For not moving on the bus

[LOL7]

Hello,
Firstly a bit of background about me- I am 24 weeks pregnant and have pulled a muscle in my bump, I have back issues (previous surgery) and am not allowed to drive due to medical reasons so I have a disability bus pass. I am 22, look very young and to look at me I look 'normal'- e.g not obviously disabled or pregnant.
Today I was on the bus with my ds in his pushchair, he was fast asleep and I had a few bags underneath. A lot of old ladies were on the bus discussing how my son looks at least 3.5 years (he turned 3 yesterday), so shouldn't be using a pushchair, and back in their day he would have had to come out and they would have folded it up. Then some more elderly ladies came on the bus and I could hear them all discussing how I should be moving the push chair and offering up my front seat-although no one was standing. Then as the bus got more full, we stopped for a carer and a man in a wheelchair, the carer parked the wheelchair next to the bus stop so I stayed seated assuming they weren't wanting to come on, the carer asked the driver if there was space and then said 'we will wait for the next one in 10 minutes', so I stayed where I was. Then a lady who was waiting at the same stop came on the bus and told the driver he is required by law to tell the push chair to get off so that the wheel chair can come on. The driver said it's whoever is on first and the lady said 'pushchairs can be folded'- I would have folded the pushchair if I had to however I didn't offer too because 1.my son was asleep 2.i struggle to fold it down due to the pain in my bump and back 3.they had chosen to wait for the next one themselves.
Of course for the next 15 minute journey I could hear all of the elderly ladies discussing how awful I am and wrong and how I am young and fit and should have just got off or be stood up. When we got to the last stop and everyone was getting off, the lady who was sat next to me stood up and pointed at the seat where the wheelchair goes (the one that goes backwards and folds up) and said 'that's where you should be sitting isn't it' I said 'sorry, why should i sit there?' She said 'because you have a push chair, so you should be there' and I said again 'why should I have to sit there?' And she pointed to where I was sat and said 'that says for the disabled and elderly!' So I showed her my disability pass and said 'I am disabled! And I'm pregnant!' She stopped for a second and said yet again 'well you should be sitting there!'
I got off the bus shaking and holding back tears, it was absolutely horrible listening to everyone say how selfish and vile I am.
So, WIBU for staying where I was?

Disabilities aren't always visible. What are such people supposed to do? Where a sticker?!?

So sorry you've been through this, OP.

Right or wrong, TfL’s official policy is that you should fold your buggy or wait for the next bus but they will not ask someone with a buggy to get off the bus if they don’t volunteer to.

really? ive witnessed drivers tell people with prams to get off if they wont fold. ok maybe the driver isnt wrong then but i still think the op is.

lol my daughter is at that 'not looking obviously pregnant' stage at the moment. She's got a terrible back ache but generally gets by, having youth on her side.

She got on a bus home from school (yes, she's that young) recently, and was one of 3 passengers. She plomped herself down in the seats with the 'priority seats for disabled and pregnant' stickers next to it.

The lady from 2 seats behind proceeded to tell her how selfish she was taking a seat from people who needed it. Daughter told her, that if bus got super busy before 2 stops down the line (where she gets off) that she'd move, she also offered the lady her seat thinking it might be that she needed it, despite being on the bus before her. No, this woman just wanted to have a go.

As a last resort she said 'well I am actually pregnant, so I can sit here' to which she was told she was too young to be pregnant lol.

Driver eventually intervened and told lady it was fine unless they got busy at which apparently lady huffed a bit about 'rude youth' but otherwise ignored her.

I used to use the bus when my twins were babies and it was awful. There were some really lovely people who were so kind and some really truly awful people who treated me like shit.

I really feel for you, OP. They had no right to be so mean to you.

I suggest you prepare some stock phrases for in case it happens again. Also, can you get pregnancy badges and disabled badges to stick on your bag?

Your disabled and they can go to fuck!!

I'm also disabled OP and the amount of shit I get because I don't cover people's idea of what disabled looks like.

I take no one's shit anymore and I challenge anyone who starts especially when the idiots are complaining because I've taken up the last disabled parking space(I have a blue badge)and I happen to be in my wheelchair at the time.

In the real world, I suspect that wheelchair users and disabled people who don’t use a wheelchair manage to be a lot more understanding of each other than you’d think from this thread.

