting me. It's normal and to be expected.

No I haven’t and before I did I would need to have a reasonable belief that they were either grossly incompetent or had done something harmful.

Maisypops is right I think.

It’s a question of trying to ascertain what actually did happen. Of course, in any conflict, there are differing points of view. As a former teacher, I’ve been physically and verbally abused, reduced to tears on occasion (but not in front of them), had to endure lies told about me and to me.

Some of the instances cited here are someone’s interpretation of the circumstances and unless there are independent people to verify or decry what has been said or done, it’s often one person’s word against another.

Of course there are some teachers who should be challenged, sanctioned and censured. But before anyone goes in all guns blazing, try to find out both sides of the story.

Justwondering14
Raising a concern doesn't make someone 'that parent' at all.

E.g. I had a complaint come to me regarding a team member. To be fair, everything the parent said was true (not much learning, poor discipline). They called up, got put through to me, calmly outlined their concerns and I said I'd have a look at that class and what's going on in mpre detail.and put some steps in place if needed. They were lovely and very polite.

E.g. another parent called me up because I'd given their child a detention but their child was only on the fringes of what was going on. We had a really good chat, parent realised their child was more involved than the child had suggested, but from what parebt said less involved than I thought. Child got a lunch detention not an after school.

What makes someone 'that parent' are telling their child school rules don't apply to them, telling their child sanctions don't apply to them, calling up furious about endless issues or non issues (usually when staff have expexted the child to follow the rules). 'Those parents' are generally quite confrontational, love the feeling of scoring points against teachers, on mumsnet love phrases such as 'we don't want to encourage blind obedience' which translates 'our child is disruptive and argumentative and we back them all the time'.

My DD had a big issue with her cooking teacher in Y9. Teacher thought DD was lazy and insolent and all sorts of things. DD is actually ASD with severe anxiety. Was over-cautious with the cooker, had sensory issues washing up, didn't answer the teacher because ASD etc etc. Started being scared of the teacher so making more and more mistakes.

When she eventually told me this I wrote a furious email to the head of year, deleted it and wrote a furious email to the teacher, then wrote a very calm email to the teacher. Who had a vague idea what ASD was but who didn't know about DD's issues at all. She apologised to DD for the way she'd handled things, DD immediately started enjoying cooking and ending up loving that teacher!

On the other hand, a particular teacher was marvellous with DD in Y11 so I emailed straight to the head about him!

I am a teacher and a head of year. Im also a parent. I disagree that there is a culture in which it isnt the 'done thing' to complain about a teacher. There has been a definite shift in the 12 years and whilst, on balance, most parents are reasonable in their expectations and dealings the school, there are more and more parents who are complaining and making unrealistic demands. A recent example would be a parent whose year 10 child was ill and missed a week of school. When they came back, their English teacher asked them about a piece of homework that was set whilst they were away and uploaded to the google classroom (basically an app that would have alerted the pupil to the homework via email and a ping on their mobile phone). The pupil hadnt done it, saying that they were ill. Teacher explained that it was an important piece and they needed to catch up. Offered to sit with them at lunchtime, and advised the pupil it needed to be handed in the next day. The pupil became annoyed and started protesting infront of the class, saying they shouldn't have to do homework when ill. Teacher stood her ground, repeated her offer of help at lunchtime. The pupil sulked through the lesson, did the bare minimum work. The teacher then kept the pupil in for the lack of work and poor attitude shown in the lesson. The parent complained that their child was being punished for being ill and they were embarrased infront of their peers. They were not there when the teacher set the homework so shouldnt have to do it. Demanded the teacher apologise. The pupil hadnt told their parent about the offer of help at lunchtime or the sulking behaviour. To be fair, when I did, the parent still insisted that the child be let off with the homework and that the teacher should apologise. Our policy is wrong, our expectations of her son need to change, a formal complaint was made. Despite this department having a record of 86% of pupils gaining a grade 4 or above last year, our methods are wrong and one piece of homework wont make a difference. The parent doesnt see that we have a policy. If we change our expectations or make allowances for a pupil who is perfectly capable of catching up then we'd be expected to make allowances for everyone. Standards would drop and so would results. Complaints like this are a weekly occurance. A complaint was made yesterday about a teacher who told a pupil who had persistently failed to hand in homework that was part of his GCSE coursework to 'sort his life out'. Agressive language, apparently. Doesnt matter that the teacher had spent weeks chasing him and had finally lost patience with the excuses. The teacher should have used a different tone because the angry tone upset the pupil. We are expected to exclude a year 7 child who calls another pupil a nasty name, despite there being no evidence that it has happened more than once. When we dont and follow policy, we are useless and allowing their child to be bullied. It is unreasonable to call an incident racist when their child didnt know that telling a black kid to 'go back to your own country' was racist. Exclusion is an overly harsh punishment for a year 11 pupil who told her teacher to 'go fuck herself' infront of the class because she was upset the her coursework grade. Why should she miss out on a days learning right before her exams? I field complaints like these frequently.
This government has disparaged teachers to the point that the general view is that schools are failing and teachers are imcompetant. I think it had led to more complaints about teachers and a poorer public view of teachers generally. There will always be legitimate complaints where a teacher has made a mistake and a complaint is warrented, but, in my experience, those types of mistakes a rare. The vast majority of complaints directed at or about teachers are due to parental expectations being totally unreasonable, or a pupil only giving parents half of the story. Occasionally, it is because the parent feels that by paying their taxes they pay our wages, therefore, teachers are accountable to them.

