For not moving on the bus

[LOL7]

Hello,
Firstly a bit of background about me- I am 24 weeks pregnant and have pulled a muscle in my bump, I have back issues (previous surgery) and am not allowed to drive due to medical reasons so I have a disability bus pass. I am 22, look very young and to look at me I look 'normal'- e.g not obviously disabled or pregnant.
Today I was on the bus with my ds in his pushchair, he was fast asleep and I had a few bags underneath. A lot of old ladies were on the bus discussing how my son looks at least 3.5 years (he turned 3 yesterday), so shouldn't be using a pushchair, and back in their day he would have had to come out and they would have folded it up. Then some more elderly ladies came on the bus and I could hear them all discussing how I should be moving the push chair and offering up my front seat-although no one was standing. Then as the bus got more full, we stopped for a carer and a man in a wheelchair, the carer parked the wheelchair next to the bus stop so I stayed seated assuming they weren't wanting to come on, the carer asked the driver if there was space and then said 'we will wait for the next one in 10 minutes', so I stayed where I was. Then a lady who was waiting at the same stop came on the bus and told the driver he is required by law to tell the push chair to get off so that the wheel chair can come on. The driver said it's whoever is on first and the lady said 'pushchairs can be folded'- I would have folded the pushchair if I had to however I didn't offer too because 1.my son was asleep 2.i struggle to fold it down due to the pain in my bump and back 3.they had chosen to wait for the next one themselves.
Of course for the next 15 minute journey I could hear all of the elderly ladies discussing how awful I am and wrong and how I am young and fit and should have just got off or be stood up. When we got to the last stop and everyone was getting off, the lady who was sat next to me stood up and pointed at the seat where the wheelchair goes (the one that goes backwards and folds up) and said 'that's where you should be sitting isn't it' I said 'sorry, why should i sit there?' She said 'because you have a push chair, so you should be there' and I said again 'why should I have to sit there?' And she pointed to where I was sat and said 'that says for the disabled and elderly!' So I showed her my disability pass and said 'I am disabled! And I'm pregnant!' She stopped for a second and said yet again 'well you should be sitting there!'
I got off the bus shaking and holding back tears, it was absolutely horrible listening to everyone say how selfish and vile I am.
So, WIBU for staying where I was?

Cross post. I see you would have both fitted.

I remember a comedian, the late Linda Smith, once saying “The last faculty to go, in old people, is sheer bloody rudeness.”
How right she was. You did nothing wrong, don’t give it another thought.

Wheelchairs should always have priority over pushchairs

Ok you are disabled too so slightly different but it was still "possible" to get your sleeping child out and your shopping

Folding a buggy is easier than the wheelchair user getting out and folding it

Im still confused
So the women were sitting blocking the wc space, you were not?
So why did the driver not let wheelchair on?
He only had to ask the women to move.
All seems odd to me

Nessie
Yet is ok for a person in a wheelchair to do that? Its a wheelchair space

I always tell my story on these threads, I was 8 months pregnant with a nearly 4yo who couldn't stand on a bus, an elderly woman gets on. Another woman tells me I or DD should move, I say I'm pregnant and as entitled to the seat as the elderly woman and DD can't stand up on the bus. The woman says DD should sit on my lap, I ask where and point to my stomach again, DH and another woman are laughing at how ridiculous this woman is being, she says something else, I start answering, she says, "I was talking to those plebs over there," I say, "One of those plebs happens to be my husband." 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

How horrible those old women were OP.

I do think though that in situations like yours (and mine) with invisible disabilites, you have to be ready to speak up and state that you have a disbility. The old gits shouldn't have been so compeltely horrid to you but sometimes people do need challenging about where they sit and if you are legit, then you just need to loudly and calmly say so. If you don't speak up, others will walk all over you.

It might feel wierd as if you are explaining yourself but it isn't that. It is staving off arseholes just showing eligibility, like displaying a blue badge. If you don't want to say anything, I often used to sit with my card in my hand showing the red colouring so that anyone could sneek a look if they were dubious.

