For not moving on the bus

[LOL7]

Hello,
Firstly a bit of background about me- I am 24 weeks pregnant and have pulled a muscle in my bump, I have back issues (previous surgery) and am not allowed to drive due to medical reasons so I have a disability bus pass. I am 22, look very young and to look at me I look 'normal'- e.g not obviously disabled or pregnant.
Today I was on the bus with my ds in his pushchair, he was fast asleep and I had a few bags underneath. A lot of old ladies were on the bus discussing how my son looks at least 3.5 years (he turned 3 yesterday), so shouldn't be using a pushchair, and back in their day he would have had to come out and they would have folded it up. Then some more elderly ladies came on the bus and I could hear them all discussing how I should be moving the push chair and offering up my front seat-although no one was standing. Then as the bus got more full, we stopped for a carer and a man in a wheelchair, the carer parked the wheelchair next to the bus stop so I stayed seated assuming they weren't wanting to come on, the carer asked the driver if there was space and then said 'we will wait for the next one in 10 minutes', so I stayed where I was. Then a lady who was waiting at the same stop came on the bus and told the driver he is required by law to tell the push chair to get off so that the wheel chair can come on. The driver said it's whoever is on first and the lady said 'pushchairs can be folded'- I would have folded the pushchair if I had to however I didn't offer too because 1.my son was asleep 2.i struggle to fold it down due to the pain in my bump and back 3.they had chosen to wait for the next one themselves.
Of course for the next 15 minute journey I could hear all of the elderly ladies discussing how awful I am and wrong and how I am young and fit and should have just got off or be stood up. When we got to the last stop and everyone was getting off, the lady who was sat next to me stood up and pointed at the seat where the wheelchair goes (the one that goes backwards and folds up) and said 'that's where you should be sitting isn't it' I said 'sorry, why should i sit there?' She said 'because you have a push chair, so you should be there' and I said again 'why should I have to sit there?' And she pointed to where I was sat and said 'that says for the disabled and elderly!' So I showed her my disability pass and said 'I am disabled! And I'm pregnant!' She stopped for a second and said yet again 'well you should be sitting there!'
I got off the bus shaking and holding back tears, it was absolutely horrible listening to everyone say how selfish and vile I am.
So, WIBU for staying where I was?

Not all disabilities are visible. Sadly these old ladies were ignorant.

needs of others that aren't* covered by the specific rules of the bus.

wheelchair spaces are for wheelchairs(and sn buggies) they are not for "Disability" the bus driver was in the wrong.
its been a while since we have had a wheelchair on bus thread. they always go the same way. lots of " what about...."
its one space on a bus that a wheelchair user can access. everyone else has other options.

Hmmm, yes you should have folded up your pram. At least to have offered would have been better than just ignoring the problem. Even if you can't physically fold the pram yourself, you could have asked for help from the driver, the carer or some of the other passengers.
I imagine the wheelchair user opted not to get on the bus to avoid a fuss or feeling embarrassed.

The lady you mention at the end was laughable though. Did you not point out that the seat she was pointing at was for wheelchairs? Also I don't understand why the wheelchair user didn't use this space btw

Those people were very unreasonable and rude. In a perfect world, a kind passenger would have assisted you to fold the pushchair as you cannot. Sorry but the sleeping child is irrelevant. You had a right to be in the space but perhaps there was an option to have enabled the person using the wheelchair to also be on the bus.

look very young
A lot of old ladies
more elderly ladies
all of the elderly ladies

If you dropped all the ageist comments, you might get a bit more sympathy.

I had the same the other week, I was sat near the front with my ASD son and 2 year old we were sharing 2 seats.
I also have a metal bar running from my hip to my knee and get a lot of pain in that leg.
An older lady got on telling the whole bus that she referring to me shouldn't take up all the seats!
And was going on and on and on about it.
The bus had hardly anyone on it, in the end I told her how rude she was, the funny thing was a week later she was on the bus taking the whole wheelchair bit with her dog.
Some people just like to moan unfortunately.

Yeah I don't really understand this post. Were there no other priority seats available? Because if you needed a seat because of your disability, but there were other priority seats available and the only reason you didn't move was because you didn't want to fold down your buggy - which you admit that you could have done, albeit with some pain, although you could also have asked someone to do it for you and I bet someone would have done - then I think YWBU not to have moved to a different priority seat. I don't think the fact that your little one was asleep is in any way important whatsoever but you have mentioned it twice in your post so clearly this was a consideration for you in refusing to move for the wheelchair user which I think is very unfair. If there was no other priority seating available and thus no way for you to sit safely/comfortably on the bus given your disabilities then YWNBU. However it doesn't read like that was the case, as otherwise presumably you wouldn't have mentioned being able to fold down the buggy to make space etc, so YWBU because even if you didn't want to exacerbate your back problem you could have asked someone to help fold down your pram, as that what this otherwise comes down to - not that the wheelchair user should take priority over you as a disabled woman, but that it should take priority over a pram that can be folded and moved out of the way without anyone suffering at all. I think it's pretty bad too that you say that it's not a problem as the carer said they were happy to wait - probably because they are frightened of the kind of confrontation they could maybe recieve if they pushed the issue - a bit like the kind of confrontation you recieved from those elderly ladies for not moving. I don't think you should wait until someone presses the issue to take it upon yourself to make life a bit easier for somebody else and as a disabled person I would have thought you would have understood that (I am disabled too).

