For not moving on the bus

[LOL7]

Hello,
Firstly a bit of background about me- I am 24 weeks pregnant and have pulled a muscle in my bump, I have back issues (previous surgery) and am not allowed to drive due to medical reasons so I have a disability bus pass. I am 22, look very young and to look at me I look 'normal'- e.g not obviously disabled or pregnant.
Today I was on the bus with my ds in his pushchair, he was fast asleep and I had a few bags underneath. A lot of old ladies were on the bus discussing how my son looks at least 3.5 years (he turned 3 yesterday), so shouldn't be using a pushchair, and back in their day he would have had to come out and they would have folded it up. Then some more elderly ladies came on the bus and I could hear them all discussing how I should be moving the push chair and offering up my front seat-although no one was standing. Then as the bus got more full, we stopped for a carer and a man in a wheelchair, the carer parked the wheelchair next to the bus stop so I stayed seated assuming they weren't wanting to come on, the carer asked the driver if there was space and then said 'we will wait for the next one in 10 minutes', so I stayed where I was. Then a lady who was waiting at the same stop came on the bus and told the driver he is required by law to tell the push chair to get off so that the wheel chair can come on. The driver said it's whoever is on first and the lady said 'pushchairs can be folded'- I would have folded the pushchair if I had to however I didn't offer too because 1.my son was asleep 2.i struggle to fold it down due to the pain in my bump and back 3.they had chosen to wait for the next one themselves.
Of course for the next 15 minute journey I could hear all of the elderly ladies discussing how awful I am and wrong and how I am young and fit and should have just got off or be stood up. When we got to the last stop and everyone was getting off, the lady who was sat next to me stood up and pointed at the seat where the wheelchair goes (the one that goes backwards and folds up) and said 'that's where you should be sitting isn't it' I said 'sorry, why should i sit there?' She said 'because you have a push chair, so you should be there' and I said again 'why should I have to sit there?' And she pointed to where I was sat and said 'that says for the disabled and elderly!' So I showed her my disability pass and said 'I am disabled! And I'm pregnant!' She stopped for a second and said yet again 'well you should be sitting there!'
I got off the bus shaking and holding back tears, it was absolutely horrible listening to everyone say how selfish and vile I am.
So, WIBU for staying where I was?

You have a disability. You are entitled to sit there.

And it sounds like the man who was using the wheelchair was unfazed by waiting.

Oh and they sound mean.

You had every right to sit where you were sat. Sorry those old ladies made you feel bad.

I think I would have moved the buggy for a wheelchair though. Even if I was in pain and son asleep. It must be horribly frustrating for wheelchair users to have fought for those spaces and have to constantly be assertive about getting them. They should have automatic right over buggy’s Imo.

You have the right to sit where you did but you should have folded your pushchair to allow a wheelchair user on the bus, or if you can't do that yourself you should have asked someone on the bus to help you. So you were being a bit U.

Bless you, no, you have a disability, are in pain and have a little one. I think old people sometimes forget what it was like in 'their day'. They shouldn't have confronted you and when you said you were disabled that should have been the end of it. Don't take heart from it, forget it and move on. And it's no one elses business how old your little one is to still be in a pushchair. Xx

I would have and have previously moved off the bus with all three of my children one of whom is in a buggy to allow a wheelchair user to have their space.

So I think you should have offered to do that even if they hadn't asked.

But since they didn't mind that point is moot.

However you were perfectly within your rights to sit where you were, they sound very rude to run commentary within earshot and then pester you.

I'm sorry you had a rough day

They should mind their
own business.
However because they were incabable of this then I would have explained my situation and shut them up.
You have legitimate needs.
Buses should have conducters on board like the old days, keep a bit of decorum amongst the noisy and nosy rabble!

Why didn't the wheelchair user get on and use the wheelchair space.

I used my London Transport disabled bus pass in the past, sometimes I was in a chair and used the ramp to get on, sometimes I'm wasn't in the wheelchair and i looked normal until you see me stand up and see my crutches.

Over the many years I have been disabled I have had such kindness and help from strangers.

There is another type of person though.
I have had all sorts of interfering people telling me they know best. I think they are bored, finding drama in everyday life to entertain themselves.

I've also had women with pushchairs who refuse to move from the disabled spot, bus drivers had to intervene to get the selfish mares young ladies to move.