I’m at the idea people think you can’t, shouldn’t or wouldn’t complain about teachers. That certainly isn’t my impression from the boards on here nor experience. If something is wrong, you have a question or query. Ask, listen and then if needed or warranted complain. However too many try to use the nuclear option over trivial, irrelevant and often incorrect supposition.

Yes, when my G&T daughter was being sent to catch up phonics lessons once a week due to a new teacher mixing her up with another child. I didn’t complain about the teacher who actually made the mistake but about the one who was taking the phonics class as DD repeatedly told her she thought there had been a mistake, as did her classmates and she failed to notice that dd was completing the work very quickly and easily. It wasn’t until a teacher that knew dd happened to pop into the class for something and noticed her there that It was picked up on. The total lack of common sense and “ her names on a list so it must be right” attitude that annoyed me most.

Thankfully she doesn’t work there any more, she doesn’t work anywhere because even her union rep told her she was a disgrace to the job.

Did the rep say that in front of you at the meeting?

I wouldn’t complain about it but if my child was really ill I wouldn’t be making them do homework.

loki I think heads of years are heroes. I don't know how you manage.
Love the exclusion stories though. Exclusion is obviously appropriate for potential name calling in y7, but not at all appropriate for verbal abuse to staff in y11.

I had a complaint where school wasn't doing enough to deal with the fact some students weren't including their DC. Apparently keeping away from their child at break/lunch is a form of bullying. Which is fine, until you dig deeper and find that the 'victim' had actually been threatening to stab other students and put them in hospital (evidence provided) and the natural consequence of acting like a violent thug is that people don't want to be around you.

Yes. This may make me sound like the mum of a PFB out of context but there was a lot of background I promise. DS was in the nativity and at the end the headteacher came on the stage to say thanks. Loads of the kids were larking about and shouting to their parents as 6 year olds do. However, my son was literally the only one he told off and he was doing no worse than anyone else. I complained about that.

just
I wouldn't expect them to do the homework whilst ill. I would expect mixed work to be caught up, including homework.
Otherwise it gets to tests and assessments, scores are lower and then typically home want to know why their child isn't making progress.

I tend to give students a week to get caught up if they've been off. If they don't do it then i make a note in my planner in case I get asked why X isn't where they should be.

I forgot to tell you what I complained about

Case 1: Substitute discovers that dd has dyslexia. She's in top set but struggles sometimes. Substitute says "You can't be dyslexic and in top set. Did your mum pay privately for someone to say this for extra exam time? You'd be in bottom set if you were dyslexic"

Case 2:
I found out by checking ds messages that another child was going to bring a dangerous item to school so I emailed and spoke to her. She didn't check bags that day. This school is fairly rural so there's lots of fields nearby and the kids were old enough to walk home without adults. Said child used dangerous item and hurt another child. I ended up having to call police, who had Head do a bag check the next day and they found an even more dangerous item in the kids bag. Police and Head sort things out quickly but teacher asked to leave.

Case 3: Teacher can't control the class. Frequently had teacher in the next room come in and tell teacher to control the class. I've seen Snapchat videos of this class and kids are standing on chairs, headphones in ears and it sounds like a party. Teacher in next room admits to a group of kids in this class that a complaint from parents will be treated more seriously than a complaint from a teacher like her.

No, she didn’t. The head (who has now left) and I remained friends and she told me.

It wasn’t a meeting, it was supposed to be an informal chat so we could find out what had happened hence me being at a union rep. There wasn’t supposed to be any disciplinary action or recriminations, we literally just wanted someone to explain what had happened (DS1 and the other boy are both autistic, the other boy far more severely affected and this woman should have been supervising him) because we didn’t know. The other 4 members of staff explained and apologised, which we fully accepted. If she’d done the same, we’d have accepted that too. But she didn’t.

OP are you asking if you should complain about your DD's teacher?
If your DD was eating a lollipop in a suggestive way (to entertain her friends, possibly) then he shouldn't have said anything.
if she was just eating a lollipop and he spoke in a suggestive way, he shouldn't have said anything.
it crosses a line.

He was asked to do the homework once he had recovered and was better, not whilst he was ill. It was the analysis of one of the poems that they need to know inside out for the exam. If that poem came up and he hadnt caught up, the complaint would be 'my teacher didnt teach me that poem'. We put the homework and the learning resouces used in each lesson as there are some parents who ask for work for their child when they are ill. The pupil knows this is a policy. He could have caught up once he was feeling better. He could have agreed to sit with the teacher at lunch and had 1:1 teaching. He could have gone home that night and caught up. What more could the teacher have done?

SoddingUnicorns

You seem to be expecting the teacher to have known beforehand that you intended to be open-minded and reasonable, rather than punitive. There is no way she could have known that. With her career at stake, it was absolutely the right decision to consult her union rep, and I would advise any teacher to do exactly that.