Thanks for all the replies, I'm so glad everyone is nice and polite, even those who disagree with me.
Just to clarify- I was sat at the front seats on the right, my pushchair was in front of me handle bars facing the aisle so as not to take up more than one folding seat, there were two folded seats next to it where elderly ladies were sat where the wheelchair user should go- back against the board. Really both my pushchair and the wheelchair user could have fit, but the carer chose to wait. The lady who spoke to me said I should be sitting in one of the fold down seats next to the pushchair.

@VelvetSpoon what we don't know is could she safely hold her three year old on her lap (she had someone sitting next to her, so that seat wasn't free and you can't sit a just three year old somewhere else).

Also it's great some people live somewhere where other people on public transport are helpful, but in my experience that's the exception not the norm and generally people just look the other way.

LOL If you both could have fitted with the wheelchair then that completely changes the situation! Then you didn't do anything wrong at all regardless as the trade-off between the needs/wishes of the two of you doesn't arise to start with if you could both fit, so then the entire issue is a moot point and just about some people being nasty to you for no reason. I think you should have mentioned that part in your OP .

MrsTerryPratchett

Although I can not prove it to you apart from giving you my word but Yes I did have a Disabled users bus pass for roughly 7years ( used it in the circumstances I mentioned previously ) not that it's really relevant because the Wheelchair space is permanently reserved for a wheelchair user ( which I required for 6 months after surgery in those 7 years as well ) not for the use of someone with a non wheelchair user who has a different disability unfortunately.

If you have a disabled users bus pass but do not require a wheelchair you are within your right to use the priority seating but a wheelchair user trumps ( 100% of the time ) anyone else using that space.

I know how hard it is, I can not drive so use Public transport and have three children, I thankfully no longer need a bus pass but I can remember those days well, it's difficult and annoying to have to get off the bus when a wheelchair user wants to board.
But it's their space, others can use it when it's not needed by them, but it is their space.

I can't believe you didn't offer to wake your son and fold the pushchair. Instead thinking it was reasonable to make a wheelchair wait in the hope of space on another bus...not cool dude.

Looking at that picture you weren't in the wheelchair users space op, but in fact some older women were!

They should have been told to move.

OP these are for you
I'm sorry you've had a rubbish day. I don't think you were unreasonable. I am always mindful of whether the person may have a hidden disability (having been there myself).
I suspect the people on the bus are the sort that mutter (loudly!) rather than asking politely whether you could move (far more constructive - though in your case not really possible or necessary).
I have asked high school children whether they could move, when there is someone who looks like they might fall over otherwise (obviously only when I have already given up my seat). They always move.
I've also been on a bus where a boy offered his seat and the older person replied "How old do you think I am?" and got all offended! I was like: just say no thank you.
Some people are just unreasonable - like the woman you encountered today.
Woman: Those seats are for the disabled
OP: I am disabled
Woman: well they're not for you

They were very rude! But I can also see where they were coming from, as they didn't realise you are disabled and pregnant. They thought you were fit and able bodied, taking up a seat that someone else needed. In your shoes I would have set them straight as soon as they started muttering. Eg turned round with a fierce look and said 'Actually I have a disability and I'm pregnant, I need to sit here.' Followed by 'you're being extremely rude and judgemental!' If they carried on.

I've had the 'in my day we folded our buggies/walked 3 miles home/made the toddler stand etc'. I always challenge them. Eg
'Well isn't it lucky things have improved since your day, must have been awful for you'

Also if your buggy was in the bit on the drivers side with fold down seats you weren't blocking the wheelchair space at all.

I think you were in the right as a) the wheelchair user had a space, it was occupied by older ladies (who may have had a disability pass but nevertheless could have sat elsewhere) and b) with your disability and being 5 months pregnant, taking your heavy son out asleep and putting him on your lap wasn't an option which it would have been for someone else either not pregnant or not disabled.

It's very hard traveling with an invisible disability, one of my relatives has one and needs to sit down very quickly because of balance problems/seizures, when they had a bandage on, everyone was so considerate and kind, but when they no longer needed it, obviously people don't know and wouldn't stand for them and it's embarrassing to ask.

If there was enough room for yourself and the wheelchair but the seats where the wheelchair should go were taken by elderly ladies, the bus driver should have made them get up.They shouldnt have been sitting in the wheelchair space to start with.
I think you've done nothing wrong OP. In future I'd just ignore nasty comments.

Not wanting to seem as though I'm changing my story- We could have both fit, but the reason the carer chose not to was because of the pushchair, I assume it just looked too busy with the people on the bus too. I would have had to get up to move the pushchair down the aisle, let the wheelchair be positioned correctly and then put my pushchair back if that makes sense- which is what I meant I didn't do when I said I stayed where I was. Yes the ladies were sat where the wheelchair should have gone, but as I had a pushchair it seemed I was automatically at fault. I didn't 'need' to fold the pushchair but that is what was expected of me and I didn't do.

I am disabled. I do agree in theory that you could have asked someone to help you fold the pushchair. However, I do understand it is stressful and embarrassing. It’s taken many years of struggling for me to even admit I need a disabled badge for the car. There also have been many occasions where I needed a wheelchair and if I will probably soon get one. In your situation, you are inconveniencing others. However in mine, I’m just inconveniencing myself. I really do get that it’s hard for you.

As for those women, yes, horrible. In part this is why I cover my disability. I’m relatively young, my disability is largely invisible and I do get judged and disbelieved even by family. It’s shit really. You poor thing.

You could have folded your chair meaning you both could continue your journey so yes In that sense you where being unreasonable