I have a friend who’s disabled and uses public transport as she can’t drive a car because of her disability. She would struggle to fold up a buggy and hold her children on a bus as her disability means among other things that too much physical exertion or having to bend down quickly can cause her heart rate to rise suddenly and cause dizziness and fainting. She also has difficulty with coordination so taking a buggy apart would be almost impossible without help. She has continence issues and so getting off a bus and waiting 20-30 minutes for the next one would be problematic for her. On the rare occasions a wheelchair user has needed to use the space she’s in, she’s always had a polite conversation and they two of them have compromised. It’s only on Internet forums that people seem to determined to pit the needs of different groups of disabled people against each other.

The charming gentlemen who grabbed and repeatedly shook my chair and screamed that I was able to walk if I just believed I could.

Wasn’t Jesus was it? wink

Hahahaha, that made me laugh!

A couple of years back I had a hysterectomy. About a month or so after, so I was recovering but still rough round the edges and off work sick, my husband had to go to Ireland to see his dad who was dying. I had to nip to the high street to get some bits in. I wasn't capable of carrying too much still. I don't drive so was on the bus. I sat on a disabled seat on my way back-I thought this was fair enough, I had a temporary disability, though unseen. Some old dear behind me was moaning about people using the seats unnecessarily. I'm sure she was getting at me. I ignored her. (She had a seat BTW.)

@spidey66 some people just want something to moan about. I’ll always sit on those seats if there’s nothing else free, it’s not like they’ll wear out! You just have to be aware of everyone else getting on the bus at later stops and ready to jump up (or obviously not jump up, in your case )

A lot of old ladies were on the bus discussing how my son looks at least 3.5 years (he turned 3 yesterday

It seems oddly specific for strangers to say “He looks like he’s 3 years and 5 months old”

Wheelchairs should always take priority over pushchairs on buses. I hope it wasn't raining when the wheelchair user had to wait for another bus, pushchairs can be folded, wheelchairs cannot.

I hope you can take comfort that the only people whose business this actually was, were you and the man in the wheelchair, and he was happy/prepared to wait and would have been doubly so if he'd known you also have a disability.

I feel your pain OP. I’m missing a large part of my pelvis and inner thigh muscles (thanks bone tumour), am hypermobile and am currently pregnant too. I’m 34.

I don’t look disabled or unfit and have had various people make snide comments or ‘you don’t need those’ when I was on crutches etc. People are ignorant twats sometimes. They think they know your situation and they don’t have a clue (my balance is atrocious so I need a seat on a bus or train if possible). It’s easy to say ‘forget about them’ but it still can really get to you either upsetting you or riling you for days after at their cheeky rude assumptions! You shouldnt have to justify yourself to a bunch of self-righteous snide old bints.

I’d recommend getting one of the London Underground badges that say “please offer me a seat”. It doesn’t stop everyone but it helps emphasise that disabled people aren’t always obvious to a few I’ve found anyway.

@lynz, but it’s not about the seat (I thought that too of course) it’s that the buggy was blocking the WC space! The OP could have asked someone to help her fold it. She didn’t. She didn’t want to wake her son. Sorry, but this really isn’t on

The op by her own admission could have moved the pram and then when the wheelchair user had settled into the space still fitted in so I really don’t see why she didn’t do that as soon as she saw a wheelchair!

The wheelchair user was kind to say they would wait for the next bus, but ultimately you were in the wrong and the gossiping biddies were right. If you have difficulty folding down your buggy, and use buses regularly then you should really have one more suited to you and easier to collapse. The wheelchair user and his career are potentially used to people not collapsing prams for them- so many people don’t anymore. You shouldn’t have to wait to be asked- you should have offered to. I’m sorry though they made you feel shitty by continuing to talk about you.

the only people whose business this actually was, were you and the man in the wheelchair

Top prize for creative writing. The sex of the person was not mentioned - you made that up

The op very clearly said in her first post that it was a man in a wheelchair

the person in the wheelchair(yep there was a person there) did not say any of this was ok. the carer did(if that was my adult dc and i found out a care did that.....end of job)
the Op was never going to move,
the op;s baby was not in a wheelchair or sn buggy. so she and the women should have moved.
its a WHEELCHAIR SPACE

i suspect they said they would wait for the next as they are probably use to people refusing to move :(.

it is shocking that a wheelchair space is not backed up by law. every one else , yes even the op. but the person in a wheelchair has one option.

Yabu - it's very specifically a wheelchair space. You could have asked someone to fold your buggy but didnt want to wake him up.

On the bus I get there's a regular WC space which is always vacated promtly and rightly so.