"Forcing" children to include others

[DorothyL]

If your primary age child was told they had to commit to one day a week choosing to do an activity that makes it possible for a physically disabled child to join in, would you think this is fair enough or that your child shouldn't be forced to play with another child?

SoddingUnicorns

Children should be educated by parents and school and encouraged towards an empathetic attitude

This, by the bucketload!
i agree however i still wouldn’t want fake friendship based on pity

The sn child can end up the class pet and go the other way

It would be fine with me as long as all children took turns (i.e. nobody singled out) and the disabled child wasn't rude, violent, difficult or otherwise unpleasant to play with. At Year 6 age I'd expect my DC to understand the importance of being kind and including everyone.

But I agree that framing it as "you can't play football today, you have to play with John" will just lead to resentment. It would be better for the teacher to organise suitable activities (which just happen to include John) and invite other children to take turns joining in. I also totally appreciate that teachers are ridiculously overworked and don't have time to organise a play schedule, which technically isn't one of their duties.

When I was 12/13 I was forced by my teacher to befriend a sad sack girl with no friends

A what??

Yippeeee what the fuck?!

If any of my children said anything like that I would be questioning my parenting.

My sons school they are encourage the boys to not play football everday so they play time bomb, tag, duck duck goose.

My middle ds has asd and his 1:1 helps organise games and brings different outdoor toys the encourage kids to come and interact with ds.

Maybe the kids could do a project to look for ways to include him? Even make it a competition?

Sorry but that is a terrible idea.
The point is that the child is included not treated as an object of curiosity and othered in this way.

The issue here is not the disabled child. Its a society that sees disability as something to be avoided and pitied.

I agree, that is a very good idea, children need to learn empathy, and this is part of that. One activity a week is not a lot, should be more tbh.

A thought though, OP. What are his strengths? What things does he enjoy and do well? Look at those things and see if there is something there that the school can expand on in some way, so he's not just "getting someone to play with" but getting to know other children with similar interests that are potential longer term friends.

?

Sad sack as in a bit hopeless and down all the time.

Of course children should be encouraged by the adults around them to be empathetic and inclusive, but a bunch of Y6 boys just wanting to play a bit of football at lunchtime are not necessarily lacking those qualities. They could just be doing what Y6 boys do without realising that it might lead to someone feeling upset, especially when there are other people in their year group happily doing things other than playing football.

It would be very wrong to make those children feel as if they are being unkind just because they like playing football in the short amount of free time they get with their friends. I agree with a PP that Y6 is a minefield with friendship groups changing all over the place, it's a tough time for many children.

Why is a project such a bad idea? How is this worse than him being ignored or other kids being forced to play with him? Either way he's being singled out as 'other' already.

I would have thought it might help them to understand that he can do loads of things with them, and to understand he's a person with feelings too.

Rather than banning the kids from playing football so that he can join in the school should organise a playground games rota. So 2/3 days a week the space is used for football. On other days there are other games on.

some of the boys will gripe at first, but I've seen this implemented in at least 5 schools and it gets a LOT more children physically active because not all of them want to play football, but football takes up a lot of space every day.

It would also be far less "No football today because Jonny doesn't like it" and more "Today is Rounders or stations because we don't need the same thing every day"

Do you think she might have been a bit sad and hopeless because she was poor and from an unstable -euphemism for abusive or neglectful- family?

Yes it is more than fair, I would expect my DC to want to do it.

It will also teach them kindness and empathy and discover they might enjoy themselves.

DD has asd, she has lot's of friends in school, none at home really though.

If I was the teacher I'd try and organise stuff "especially for Y6 as a treat".

Things like
Bringing in your remote control car and racing it around a course
Kite flying on the field
Giant games (chess and the like)

Would your DS have the skills to referee the football?

In an interview Ade once described how his mates basically sat him in the goal during football and he always felt like one of the lads. Would that work?

Jax you really can't see why making a child a project is a bad idea?

We should be in the business of the normalisation of people with disabilities in mainstream society. Not holding them up as curiosities to be studied.

The work of inclusion should be done long before it gets to the point of 'forcing' others to play with a child with disabilities.

Its ridiculous that over 40 years after the Education Act we are still making ad hoc arrangements for individual children to have a normal school experience.

Do you think she might have been a bit sad and hopeless because she was poor and from an unstable -euphemism for abusive or neglectful- family?

Well, duh, of course. I never said otherwise. I also came from a similar background (if not worse) but was really great at hiding it. I'm not shitting on her, I'm just relating that I resented being forced into being her one-kid school support system.

Sorry Ade Adepitan

He should be included, i would just be worried about fostering resentment or highlighting too much.

What about those who dont play football? Playing with them?

Obviously not in the majority but honestly I dont think its a good idea at all.
Working on getting your son involved, encouraging a friendship with 1 or a few children who dont enjoy football or setting up optional activities your son can be included in is a much better option.
Forcing all the children to give up their lunch to play a game they dont want to play for 1 child might work well in reception but 10/11 year olds are going to resent having their lunch time dictated and not being allowed to play what they want which unfortunately may end up with your son being in a worse position and being less likely to have anyone to play with the other 4 days.

Completely understandable all children should be encouraged to play with all different types of children especially disabled

Of course it is fair, and I would be encouraging my children as much as possible to include the child in everything. We would also organise a playdate too.

Even if the child were fully abled I always encourage my dc to play with any child/children that are left out.

Poor kid. Sounds horrendous for him and I am glad the school are doing something about the bunch of unkind horrid little school mates he has to contend with (and their parents who seem to lack compassion and empathy also)

I think it's a good idea for all schools to have one or two no football days tbh. The amount of boys have heard who have a shit playtime just because they don't like/aren't good at football. It's really dividing for some reason. Once a week could just be no football day and children encouraged to play something else. Could be a different thing each week. Fun any way for everyone to have some variety in playing whether disabled, bad at football, great at football, hater of football, not fussed about football etc

Do the other parents know? While I will openly admit to being a play date may sayer, if I found out that I've of the children in the class was being excluded line this I would make a point of trying to arrange lots of play dates, family outings etc. With my children so that they could have some one on one time and hopefully become friends. Children usually do when forced together like that.

The school is not doing anything as yet.
This has been going on for a while, so far the school's take on it has been "ds can ask children if he can play with them"

But then when he tries like today he gets rebuffed!

He struggles with social interaction.
I want the school to do something proactive!