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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the bride if I’m invited to her wedding?

393 replies

Tohaveandtohold · 08/06/2018 13:29

I know this would sound entitled as the only wedding I have to be obviously is mine but my work colleague is getting married. We are a team of 4 people and we are quite close at work, we chat, etc and I drop her off on Fridays as well when she’s going to her parents as it’s not just on my way ( she does not drive and stays with her fiancé the other days). We’ve literally talked about it this wedding since she got engaged last year. I even once followed her to the wedding venue. We go for lunch together, meal out, etc like I thought we were close.
Basically, 2 weeks ago, she gave the other 2 people in the team an invitation card to the wedding, I was there but she didn’t give me one. I still dropped her off last Friday as well and we have had lunch together almost every day this and last week and still no invitation card for me.
The other ladies have been checking for dresses online that they’ll wear but I can’t really.
Could I ask if I’m invited to the wedding or can I be invited and not have a card? I know you ladies will be honest and that’s why I’m asking as i’ll be dropping her off today and I’m sure we’ll talk about the wedding. Am I just been silly?

OP posts:
KittyHawke80 · 08/06/2018 15:10

I wouldn’t ask. She might style it out - “I’m such a ditz!” - and give you an invitation tomorrow, and you’d never know whether she’d really intended to. I’d wait until it was impossible for her to invite you, realistically, and then contrive to make her feel the absolute turd she is.

Wordsmith · 08/06/2018 15:11

Either there is some really complicated reason why your invite hasn't made it to you, or you haven't been invited. In which case she is a real cow for inviting the others in front of you and not explaining why you haven't been included.

I'd go with JungleBooks' upfront question TBH! And no more lifts!

Atetoomanyjaffacakes · 08/06/2018 15:11

Sorry OP, she hasn't invited you! I would ask why and stop giving her lifts!

NotMyFinestMoment · 08/06/2018 15:12

If she handed out invites to her wedding and omitted to include you. You are clearly not invited. If she accidentally forgot to pack yours on the day then she would have said something. Without meaning to sound harsh, she has her uses for you, but she does not consider you a friend (just a useful work colleague). She basically sounds like a user.

ChocolateWombat · 08/06/2018 15:13

I'm amazed by how many people would rather assume the worst, go cold on the bride to be and cut off all contact, rather than just ASK and actually find out what's going on.

Goodness, if I cut off every friend where there was a slight misunderstanding or uncertainty, I wouldn't have any friends left. Sometimes you just have to be brave and ask. It's all about a light tone and not having such low expectations of people tht you expect every possible little slight is someone being really nasty.

Asking the question may well reveal OP is invited, friend apologies for the misunderstanding and OP goes onto have a lovely day out at the wedding. Not asking, but sulking and refusing lifts might mean no wedding and no friend. Wouldn't it be best to leave the option of the first open?

Gouldengirl9 · 08/06/2018 15:14

Are the other 2 invited to the day, night or both. I personally would ask and if she says your not invited don't drive her anywhere again and let it be known what a user she is.
I hope I'm wrong and you get a special invitation through the post.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 08/06/2018 15:15

Surely nobody would be so rude as to invite two of their three colleagues?? Shock I thought this too, it would be gauche and thoughtless.

mangocoveredlamb · 08/06/2018 15:18

Maybe you’re B list for an all day invite? And she’s waiting to see if a space becomes available?!

HollowTalk · 08/06/2018 15:20

The thing is that when she gave out the other two invitations, if she'd forgotten to bring in the OP's, that's when she would've remembered and said something. And if in the unlikely event the OP's getting a special gold-plated invitation, she would've said "I'll bring yours in tomorrow - this is the evening lot."

Pettyspaghetti · 08/06/2018 15:28

How awful to give invites to 2 people and leave out the 3rd without offering an explanation. I don’t understand how people can be so thoughtless! Good luck OP.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 08/06/2018 15:29

Have you checked under the front passenger seat in case she left you a card in the car one Friday and it slipped under the seat? Grasps at straws.

Another old MN chestnut but people can be funny about you giving lifts if it happens to be on your route. "It's on your way anyway... ". They assume you are grateful for their sparkling company. After all you are happy to listen to her wedding chat at lunch during the week. So if she is an entitled sort of person, you acting as her taxi every Friday after work might not occur to her to be that big a deal.

MollyHuaCha · 08/06/2018 15:31

I wouldn't ask.

But I'd like to know for sure in case my invitation had gone astray or something.

So I might say something along the lines of 'After the wedding, you will show me a photo or two, won't you? You know, so I can see what you looked like on the day, how your dress was etc.'

And if I was actually invited, she would reply, 'But you're coming, aren't you?'

And if I wasn't invited, she would say, 'Yes, I'll bring my photos in to show you'.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/06/2018 15:33

She does sound like a user, in your position, she is supposed to be a friend, so yes, ask where your invitation is! Very rude, and not very nice.

UserV · 08/06/2018 15:34

Not read full thread sorry.

I would have to ask her. defo.

happypoobum · 08/06/2018 15:34

Oh how awful! I suspect she hasn't invited you but I think you will have to ask. If she hasn't invited you though it will be so bloody embarrassing.

Do stop the lifts if she does turn out to be a CF.

DextroDependant · 08/06/2018 15:36

I was sure that the other two had evening invites and your whole day invite was on its way but surely she would have mentioned that.

You have to ask.

Orangecake123 · 08/06/2018 15:37

I've asked before. Don't see the harm in it.

UserV · 08/06/2018 15:38

@tohaveandtohold

If there were just 4 of you in the office, and one was getting wed, NO-ONE would invite 2 and leave one out. No-one.

What do the other 2 say OP? Do they know you (seemingly) have no invite?

Ohsuchaperfectday · 08/06/2018 15:38

Op I have to recently been in this situation myself... Someone I thought was good enough friend to invite me to wedding I have heard about for years invited mums she barely knows at her dd new school and not even the evening do for me.

But she is still texting me!! So bizarre!! I don't even know if it's happened yet!!
I can't belive invite lost either because she could simply say.. Not heard back are you able to come!!

billybagpuss · 08/06/2018 15:42

Very odd behaviour, what time will you be leaving for the lift tonight?

expatinscotland · 08/06/2018 15:43

She's still texting you to use you, Oh, glad you don't answer her anymore.

QueenOfMyWorld · 08/06/2018 15:44

If it turns out that you aren't invited then like pp said don't buy a present

Juells · 08/06/2018 15:44

Someone I thought was good enough friend to invite me to wedding I have heard about for years invited mums she barely knows at her dd new school and not even the evening do for me.

Be fair, they're so much more useful for her now 😉

Gagging to know if the OP has asked.

Strongmummy · 08/06/2018 15:45

God I can’t wait for the update.

jmscp2015 · 08/06/2018 15:48

If she hasn't invited you that's really one of the most tactless things I've ever heard! Shock