I think by the looks of your pic, it was the ladies who should have moved. Again, the best strategy I have found is to speak up for yourself ASAP and be proactive in finding a resolution. In this situation if you had got the ladies moved, then the person in the wheelchair could have got on (and put the ladies in their place!)

Unfortunately ignorant buggers also just sit there in stony silence reagrdless so it can be easy to confuse the ignorant, with the shy.

Sorry they made you feel awful

YANBU for sitting in priority seats but you should’ve moved for the wheelchair user.

The wheelchair space is specifically for those in wheelchairs not all disabilities, there’s usually priority seating for non wheelchair using people with disabilities.

If they were sat in the wheelchair space than YANBU and they should’ve moved

@Samcro technically both the women and my buggy were in the wheelchair space, but my buggy was at the end next to where I was sat so there was enough room for both. The driver didn't really seem to care, he didn't even look to see if there was space- must have been having a bad work day. Also for the PP who said the bus driver was wrong, the law is actually that wheelchairs get priority if waiting at the same time as a pushchair, but if a pushchair is already on board then they do not have to get off the bus or move.
@FrancisCrawford I have had personal experience of the wheelchair (typical push along) after my surgery, also the bus website says to reposition buggy's to fit a wheelchair, not fold up.
I usually use a different bus company that has two wheelchair spaces so haven't had this issue before- please don't get me wrong I feel very guilty about the wheelchair user waiting, and so upset by all the comments from the ladies on the bus. Which is why I have made this post so I know if I was BU and can act upon it if it happens again.

there are women - quite a few - who sit in places meant for those who need them. There are women who are perfectly capable of folding up their, far bigger then they need, buggies and choose not to do so. The disapproval of other people is what stops there being more entitled horrors.

The old ladies were speaking out in support of the disabled. You chose not to ask for help to fold the buggy, you chose not to explain why you had problems moving. So you were actually being very unreasonable. The bus driver should have told you to move and you'd then have had to choose to move or explain.

Actually dont believe this at all.

It was totally out of character for me to even speak back to the lady who challenged me, as I am so so timid and anxious but I was feeling all sorts of things after listening to a whole bus of people saying horrible things about me. I will sit with my disabled pass showing in future, that's a good idea thank you.

X post. Your update shows that it is even clearer that you should have spoken up that the women should have moved, and also got up yourself to start repositioning. That also would have force the wome to move or be showed up as the real problem.

I mean this gently, but I do think it was wrong of you to just sit there in silence and hope it would all go away. Perhaps that it why the carer and wheelchair person just left it. You didn't do your part in ^visibly* creating space for them. That is very unwelcoming, and in fact can appear hostile. Perhaps they thought they would need to challenge both the old women and you, and that it wasn't worth the bother.

I think it is about showung courtesy, not just thinking it.

I'm not sure what those of you who say you don't believe me, don't believe? The bus driver didn't help as he was one of the drivers who seem like they just want to drive until they can go home, who just didn't seem bothered whether the wheelchair user came on the bus or not.
I didn't speak up for myself or ask for help due to being timid and having anxieties- hence why I was shaking when I got off the bus after speaking to the lady who was next to me.
The photos are a couple of months after my surgery, feel free to google image search if you are questioning my 'realness'.

Remember too that the bus driver saw OP's bus pass and knew she was disabled so that might also have been part of his decision to as the person in a wheelchair to wait.

They should have minded their own business.

YANBU .

You have a disability pass so you can sit there. I would have probably folded the pushchair up. It's a tricky one. You definitely do not have to get off the bus for a wheels chair. Why did she tell you to sit on the disabled seat? That's confusing.
Most places I go now, disabled toilets etc have a sign saying "remember not all disabilities are visible".

On the basis you’re disabled you have every right to be there. Next time I might whip out the disabled badge if you hear them start up