"Forcing" children to include others

[DorothyL]

If your primary age child was told they had to commit to one day a week choosing to do an activity that makes it possible for a physically disabled child to join in, would you think this is fair enough or that your child shouldn't be forced to play with another child?

The sn child can end up the class pet and go the other way

I presume you mean child with special needs?

So what? Nobody should make any effort to teach inclusion and empathy as standard? It should be accepted that children with SN or disabilities can be excluded and that’s that?

As the disabled mum of 3 disabled kids, may I just say, fuck that. As loudly as I can. FUCK THAT.

I don't think the other parents know.
I've thought about mentioning it on the year 6 parents fb group but am scared what I might get back.

The issue here is not the disabled child. Its a society that sees disability as something to be avoided and pitied.

Absolutely.

Inclusion is absolutely something that children should be taught how to do.
Children are not usually mindful of the challenges faced by others and by "forcing" them to consider this we can only have happier, and mentally/emotionally more compassionate children.

Not lump it OP, but look to school to use his interests to set up activities that he can invite people to join in with, not force people to have to give up their fun play time to play with him.

If it’s done through choice they’ll all be happier it will just take some adult time and thought.....which I don’t think is too much for you to expect.

OP have the parents given you reason to be scared? Do you think they are the reason their children are excluding your son? I’m sorry if they have, you’re a parent, and have every right to raise concerns about your child’s isolation.

Not specifically, but don't you find ultimately people don't want to know?

I do unfortunately, I’ve had many encounters with crappy parents. It was your use of the word scared that concerned me.

This whole situation is just so dreadfully unfair, on your son and on you.

Our school only allow football in the MUGA each year group has their own MUGA days, this stops the football every day. They also encourage the P6/7s to organise lunchtime clubs such as art/lego/computing the children come up with the ideas and run the club's for the younger children. Lego club is a huge hit with all the year groups.

My dd has a physical disability and we have had issues in the past with her feeling excluded but the school have always been quick to help her and her peers find games they all enjoy. Walking/toilet tig was a favourite for a while. She also helps clean the canteen at lunch if she's not up for running around usually her friends help, they get stickers and a tonne of praise from the dinnerladies.

I hope they are able to find a suitable solution for your son. I used to let dd take a toy or 2 to school when she was feeling particularly lonely usually someone would then be more interested in playing with her and her toys than the running game. I'm not sure how this would work with your sons age group maybe Pokemon cards or football stickers might work.

the same pretty much happens in schools up and down the country and has for years and years. I don't think it is a case of deliberately excluding a disabled child but more a case of football being the favourite thing to do and anybody who doesn't like or can't participate in it ends up struggling to find something else to do. At a younger age there is a lot more playing together but by Y6 it is very much boys playing football and girls in another part of the playground practicing their dance moves.

But has he asked to play with kids who aren’t doing ball sports?

the same pretty much happens in schools up and down the country and has for years and years

I’ve never understood the “but it’s always been this way” answer when someone is being treated like shit. If everyone took this attitude life would be very different! Women wouldn’t be able to vote, laws to protect people from hate crime wouldn’t exist, the list is endless.

And it smacks very much of “but why should the non disabled kids have to change what they do, it’s not THEIR fault”. Well quite, it’s hardly the fault of the child with a disability either is it?

Is there a reason why it's majority of boys playing football or are the majority of girls also? And do they include him? Sorry to hear this is an issue and I do hope it resolves...

@SoddingUnicorns I'm not saying that as an excuse, just pointing out that it is not always a deliberate thing or a lack of empathy. Just saying that in a large group of people then it tends to be the thing that most of them enjoy is what gets played and that invariably for Y6 boys is football. And unfortunately it will be worse this summer with the world cup on. What I think is good is schools having a range of lunchtime clubs that children can do. Giving them more choice of activities is more likely to build friendships with others they have things in common with rather than forcing activities on children that don't necessarily want to do them.

I think it's a really lovely idea!
And I disagree that it's 'fake' friendship as they might realise he's a really fun friend. Isn't that how most friendships start, atm it sounds like they just exclude him and haven't even tried.
I'm so sorry for your son op. I really think you should suggest something like this. Or even just ask the school to run a club that is suitable for him, it wouldn't necessarily need a rota because he can make friends with the people who do go - who have similar interests!

@MadMags ds wants to play physically active games, so I don't think he's asked others if he can join in - the vast majority of the boys play football

@TattyDevine the girls are doing gym which ds can't do and doesn't want to

The school's approach just seems to be very much a shrugging of shoulders, it frustrates me that despite me bringing it up repeatedly they haven't come up with a more proactive solution.

Does your son want to play with specific kids or is he up for playing with anyone?

My kids schools had a football rota with a different year each day. They also had quiet areas where running and shouting are banned.

Does your school have good alternatives for people not running around playing Tag or football? (My kids favourite playground games)

I would be fine with my child playing with yours on a rota as long as it wasn't every playtime and he wasn't the only one doing it. I have experience of my son being asked to look after another all of the time and it was miserable for both kids. If your son's disabilities meant that your son needed support following the rules etc then I'd expect support for an adult.

I would be very interested in hearing that my child was excluding another child and would be making a point of talking to them about empathy and inclusion. And I would be incredibly disappointed in them if that didn't result in different actions in the playground.

One boy in ds's class was a really good and caring friend to him right up till Christmas. Came back after the Christmas holidays and has blanked ds ever since. Ds is still so hurt and bewildered by this.

The boy who said to ds today "this game isn't for you" was at ds's party last year and we were so touched how caring he acted towards ds.
Ds said today "x is not as friendly as he used to be"

Did anything happen before Christmas break?

We've talked about this many times. Ds can't think of anything at all

Maybe you should encourage him to try to join in with other games?

I don't think you can expect the school to organise the playtime around one child.

Forcing others to play with him at the age they are at is likely to be counterproductive but there are ways in which they could encourage others to include your DS. There are other active games that could be organised.

I may be reading this wrongly but you seem to be saying that he wants to play with "the footballers". Perhaps you should encourage him to play with the others. Both my DSs were totally non sporty and would have been rejected by the footballers but they weren't interested and played with the other children.

There are no other games ds wants to join in with. He's not into computer games or pokemon or anything. He sees children having a great time playing active games and wants to be part of that. Why do I have to tell him that he has to accept they are not for him?