Non disabled badge holding people shouting at me because they are parking up in the only disabled spot and I drive up hoping to use it.
I once had a girl in her twenties scream at me that she knew for sure that she earned much more money than me so was justified in using the disabled parking!
The charming gentlemen who grabbed and repeatedly shook my chair and screamed that I was able to walk if I just believed I could.
Obviously these incidents are spread out over many years. Oh and most of London is crazy.

I would have and have previously moved off the bus with all three of my children one of whom is in a buggy to allow a wheelchair user to have their space.

Do you also have a disability? Because if you don't that's a moot point. I'd move as well. I don't don't have any additional needs. OP does.

Those old ladies sound awful from your post, older people moaning about younger ppl yet they have a lot less manners.

I think you were perfectly within your rights staying where you were, you are disabled and pregnant as well as with your dc in a buggy. Ignore the moaning pensioners lol

Sorry if I've not got your post correct.
Were you in the disabled spot on the bus, where a wheelchair goes?
That might be why they were saying things. You are perfectly justified to sit there.
To them you looked like someone being stubborn and selfish, however they should shut their yap and tell themselves that maybe they don't know your full circumstances.
You do get a lot of girls using the disabled space, usually they happily move for me to get on in my wheelchair.
As for the person in a wheelchair, this is strictly beween the carer and wheelchair user, the bus driver and you. No need for a commentary from the audience.
You had no need to move, your have a right to sit where it is best for you, you are disabled.

You are disabled and so have every right to act as you did. They were very unkind. I'd have shown them my badge earlier probably to shut them up!

Is the space for wheelchair users or for people with disabilities? Because OP has a disability. One that precludes her from easily folding the pushchair. She would have struggled and been in pain as a result of trying to fold the pushchair. Because of her disability. I'm struggling to see why people are saying she should have except for a knee-jerk reaction that women always should.

That’s awful. Didn’t any of them remember having to brave public transport hell with young children?

confused.
were you in the WC space? if so you should have moved as its a WC space.
if you were in a buggy space or priority seating, then you didn't need to move.

Wheelchairs do have priority.Its not whoever is there first at all.

You have a disability but you're not in a wheelchair.

You should have folded your buggy (pr got someone to fold it if you couldnt manage) if it was so large that it was blocking the wheelchair space. On our buses for example there is room for a wheelchair and a small stroller, but not one of the massive type of buggies. If you don't want to have to fold it buy a smaller one.

I can't help but feel sorry for the wheelchair user who just accepted waiting even longer.

The bus driver needs retraining as spaces are for wheelchairs first and foremost. He should know this.

This would have riled me. I think I would have been tempted to make a loud public announcement.

The point is that folding the pushchair was an option whether the OP did it herself or someone helped. The person waiting in the wheelchair can't exactly fold their wheelchair!

I can't help but feel sorry for the wheelchair user who just accepted waiting even longer.

But not for OP's pain and struggle?

You should have moved for the wheelchair. They are a priority.

If we were to be pendantic the space is for a wheelchair.
Specifically designed to be a safe travel space and adjacent to the ramps that buses let down for wheelchair users to board the bus. The bell for the stops is lower and there are hand rails.
I perfectly understand that there are some needs of others that are covered by the specific rules of the bus. She can sit there, we can be thoughtful and realise her needs.
No wheelchair but a disability that means it is difficult to use the bus in the normal manner.
I use a wheelchair and if I was to come across this young lady in the wheelchair space then I would not mind. She has a disabled bus pass. This is not an easy thing to obtain. Proves she has major health problems.
Those old ladies and various others should be glad they are fit enough to get on and off buses.

The charming gentlemen who grabbed and repeatedly shook my chair and screamed that I was able to walk if I just believed I could.

Wasn’t Jesus was it?

But seriously, that sounds horrible and so does the OP’s experience.

I definitely agree with a PP that there is a certain group of people who have absolutely nothing better to do with their lives than make drama. You sometimes see it for example in queuing situations, places where people have a captive audience for their little “you’re not living right” show.

Poor OP, it’s a vulnerable feeling when out with a young child, pregnant, AND in pain. The one good thing about the situation (in which you did nothing wrong) is that you brought a feeling of purpose to a few people’s lives for a little while. So in some small way you actually provided a valuable community service . Hope you’re feeling better soon.

No, because as she didn't actually fold the buggy there was no pain and struggle. OP had the choice to cause herself discomfort or not be a martyr and ask for help. Instead she did neither and let the wheelchair user wait. That person and their carer) is the only one deserving of sympathy in this situation.